Mutzo Nutzo
Player Valuation: £70m
Calm down Team GB.
OK lets start DAY 4 with the biggest upset in the history of the world, our Ruggers Chicks going home empty handed. Beaten by the both North American upstarts leaves a taste as bitter as licking a eucalyptus leaf and they shouldn't bother coming back. JKS, good on them, go have some fun in the Olympic Villiage girls.
Professor of Swimming Babeology at Fair Dinkum University Kaylee Mckeown blasted the Olympic Record and the competition away with another towering performance in the 100m Backstroke. Gold to the Green and Gold. More to come from Macca before they drain the pool and build a much needed sewage treatment plant.
This handsome mob came third in the 200m relay, swam arguably better than the first two, but not quite as fast which unfairly got held against them. Lots of finals coming up, King Kyle and Queen Titmus up against the Court Jesters over the remaining few days. Wondering why there's no records being broken despite even the heat swimmers being faster than Matt Biondi in 1986? Yet another thing the Frogs have ballsed up.
The Sharks provide an epic victory over the 2 time defending Champs The Serbs in what has to be the greatest upset in the history of the world but you won't hear about it 'on the BBC'.
A 6-2 mauling by the Dirty Belge takes the gloss off our wonderful arms in Hockey.
The Fox powers into hearts, minds, and another semi, in the event where her double paddle is now half a paddle, which leads me to believe in the last canoe event they will have no paddles.
Rigney vies for the Fox's fans by powering through the Quarters in what has been an awful rowing program for the Bonzers. Growing up on a diet of Uncle Toby's, sung at you daily through your Harvey Norman Television from the all conquering Awesome Foursome, which might be all too obscure a reference to your average gap-toothed Brit, but all too familiar for your Aussie Legend; you'd expect a legion of iron shouldered rowing machines powering through the pitiful wakes of the meandering competion, but alas. The sum total product of decades of dominance being the solitary, yet stunning, Tara Rigney.
In Tahiti, Jack Robinson nearly drowns before being pulled from the dangerous surf. “Every other sport is in a court or a stadium,” Robinson lashes out at the other baby sports. “We are in an ocean. It is the biggest, most powerful source of life we have on this planet." The surfing is postponed as they meditate on how to move on from this epiphany.
In other postponement news, the Triathlon, and why you never ever swim in any European river, wipe any European toliet seat before you use it and carry a set of wet wipes and snuff in any European Country.
Logan and Natalya BMX their way into the finals where if you've never seen this before you watch the women and go wow, then you watch the men and just go WT actual F.
And so as we lurch into Day 5, the Medal Tally update provides slight hope for you Septics and Horse Punchers, as the shear weight of your number comes to bear in the long run. Japan stay top, Everyones favourites Australia up into third and the rest just bore the World with their efforts. If you want to have a good laugh at Sports Expense - Bludging on the Blindside is for you. https://www.abc.net.au/listen/programs/bludging-on-the-blindside
Sniff it McBain you massive koala botherer.
| Rank | Country | GGold
| SSilver
| BBronze
| TotalTotal
|
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 
CHNChina | 8 | 6. | 2 | 16 |
| 2 | 
JPNJapan | 7 | 2 | 4 | 13 |
| 3 | 
FRAFrance | 6 | 9 | 6 | 21 |
| 4 | 
GBGreat Britain | 6 | 6 | 5 | 17 |
| 5 | 
AUSAustralia | 6 | 4 | 3 | 13 |
| 6 | 
KORSouth Korea | 5 | 3 | 3 |
