The number of people having loud telephone conversations at 7.20am on my commute is bewildering. I've a broad and extremely prejudicial categorisation:
1. Tradies (boss) - "nah, we need the farking lifter at Old Street by 9.30 for when the cross-laminate timber arrives."
2. Tradies (employee) - "I'll be in at 9.30 for when the cross laminate timber arrives."
3. Youngster calling mate, girlfriend/boyfriend, mum - "how did you sleep? Yeh. No, just work. Yeh. Yeh. Did you get the pepperoni in the end? Yeh."
4. Person having beef - "I told him, fam, that he had until thursday to stop contacting her otherwise I'd mess him up. Well I will do won't I?"
5. Foreign language businessman - usually men, always loud, verging on shouting.
6. Foreign language personal call - usually women, usually quiet, same pace and timbre as 'youngster calling mate, girlfriend/boyfriend, mum'.
8. Tarquin/Hortensia organisation call - "yah. Yah. Well if you pick up Felicity and take her to the stables then I'll have time to organise Noah's playdate with Oliver. No the other Oliver. Ok. Ok. You too. Ciao. Bye."