My Football Diary

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Pat's Van said:
We jump into a DELTA and the driver has a good laugh with us as he’s very right wing and he scoffs at my somewhat naive liberalist opinions. We have some great banter. I’m wearing my “Tina Turner” Halloween costume as a sort of trial run.

We arrive at Goodison. I’m now utterly convinced that this country is for too relaxed on immigration. I head into a nearby corner shop to remonstrate with the Bangladeshi owner but he just looks really confused about the whole platinum blonde wig and my tiger skin leggings so I end up just buying a packet of jolly ranchers.

Outside the ground, I take in the sights and sounds. I smell delicious fried onions and can hear the sausages hissing and fizzing on the burger van grill. I remember Zippy off Rainbow used to sing a song about ten sizzling sausages and I laugh about this for exactly 43 seconds. My bird smiles at me. It’s not too long before I realise she is in fact smiling at some juice-head behind me. I aim a kick at a pigeon and miss, my stiletto flies off my foot but I retrieve it.

Inside the ground later on the blues are playing well. I join in the Gwladys Street chants and it’s great. I decide to start my own. The first quiet moment and I jump up onto my seat and scream ….
“WHO AAAARE WE ???…WHO AAAARE WE ???”
I wait for the response. There is no response.
“EVERTON” I shout, “WE’RE EVERTON”.
Some bemused looks but that’s all. I sit back down.

Later on, I try again. Up I go, onto my seat and I hold my arms out wide and I shout
“WHO AAAAARE WE??? WHO AAAAAARE WE???”…..
“PIPE DOWN STREAKY” someone shouts.
“EVERTON, WE’RE EVERTON” I shout back half-heartedly.

The next time, I jump up onto my seat and do a little bit of a Tina Turner style Harlem Shuffle booty shake wiggle/stomp. A half full coke can hurtles through the air and cracks me on the bonce, knocking my wig off my head and myself off my seat. My stiletto gets caught between the seats and I fall sideways onto a man and his young son. The man punches me in the throat.

I’m lead to the exit by 2 stewards and a response team. “****ing weirdo” one says as they throw me through the door and I land on my ass in some horse **** in the street. Thankfully, my giant comedy butt has helped cushion the blow. I get up and dust myself off.

WHO AAAAAARE WE ??? EVERTON !!!

Who am I ??? I’m Mick

MickM86.

simply the best.
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hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha


kin hell Pat.



best post i have ever read on here

EVER
 


orchard said:
I am Mick.
Tell me what you want me to do when I join in please.
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The reason I started this was to provide daily match day entertainment, I'll write today's story, and I'll continue to do so, I just wish there was more involvement, there's hundreds of members on here and this thread only attracts a handful. I'll keep going and hope it picks up.
 
MickM86 said:
The reason I started this was to provide daily match day entertainment, I'll write today's story, and I'll continue to do so, I just wish there was more involvement, there's hundreds of members on here and this thread only attracts a handful. I'll keep going and hope it picks up.
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Where is it then Mick?
Don't forget REALLY good artists are rarely appreciated in their own lifetime, usually because their consciousness is so far ahead of their contemporaries.
 
Pat's Van said:
I like it when you or your bird go "I'm hungry!"

but something's changed Mick, you just don't seem "hungry" anymore
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Yep, good point mate, and I think he gave us a clue earlier that this may happen when he didn't drink his beer on the bus. I think he's asserting that he's beyond 'hunger' and 'thirst', having common root in being appetitive elements, and that it's a metaphor suggesting he's striving for something more, something less Worldly. That's my reading anyway.
 
orchard said:
Yep, good point mate, and I think he gave us a clue earlier that this may happen when he didn't drink his beer on the bus. I think he's asserting that he's beyond 'hunger' and 'thirst', having common root in being appetitive elements, and that it's a metaphor suggesting he's striving for something more, something less Worldly. That's my reading anyway.
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I think he's just polished off that pasta bake
 

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