Everton FC Season Ticket Terms & Conditions
(Now with 30% more emotional damage than last season!)
- Disclaimer of Enjoyment
By purchasing an Everton FC season ticket, you acknowledge and accept that consistent winning football, coherent tactics, or anything resembling joy is not guaranteed, implied, or even strongly hoped for.
- Entertainment Clause
While we aim to provide entertainment, said entertainment may include (but is not limited to):
- Dramatic last-minute defeats
- Confusing managerial decisions
- Passes to invisible players
- The occasional heroic draw that feels like a win
Actual entertaining football may occur sporadically, purely by accident.
- Hope Liability
Everton FC accepts no responsibility for any emotional rollercoaster, false dawns, or premature optimism experienced during the season. Fans are advised to temper expectations and hydrate accordingly.
- Relegation Readiness
In the unlikely-but-not-that-unlikely event of relegation, season ticket holders will be entitled to a front-row seat to “The Great Rebuild: Part IX”, starring yet another promising-but-doomed manager.
- VAR Therapy Support
Everton FC recommends all season ticket holders budget for post-match therapy, particularly during games involving VAR. Club psychologists are available on a pay-per-moan basis.
- No Refunds for Laughing Neutrals
Please be advised that your ticket does not cover damages caused by friends who support other clubs, especially those that win things. Everton FC is not liable for ruined weekends, passive-aggressive WhatsApp groups, or Match of the Day, or Grand Old Team forum rage trauma.
- EWFC limited home game access
Season ticket holders are entitled to access one woman’s team game per season provided said game is not at Hill Dickinson Stadium. Sniff it carpet baggers
By entering Hill Dickinson Stadium, you agree to the above, and to Boooo this club regardless. Because that’s just what we do.
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum (results may vary)
