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He’s got tickets for Joseph and his Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat at the Empire tonight.

I’m still gonna blame Thelwell. His nose reach is long. The swine.

I reckon that's what they did. The only explanation for the number of injuries our players have had in recent years has to be that the club is running some complicated insurance scam by buying players and knobbling them. It can't possibly be crap training, unfit players, or rubbish tactics...

They'll all be written by AI soon anyway. Pretty sure it was used for Dyche's bits because he can't read.

Well, I’m still pondering…

Let me mull that over while I ponder…

Has davek not declared he’ll be injured within three weeks and Moyes will play Keane in his place yet? Because of those bloody Texans, something something traitors etc

We don’t need to make stuff up to be annoyed at, the club does it well enough like 😂

Yes it is, because otherwise you’re accepting mediocrity. You’re spot on about the finances but it’s Kenwright thinking to say we shouldn’t be trying to aim for the absolute top. Nil Satis Nisi Optimum used to mean something. It still should.

Exactly this. I hoped we’d be moving on from the likes of Keane this summer, even though it was unrealistic to think we’d let every out-of-contract player go because that’s just too big an overhaul in one window. It’s a massive comedown after the excitement of new owners, new manager, new...

They sued to sell Merlin rolls in the butty shop near ours. They were magic.

I will if he can tell us where the Arteta money went. That’s top level insight.

I never liked him anyway. He kiffs.

Yeah, but it means we’ll get a decent fee for him if he goes, rather than seeing him go for nothing like the Army of the Dead that we’ve just let shuffle out the door.

Who do Gravy and Relax play for? Did Fabrizio Romano link us to them?

I heard they’d built a glass tank in the home changies at Bradley Moore, so the club can preserve him in jelly and have him watch over all future teams until the end of time. Apparently it was dead expensive but I suppose that’s what they were saving the Arteta money for.

They all smell.

I think that’s entirely fair. The fat plank should never have been here. We’ve scrubbed his greasy paw prints off the Finch Farm vending machine so there’s no need to remind anyone he was ever oozing through the gaff.

Alright Purple Aki. Calm down.

That’s indicative of the incompetence of the managers we’ve had.