Hiya mate. If you want to post an update for the group.....
My mum and I went yesterday, sat by his bed for a few hours and talked to him, then spoke to the doctors before sitting with him some more. They assured us he could probably hear, which is a huge comfort.
We went back to speak with him, and told him Neville Southall had asked after him, told him about you guys and all the messages of love and support.
More than that, I told him how proud I am that he's my dad, that I'm his son, to carry a part of him inside me. I told him so much, so many things I wish I had more time to say. He opened his eyes.
He's hooked up to everything imaginable - ECG, tube, intubated, central line, drips, everything - and he's sedated, anaesthetised, paralysed, all to keep him asleep and resting. He opened his eyes, tried to look in my direction, and started to cry.
It's not supposed to happen, but I'm certain it means he can hear me.
I told him that we're so alike, and we find life a puzzle and a struggle sometimes, but that it always feels more manageable with him to turn to. I talked, about so much.... about how he took me to my first day of school, how he let me stay up late so we could watch X-Files together, and all the ways he made me feel loved and adored as a child.
My father is a gentle, kind, loving man. However, he was so often overlooked and ignored by his own parents when he was growing up that being a father and showing love was something he had to learn on the job. I often look at my dad and see a lost little boy, aching for love. Right now, that's how I feel. All I want is my dad back home, and I can't accept that the man who put so much of himself into me might not be there any more.
I'm not ready to not have a dad, my dad. I'm not ready to be an "adult" yet. It's still unfinished. But even an entire lifetime wouldn't be enough.
They've taken the cooling pads off him, which is procedure following a cardiac arrest, and, following his attempts to wake up yesterday and through the night, they maintained sedation, but they're going to consider removing the sedation to see how he goes and how he handles being awake.
This seems like such a disjointed update, and one with a lot of personal details, but I feel it's important....
My dad turned to football as a comfort, listening to the scores on the radio and updating the table in the paper, while his parents argued, dealt with other things that stole their attention, and when he was shipped off to boarding school. One of the ways he built a connection with me was through Everton - even when I lived 200 miles away for a while, we'd still go to every home game.
I say all this because (and maybe some of you relate to this) my dad has, is, and may always remain somewhat of a mystery to me.... but it's been wonderful to hear how so many people think so highly of him and have so many lovely things to say about him.
I'm so proud of him, and of all of you.
I'll update you with more information as and when, should anything develop. I'm going to visit him a little later, and I'll be going every day.
