David '3 lunches' Unsworth is what the canteen ladies call him.
Former Everton Centre Forward Duncan Ferguson steps into management.....
- Thread starter The Penalty Box Dancer
- Start date
Yarrgh
Player Valuation: £70m
On a lighter note, I just cycled in a moderate effort to get fitter. It was old geezer o'clock as all I saw were old fogeys with pot bellies having a constitutional in the sun (it also dawned that perhaps I was one of them) - but it was as if the local male population had all been Unsworthed.
I am back on Team Dunc.
I am back on Team Dunc.
Yarrgh
Player Valuation: £70m
Imagine being so rich that you can get someone in to polish your harpoon daily.
Just to get my wife off my back - the number of times she's given me the cold shoulder and told me to go rub the rust off my harpoon...
The Penalty Box Dancer
Player Valuation: £35m
Been crap all season tbh
Cameron Manning
Player Valuation: £35m
The lunatics have taken over the asylum and GrandOldTeam——Somebody call the police!
Big Dunc(e) once again getting schooled by Moyes the Master.
Yarrgh
Player Valuation: £70m
Even give us a goal head start the cheeky sausage.
Yarrgh
Player Valuation: £70m
You did right to post in this thread which is the last bastion of sense.
The Penalty Box Dancer
Player Valuation: £35m
Everton vs Chelsea
29th December 2026
The last fixture of 2026 for Everton and a home tie against Chelsea. Ferguson went with a different approach, three Centre-Backs – Branthwaite, Zubeldia and Matsima with Valle and Patterson as Wing Backs. It was a front three of Gonzalez, Beto and Konate as Everton looked to end their recent slump in form. The match started and the first real action was when Chilwell lined up the shot from the Chelsea corner but Onana put in a tackle and Konate bombed forward with the ball at his feet, he had Gonzalez in support and he played him in as he took it into the area, went past James and slotted across Hedl to make it 1-0 to Everton on 9 minutes! Pickford made a great save ten minutes later when Mudryk unleashed a right footed shot on the edge of the box and the England number one turned it behind. Patterson came down the right and played a good ball for Beto, his cross was cleared to Garner who played in Patterson and his shot was saved at the near post. Nkunku took the Chelsea free-kick on 28 minutes and sent it into the box, Colwill headed it down and Kalvin Phillips smashed it into the net, 1-1. Everton were doing well in getting stuck in and winning the ball back, they were just lacking in the final third and not getting forward quick enough. Patterson took the ball on the right side and played it forward into the path of Beto, it has to be? He put it past the keeper and made it 2-1! Chelsea were putting the pressure on and Madueke passed short to Enzo Fernandez in the box and Pickford saved with his feet, great stop. Madueke was dangerous down the right and on 51 minutes he found Caicedo who blasted through the hands of Pickford and levelled. Everton made a change on 58 minutes, Onana went off for the young John Hepburn. Ferguson made further two changes 10 minutes later, Maffeo was on for Patterson and the crowd rose to welcome the young and fearless Danny Mead as he stepped up to replace Beto. Everton were great in the tackling and Garner got it wide to Maffeo. Mead pointed in front of him and Maffeo gave it as he wanted it, Colwill tried to block him and as he struck he put it behind for an Everton corner. Cunha came on for Gonzalez, can Everton win this? It went the other way and Sterling put the ball forward for Nkunku who held off Zubeldia and made it 3-2, Pickford couldn’t get off his line quick enough. Mead came close to levelling on 83 minutes when he hit the post as the ball came into the box, so unlucky. Everton pushed forward for the equaliser and put some decent balls into the box but Chelsea defended well and done what they had to to win this battle. Chelsea move up to 5th and Everton remain winless in eight.
PLAYER RATINGS
Everton vs Arsenal
1st January 2027
New Years Day football and it’s the Champions and league leaders Arsenal who come to Bramley Moore. The Gunners were on a 31 game unbeaten run in the league and currently looked unstoppable. It will take some doing to bring them down today. The transfer window is now open but there’s not much money for the club to spend in this window unless somebody goes the other way. Ferguson kept the same side that played against Chelsea in the hope his side can be more fortunate in front of goal. Garner took the corner on 6 minutes, he got it into the six yard box and Matsima headed it against the bar, it came to Valle but he was unaware of his surroundings and Arsenal got it clear. Patterson done well to keep the ball from Lookman, turned and came down the right, he played it into the channel for Beto, he put it across the box and Konate scored from close range! Everton with the lead but we have been here before. Everton were doing well, getting in and winning the ball back, getting it forward to the front three at any opportunity. Konate played it to Beto who had nowhere to go but he got the shot away which almost looped over Ramsdale and the keeper back peddled but fortunately for him it went just over. Pixkford played the ball long on 30 minutes, Gonzalez flicked it on and Konate was through on goal, surely he must score? He shot across Ramsdale and it hit the right post and went in! Everton go 2-0 up! Two goals for Karim Konate! The half-time whistle blew and what a performance from Everton. They have to keep up these levels because Arsenal will throw everything at them. So far, they haven’t been themselves. Arteta made changes at half-time and Vieira set up Cozier-Duberry inside the box to lash it past Pickford on 58 minutes to put Arsenal back in the match. It was time for some changes, Everton brought on Moleiro for Valle, Cham came on for Onana and Mead got another go coming on for Beto. A few minutes remained and Everton had to be at their best, Cunha came on for Gonzalez and Godfrey came on for Zubeldia. Everton were minutes away from getting a massive result. Danny Mead got back to win the ball from Lookman and played it to Patterson, Everton just had to keep the ball but when it was played back to Pickford he lumped it forward and Arsenal won it back, Cozier-Duberry got it on the right and Branthwaite done enough to stop him getting forward and committed the foul. Arsenal prepared the free-kick about 25 yards out and Ramsdale came up for it. The corner came to nothing as Vieira strayed offside and Everton were back in possession. Patterson received the pass from Matsima on the right side and had seconds to run down, he tried to pass forward but Lookman cut it out and came down the left, he crossed into the box and Branthwaite headed away. Moleiro got to it and the referee called time! What a win for Everton! They ended Arsenal’s 31 match unbeaten run here at Bramley Moore! It’s a huge confidence boost and a huge three points! What a way to start 2027!
DF: Now that was a hell of a match! We kept our concentration and all worked hard as a team to get the win, I wanted to keep the same side and play the same way as I knew we could really open them up down the sides. It was tense throughout that second half but everyone played for the badge today and what a time to get a win! I set Karim a target of 10 goals and we’ll give him a hefty bonus, he’s one away from that now so I think I might have to bench him!
Everton vs Darlington
6th January 2027
The third round of the F.A Cup and it’s a favourable tie for Everton as they take on National League North side Darlington. After Darlington went into administration in 2012, they were reformed and entered the Northern League Division One, the ninth tier of English football and were now pushing hard for promotion to the National League. Ferguson took this as an opportunity to give some fringe players a go and Godfrey and Zubeldia came into the defence with Matsima. Hepburn and Redondo started in midfield and Danny Mead got the nod to start this one and can hopefully show what he is all about. Two minutes in and Moleiro took the ball in the belting rain, he thread it through for Danny Mead who took it nicely on his left foot, got towards goal and scored past the keeper into the bottom right corner! The 16 year old with his first senior goal! At 16 years and 146 days, he is the youngest Everton goalscorer! He loved that and he was straight over to the supporters in the North Stand! Everton continued to dominate and just a few minuted later Roony played it to John Hepburn who smashed it with the side foot and it fired into the net! 2-0! Everton kept the pressure on, Moleiro lumped the ball in the box and Redondo went up for the header but was pushed by the keeper, Andrew Madley pointed to the spot and gave Everton the penalty! Danny Mead asked if he could take it and was given the duty of making it 3-0. He did it with ease as he found the bottom right corner and put the game beyond doubt after 14 minutes! Digne played the free-kick into the box on 16 minutes, Redondo knocked it down and Matsima hit it on the half volley to make it 4-0! But the referee consulted with VAR and it was chalked off. Roony came down the right on 26 minutes, he played it to Redondo outside the box and he chipped it in nicely for Moleiro to tap in at the post, 4-0! Everton were too good and Roony got on the scoresheet on 31 minutes after the pass from Hepburn into his path, too easy. Moleiro made it 6-0 and got his second of the game when Godfrey played a nice forward ball down the left for him to cut inside on and slot low and hard through the keepers arms. Everton made two changes at half-time, Danny Mead was complaining of a knee injury so went off for Beto. Matsima also went off and Jarrad Branthwaite came on. Ben Godfrey scored his first Everton goal when the keeper saved Digne’s 25 yard free-kick effort and he was there to knock it in, Everton seven up on 55 minutes! Everton made two changes with 30 minutes to go, Lars Samardzic returned from injury and replaced an impressive John Hepburn. Martin Tejon came on for Roony Bardghji. Moleiro ran forward under no pressure and played it forward to Beto who was clear of the last defender and he slotted to make it 8-0! Beto with his trademark celebration! A few minutes later Beto got his second and it was almost too easy for Everton, he put it past the keeper with ease as the Darlington defenders completely made a hash of clearing the ball. Darlington just want to get off the pitch but had two minutes of stoppage time to play. It wasn’t over yet and Tejon wanted to have his say as he drove down the right and played a low ball into the box for Redondo to get on the scoresheet and make it ten! A minute later Tejon got another assist, this time playing it forward for Samardzic to find the net and he made it eleven! If Ferguson sent his side out to score goals and put the opposition to the sword then they did just that. It’s an emphatic win and one they needed to help propel them in the league.
DF: Look, we never set out to embarrass anyone, we wanted to play attacking football and unfortunately Darlington were on the receiving end of players trying to prove a point. We didn’t let up and I’m glad we kept our foot on the gas. That’s a new record win for Everton too. I’m pleased for Danny [Mead], he’s set a new record for the club’s youngest ever scorer and we now hope he can also get his first league goal too.
PLAYER RATINGS
LEAGUE TABLE
29th December 2026
=
The last fixture of 2026 for Everton and a home tie against Chelsea. Ferguson went with a different approach, three Centre-Backs – Branthwaite, Zubeldia and Matsima with Valle and Patterson as Wing Backs. It was a front three of Gonzalez, Beto and Konate as Everton looked to end their recent slump in form. The match started and the first real action was when Chilwell lined up the shot from the Chelsea corner but Onana put in a tackle and Konate bombed forward with the ball at his feet, he had Gonzalez in support and he played him in as he took it into the area, went past James and slotted across Hedl to make it 1-0 to Everton on 9 minutes! Pickford made a great save ten minutes later when Mudryk unleashed a right footed shot on the edge of the box and the England number one turned it behind. Patterson came down the right and played a good ball for Beto, his cross was cleared to Garner who played in Patterson and his shot was saved at the near post. Nkunku took the Chelsea free-kick on 28 minutes and sent it into the box, Colwill headed it down and Kalvin Phillips smashed it into the net, 1-1. Everton were doing well in getting stuck in and winning the ball back, they were just lacking in the final third and not getting forward quick enough. Patterson took the ball on the right side and played it forward into the path of Beto, it has to be? He put it past the keeper and made it 2-1! Chelsea were putting the pressure on and Madueke passed short to Enzo Fernandez in the box and Pickford saved with his feet, great stop. Madueke was dangerous down the right and on 51 minutes he found Caicedo who blasted through the hands of Pickford and levelled. Everton made a change on 58 minutes, Onana went off for the young John Hepburn. Ferguson made further two changes 10 minutes later, Maffeo was on for Patterson and the crowd rose to welcome the young and fearless Danny Mead as he stepped up to replace Beto. Everton were great in the tackling and Garner got it wide to Maffeo. Mead pointed in front of him and Maffeo gave it as he wanted it, Colwill tried to block him and as he struck he put it behind for an Everton corner. Cunha came on for Gonzalez, can Everton win this? It went the other way and Sterling put the ball forward for Nkunku who held off Zubeldia and made it 3-2, Pickford couldn’t get off his line quick enough. Mead came close to levelling on 83 minutes when he hit the post as the ball came into the box, so unlucky. Everton pushed forward for the equaliser and put some decent balls into the box but Chelsea defended well and done what they had to to win this battle. Chelsea move up to 5th and Everton remain winless in eight.
PLAYER RATINGS
Everton vs Arsenal
1st January 2027
=
New Years Day football and it’s the Champions and league leaders Arsenal who come to Bramley Moore. The Gunners were on a 31 game unbeaten run in the league and currently looked unstoppable. It will take some doing to bring them down today. The transfer window is now open but there’s not much money for the club to spend in this window unless somebody goes the other way. Ferguson kept the same side that played against Chelsea in the hope his side can be more fortunate in front of goal. Garner took the corner on 6 minutes, he got it into the six yard box and Matsima headed it against the bar, it came to Valle but he was unaware of his surroundings and Arsenal got it clear. Patterson done well to keep the ball from Lookman, turned and came down the right, he played it into the channel for Beto, he put it across the box and Konate scored from close range! Everton with the lead but we have been here before. Everton were doing well, getting in and winning the ball back, getting it forward to the front three at any opportunity. Konate played it to Beto who had nowhere to go but he got the shot away which almost looped over Ramsdale and the keeper back peddled but fortunately for him it went just over. Pixkford played the ball long on 30 minutes, Gonzalez flicked it on and Konate was through on goal, surely he must score? He shot across Ramsdale and it hit the right post and went in! Everton go 2-0 up! Two goals for Karim Konate! The half-time whistle blew and what a performance from Everton. They have to keep up these levels because Arsenal will throw everything at them. So far, they haven’t been themselves. Arteta made changes at half-time and Vieira set up Cozier-Duberry inside the box to lash it past Pickford on 58 minutes to put Arsenal back in the match. It was time for some changes, Everton brought on Moleiro for Valle, Cham came on for Onana and Mead got another go coming on for Beto. A few minutes remained and Everton had to be at their best, Cunha came on for Gonzalez and Godfrey came on for Zubeldia. Everton were minutes away from getting a massive result. Danny Mead got back to win the ball from Lookman and played it to Patterson, Everton just had to keep the ball but when it was played back to Pickford he lumped it forward and Arsenal won it back, Cozier-Duberry got it on the right and Branthwaite done enough to stop him getting forward and committed the foul. Arsenal prepared the free-kick about 25 yards out and Ramsdale came up for it. The corner came to nothing as Vieira strayed offside and Everton were back in possession. Patterson received the pass from Matsima on the right side and had seconds to run down, he tried to pass forward but Lookman cut it out and came down the left, he crossed into the box and Branthwaite headed away. Moleiro got to it and the referee called time! What a win for Everton! They ended Arsenal’s 31 match unbeaten run here at Bramley Moore! It’s a huge confidence boost and a huge three points! What a way to start 2027!
DF: Now that was a hell of a match! We kept our concentration and all worked hard as a team to get the win, I wanted to keep the same side and play the same way as I knew we could really open them up down the sides. It was tense throughout that second half but everyone played for the badge today and what a time to get a win! I set Karim a target of 10 goals and we’ll give him a hefty bonus, he’s one away from that now so I think I might have to bench him!
Everton vs Darlington
6th January 2027
=
The third round of the F.A Cup and it’s a favourable tie for Everton as they take on National League North side Darlington. After Darlington went into administration in 2012, they were reformed and entered the Northern League Division One, the ninth tier of English football and were now pushing hard for promotion to the National League. Ferguson took this as an opportunity to give some fringe players a go and Godfrey and Zubeldia came into the defence with Matsima. Hepburn and Redondo started in midfield and Danny Mead got the nod to start this one and can hopefully show what he is all about. Two minutes in and Moleiro took the ball in the belting rain, he thread it through for Danny Mead who took it nicely on his left foot, got towards goal and scored past the keeper into the bottom right corner! The 16 year old with his first senior goal! At 16 years and 146 days, he is the youngest Everton goalscorer! He loved that and he was straight over to the supporters in the North Stand! Everton continued to dominate and just a few minuted later Roony played it to John Hepburn who smashed it with the side foot and it fired into the net! 2-0! Everton kept the pressure on, Moleiro lumped the ball in the box and Redondo went up for the header but was pushed by the keeper, Andrew Madley pointed to the spot and gave Everton the penalty! Danny Mead asked if he could take it and was given the duty of making it 3-0. He did it with ease as he found the bottom right corner and put the game beyond doubt after 14 minutes! Digne played the free-kick into the box on 16 minutes, Redondo knocked it down and Matsima hit it on the half volley to make it 4-0! But the referee consulted with VAR and it was chalked off. Roony came down the right on 26 minutes, he played it to Redondo outside the box and he chipped it in nicely for Moleiro to tap in at the post, 4-0! Everton were too good and Roony got on the scoresheet on 31 minutes after the pass from Hepburn into his path, too easy. Moleiro made it 6-0 and got his second of the game when Godfrey played a nice forward ball down the left for him to cut inside on and slot low and hard through the keepers arms. Everton made two changes at half-time, Danny Mead was complaining of a knee injury so went off for Beto. Matsima also went off and Jarrad Branthwaite came on. Ben Godfrey scored his first Everton goal when the keeper saved Digne’s 25 yard free-kick effort and he was there to knock it in, Everton seven up on 55 minutes! Everton made two changes with 30 minutes to go, Lars Samardzic returned from injury and replaced an impressive John Hepburn. Martin Tejon came on for Roony Bardghji. Moleiro ran forward under no pressure and played it forward to Beto who was clear of the last defender and he slotted to make it 8-0! Beto with his trademark celebration! A few minutes later Beto got his second and it was almost too easy for Everton, he put it past the keeper with ease as the Darlington defenders completely made a hash of clearing the ball. Darlington just want to get off the pitch but had two minutes of stoppage time to play. It wasn’t over yet and Tejon wanted to have his say as he drove down the right and played a low ball into the box for Redondo to get on the scoresheet and make it ten! A minute later Tejon got another assist, this time playing it forward for Samardzic to find the net and he made it eleven! If Ferguson sent his side out to score goals and put the opposition to the sword then they did just that. It’s an emphatic win and one they needed to help propel them in the league.
DF: Look, we never set out to embarrass anyone, we wanted to play attacking football and unfortunately Darlington were on the receiving end of players trying to prove a point. We didn’t let up and I’m glad we kept our foot on the gas. That’s a new record win for Everton too. I’m pleased for Danny [Mead], he’s set a new record for the club’s youngest ever scorer and we now hope he can also get his first league goal too.
PLAYER RATINGS
LEAGUE TABLE
Stephen Gibson
Player Valuation: £15m
I just received an amazon package we didn't order. Checked the account, checked the bank & all is normal. Someone has seemingly sent me a package. Open it up & Big Dunc is staring at me!! Not got a clue who it's from but I'll happily accept it. Nice.
We'll never forget the date 6th January 2027. What a win, goal after goal after goal after foal after coal after dole after hole after mole after whole after bowl after pole
11 of them!!!
F C U K U Darlington you inbred scruffs, we destroyed you, fold as a club this instant I DEMAND IT!
And to think, there were those that doubted Big Dunc. Well I had a quiet word with the big man over a few cans of McCewans Lager (to make him feel at home ) and I even invited Aldo and his pigeons and cups of piss as well, though kept him outside the dirty little pigeon fiddler.
Things are on the up lads and lasses, mums and lollipop ladies and checkout people of supermarkets across the Northwest (not the self service ones the gormless lazy tits) our name is on the cup!!!
You're welcome
Daytripper
Player Valuation: £40m
Audiobook version is on Spotify Premium
No doubt it'll be number 1 in the most listened to audio book mate.
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