Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[kithnou]

Davies and Keverton. First of all can I say that you have both made the move in the right direction by posting here. It takes huge courage to talk about how you feel, keep going. Go see your doctor, most are very understanding about this condition. Counseling can be great for you. I went along thinking it would be rubbish, what can they tell me. I was amazed by them, they really helped me. Also helped me understand why I feel the way I do. I was ashamed and and would not tell my family or mates, it almost led to my death. When I told them they were incredible. They never judged me, just helped me and loved me. If you can not talk to them yet then talk to a doctor or an therapist. Their are helplines and websites you can look at. You are not failing at anything, you are not useless, it is a condition, and it can be managed. Keep talking to us on here. And if you need a good cry then have one, no shame in it.

Good Luck.

Great post my man! Awesome info for all of us. You are a gun

 

[helpimonfire]

http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/depression.php

 

[COYBL25]

Morning blues
I'm going through a tough time and don't know where to turn. Firstly I've got a amazing family, parents, brothers and sisters and so many great friends. Lastly the best wife I could possibly wish for. She amazing yet I feel the loneliest person in the world. I'm depressed I know I am, have been for a couple of years now. I can't talk to anyone about it as I feel ashamed and also a failure. The issue I have everyone thinks I'm the strong one. I'm always smiling having a laugh, cracking a joke and trying to help others with their issues people will always say he's the last person to feel down or depressed.
My self asteem is at a all time low, I feel that I can't do anything what I mean by that I always think I'm no good at it and I'm doing it wrong. Things are coming to a head and a lot of its now financial and I feel I'm sinking. Last night I got upset cause I was trying to plug a usb cable in to my TV and I couldt after 30 seconds I realised I was trying to plug it in to the hdmi port, funny that, yet in my mind another thing I can't do anything right. That's what made me think I need to get things of my chest. I'm finding writing this really emotional.
I'll try and give some background. Got made redundant late 2013. Now I was depressed in my old job so I thought it was that but not sure it was. I suffered from anxiety always thinking the worst. The last 15 months I've tried starting my own business and if I'm brutally honest it not going well and that makes me feel ashamed and a failure. The problem I have is in my business I always think I'm going to do a bad job (even though I've had nothing but positive feedback) so I charge cheap which doesn't help. When my phone rings I'm scared to pick it up and nervous in case it's a call for a quote. The problem is I know I will probably do a great job as I've done great jobs previously but in mind that will be the call I will mess everything up. I very rarely sleep at night through worry and now I know the money we bring in won't cover all our outgoings. Last night the wife tried to talk to me about getting another loan to pay of another credit card which is high interest, I snapped at her as I was watching everton and she apologised. It killed me inside cause she works so hard 8-6 6 days a week. I have a son who is the best and I coach his football team but we lose every game and I feel that's my fault and I'm letting them down even though they are u7. This morning I just hugged him while we watched avengers in bed before we got up to get him ready for school. I had to hold back the tears cause I think I should do better for him. But I know I'm a great dad to him but still feel I'm letting him down cause I can't provide financially. I know any of my friends or family will say I could talk to them but I can't as I know I'll break down and I don't want that as I don't want people to see I'm a failure. My wife knows something up but she just thinks I'm tired as I'm not sleeping well she doesn't know how I really feel and I know she'll be fab but feel like I'm letting everyone down. I feel selfish cause I'm sure my wife is worrying but she's staying strong as I think she doesn't want to add to me not sleeping. This is the first time I've mentioned any of this cause I can't do it face to face.
Last year one evening I snapped at the wife over nothing and didn't speak to her all night even though she did nothing wrong and that night I cried thinking everyone would much better of without me. I know that is most definitely not the case but it's in my head.

 

[COYBL25]

Amazing post mate, from the heart. You,ve opened the first door to getting better by getting that off your chest. As hard as this is going to be, you need to tell your missus. You mention that you think she is worried about you ?. She'll have noticed the change in you so I don't think it'll shock her. Choose the right moment, like when you know you are alone and won't be interrupted. It,ll be very very hard, as you're natural instincts will be to bottle it. Be brutally honest with her, women are good at this stuff, men generally aren't. I can guarantee once you've told her you will feel like a weight had been lifted. A weight has been lifted as you,ve got it out in the open. Go and see your GP and take it from there. You,ll probably be put on anti depressants to start with. It takes a while for them to kick in and you may have to how back to your GP a few times until they get them right .

From your post you sound as though you are suffering from anxiety issues too. Anxiety and depression go hand in hand - you worry about being worried and end up worried about everything. Anxiety is also a major cause of insomnia if you are having trouble sleeping too. Tell all of this to you GP if you are. The world has moved on massively with regards to mental health.

Keep on posting mate, you aren't alone.

 

[T LEAFE]

Not sure whether I can help but I thought I'd share my experiences.

I suffered from depression since about 2000. I had many problems at work worrying about letting others down which got worse when I got promoted and had even more people to worry about. I used to spend ages hiding in the toilet, going to hide in a church at lunch time,even though I wasn't religious, and crying on the train station on the way home. I hid it from everyone. Eventually my wife knew what was going on. I continued to hide it at work until one day I broke down in front of my boss,
My GP had put me on anti depressants for a few years but after things got worse he insisted I went into a clinic. I spent about 6 months there but eventually my consultant said I had to give up my job.

I had counselling and all types of cognitive theory but the biggest help was talking to the other patients at the hospital. We used to talk at coffee and lunch and some of us have remained in touch for 8 years since. It's amazing to be able to talk to others who really understand how you feel.

I don't know whether it has been suggested before but maybe this forum could arrange for people to meet up and chat and share their thoughts.

From my own experiences the other things that have helped me are;

1 Get a dog if you can. They are such fun and comfort. Plus you meet other dog walkers who somehow tend to be nice people.

2.I got a volunteers job. It's less pressure and so rewarding. I'm very lucky to be working with young disabled adults. It's amazing to be in the company of people who are so happy. I don't get the buzz by helping them but more by just enjoying their company. I have met some of the best friends ever.

3. Watch non league football. It's less stressful than watching the blues! I watch my local team most weeks and have done the turnstiles-I even enjoy talking to people coming in as they are just football people. If not I go and ground hop and just enjoy a game.

 

[Groucho]

http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/depression.php

That's great that.

 

[BiggyRat]

I don't know whether it has been suggested before but maybe this forum could arrange for people to meet up and chat and share their thoughts.

Thanks for sharing T LEAFE. I just thought I'd comment on the above though...

I reckon it would be better for individuals to decide to catch up if they choose to do so, rather than a thread get together. The reason for this is that I believe the thread works because it's an anonymous forum and that allows people to share their intimate thoughts at a time when they are more likely to be hiding them.

I certainly don't think it'd be wrong for people to catch up, but maybe not a general one...besides, Melbourne is a hell of a long way from Merseyside!!!

 

[AlE]

Not sure whether I can help but I thought I'd share my experiences.

I suffered from depression since about 2000. I had many problems at work worrying about letting others down which got worse when I got promoted and had even more people to worry about. I used to spend ages hiding in the toilet, going to hide in a church at lunch time,even though I wasn't religious, and crying on the train station on the way home. I hid it from everyone. Eventually my wife knew what was going on. I continued to hide it at work until one day I broke down in front of my boss,
My GP had put me on anti depressants for a few years but after things got worse he insisted I went into a clinic. I spent about 6 months there but eventually my consultant said I had to give up my job.

I had counselling and all types of cognitive theory but the biggest help was talking to the other patients at the hospital. We used to talk at coffee and lunch and some of us have remained in touch for 8 years since. It's amazing to be able to talk to others who really understand how you feel.

I don't know whether it has been suggested before but maybe this forum could arrange for people to meet up and chat and share their thoughts.

From my own experiences the other things that have helped me are;

1 Get a dog if you can. They are such fun and comfort. Plus you meet other dog walkers who somehow tend to be nice people.

2.I got a volunteers job. It's less pressure and so rewarding. I'm very lucky to be working with young disabled adults. It's amazing to be in the company of people who are so happy. I don't get the buzz by helping them but more by just enjoying their company. I have met some of the best friends ever.

3. Watch non league football. It's less stressful than watching the blues! I watch my local team most weeks and have done the turnstiles-I even enjoy talking to people coming in as they are just football people. If not I go and ground hop and just enjoy a game.

These are really nice suggestions.

I've found from my own experiences that loneliness is a big part of depression and anxiety, so yeah, I like your suggestions!!

 

[EFCPaul]

Morning blues
I'm going through a tough time and don't know where to turn. Firstly I've got a amazing family, parents, brothers and sisters and so many great friends. Lastly the best wife I could possibly wish for. She amazing yet I feel the loneliest person in the world. I'm depressed I know I am, have been for a couple of years now. I can't talk to anyone about it as I feel ashamed and also a failure. The issue I have everyone thinks I'm the strong one. I'm always smiling having a laugh, cracking a joke and trying to help others with their issues people will always say he's the last person to feel down or depressed.
My self asteem is at a all time low, I feel that I can't do anything what I mean by that I always think I'm no good at it and I'm doing it wrong. Things are coming to a head and a lot of its now financial and I feel I'm sinking. Last night I got upset cause I was trying to plug a usb cable in to my TV and I couldt after 30 seconds I realised I was trying to plug it in to the hdmi port, funny that, yet in my mind another thing I can't do anything right. That's what made me think I need to get things of my chest. I'm finding writing this really emotional.
I'll try and give some background. Got made redundant late 2013. Now I was depressed in my old job so I thought it was that but not sure it was. I suffered from anxiety always thinking the worst. The last 15 months I've tried starting my own business and if I'm brutally honest it not going well and that makes me feel ashamed and a failure. The problem I have is in my business I always think I'm going to do a bad job (even though I've had nothing but positive feedback) so I charge cheap which doesn't help. When my phone rings I'm scared to pick it up and nervous in case it's a call for a quote. The problem is I know I will probably do a great job as I've done great jobs previously but in mind that will be the call I will mess everything up. I very rarely sleep at night through worry and now I know the money we bring in won't cover all our outgoings. Last night the wife tried to talk to me about getting another loan to pay of another credit card which is high interest, I snapped at her as I was watching everton and she apologised. It killed me inside cause she works so hard 8-6 6 days a week. I have a son who is the best and I coach his football team but we lose every game and I feel that's my fault and I'm letting them down even though they are u7. This morning I just hugged him while we watched avengers in bed before we got up to get him ready for school. I had to hold back the tears cause I think I should do better for him. But I know I'm a great dad to him but still feel I'm letting him down cause I can't provide financially. I know any of my friends or family will say I could talk to them but I can't as I know I'll break down and I don't want that as I don't want people to see I'm a failure. My wife knows something up but she just thinks I'm tired as I'm not sleeping well she doesn't know how I really feel and I know she'll be fab but feel like I'm letting everyone down. I feel selfish cause I'm sure my wife is worrying but she's staying strong as I think she doesn't want to add to me not sleeping. This is the first time I've mentioned any of this cause I can't do it face to face.
Last year one evening I snapped at the wife over nothing and didn't speak to her all night even though she did nothing wrong and that night I cried thinking everyone would much better of without me. I know that is most definitely not the case but it's in my head.

First off mate, can I say well done for finding the courage to open up and pour your heart out. Believe me, I've been there myself and I understand how hard it is to actually tell other people that something has gone wrong and you feel as bad as you do. For me, it felt like life was passing me by. I felt like I was a car on the motorway that had broken down whilst all the other cars on the road were driving past me and getting to where-ever it is they were going whilst I was stuck with no way to fix anything.

You've done nothing wrong, this is not your fault and you don't deserve to feel how you do. Tell yourself that and please try to believe it. Depression is an ILLNESS. Nobody gets depression because they deserve it or ask for it, it's an illness that unfortunately ANYONE can be affected by and like all other illnesses it needs to be treated and not ignored.

My advice would be to definitely go to the doctor and tell him/her about it, see your local GP and ask if they can put you on some anti-depressants. Please don't be scared of the idea of being put on them, I promise you they work if you give them time. I didn't want to take them at first because I naively thought they'd mess with my head but the only thing that was messing with my head was my own fears about not giving them a chance. When I eventually did, and I stuck with them, I definitely found that my moods improved. Instead of constantly worrying about my future I found I was able to relax a bit more and I'd guess you'd love to feel that way at the moment. Some people stay on them their whole lives if they feel the need too and there's nothing wrong with that.

Another piece of advice would be to start working out. Do you go the gym? You say you manage your sons football team, maybe try and do some physical exercise rountines with them? Maybe for training one night you could take them all for a run or play some games on a big field? Working out and getting all sweaty is brilliant for a troubled mind, it releases chemicals in your brain that help focus you. I really can't stress enough how much it helps, really. I did it on my GP's advice and I feel loads better, it's the best advice anyone's ever gave me. Since I've started going regular I've lost some weight and gotten a lot fitter and so my confidence has come up.

Please believe me mate, you're not on your own. You have people both here and around you who want to help and listen to you, people who want you to get better and feel at ease again. If you ever want a chat or update on how things are going, please post in here again because I'm sure we'd all love to keep up with you. God bless.

 

[Robertor]

Morning blues
I'm going through a tough time and don't know where to turn. Firstly I've got a amazing family, parents, brothers and sisters and so many great friends. Lastly the best wife I could possibly wish for. She amazing yet I feel the loneliest person in the world. I'm depressed I know I am, have been for a couple of years now. I can't talk to anyone about it as I feel ashamed and also a failure. The issue I have everyone thinks I'm the strong one. I'm always smiling having a laugh, cracking a joke and trying to help others with their issues people will always say he's the last person to feel down or depressed.
My self asteem is at a all time low, I feel that I can't do anything what I mean by that I always think I'm no good at it and I'm doing it wrong. Things are coming to a head and a lot of its now financial and I feel I'm sinking. Last night I got upset cause I was trying to plug a usb cable in to my TV and I couldt after 30 seconds I realised I was trying to plug it in to the hdmi port, funny that, yet in my mind another thing I can't do anything right. That's what made me think I need to get things of my chest. I'm finding writing this really emotional.
I'll try and give some background. Got made redundant late 2013. Now I was depressed in my old job so I thought it was that but not sure it was. I suffered from anxiety always thinking the worst. The last 15 months I've tried starting my own business and if I'm brutally honest it not going well and that makes me feel ashamed and a failure. The problem I have is in my business I always think I'm going to do a bad job (even though I've had nothing but positive feedback) so I charge cheap which doesn't help. When my phone rings I'm scared to pick it up and nervous in case it's a call for a quote. The problem is I know I will probably do a great job as I've done great jobs previously but in mind that will be the call I will mess everything up. I very rarely sleep at night through worry and now I know the money we bring in won't cover all our outgoings. Last night the wife tried to talk to me about getting another loan to pay of another credit card which is high interest, I snapped at her as I was watching everton and she apologised. It killed me inside cause she works so hard 8-6 6 days a week. I have a son who is the best and I coach his football team but we lose every game and I feel that's my fault and I'm letting them down even though they are u7. This morning I just hugged him while we watched avengers in bed before we got up to get him ready for school. I had to hold back the tears cause I think I should do better for him. But I know I'm a great dad to him but still feel I'm letting him down cause I can't provide financially. I know any of my friends or family will say I could talk to them but I can't as I know I'll break down and I don't want that as I don't want people to see I'm a failure. My wife knows something up but she just thinks I'm tired as I'm not sleeping well she doesn't know how I really feel and I know she'll be fab but feel like I'm letting everyone down. I feel selfish cause I'm sure my wife is worrying but she's staying strong as I think she doesn't want to add to me not sleeping. This is the first time I've mentioned any of this cause I can't do it face to face.
Last year one evening I snapped at the wife over nothing and didn't speak to her all night even though she did nothing wrong and that night I cried thinking everyone would much better of without me. I know that is most definitely not the case but it's in my head.

Well done for posting, mate. Takes a lot of guts.

I read over your post a couple of times and I couldn't help but recognise that you lack confidence but do have the belief in yourself that you can do well, and at times though it's hard you need to look at what others think of you and take that as a huge confidence and self esteem boost, like where you say about the positive reviews of your business.

On a personal level, me and my wife lost our baby in August and I got severely depressed but I decided to speak to my wife about it and this is where I can relate to you because my wife is a great person. She helped me through it and gave me the help and attention I needed at the time and I really recommend that you go through it all and let it all out, as the saying goes a problem shared is a problem halved.

I'm younger than you are and couldn't relate to the financial difficulties and the parenting worries, but I'm certain your son looks up to you and you even say yourself that you know you're a great dad, so I really think a chat with your wife would give you the confidence to believe in yourself to turn your depression into loving yourself and the life you lead; you have a lot to be proud of.

I suffered from depression a few years ago but hid it from everyone so I neglected my wife who was then my girlfriend, aswell as my friends and family, but nobody knew why. It came to the point where I was very close to distancing myself so much that I'd lose people. I had therapy for a year after that and I'd recommend it to everybody no matter whether they're depressed or not, in my opinion everyone in the world should have therapy at some point in their life because it really gives you a different outlook on things and helps you to deal with things in a much better way. I really recommend giving it a try.

Hope this post can help in anyway mate.

 

[kithnou]

First off mate, can I say well done for finding the courage to open up and pour your heart out. Believe me, I've been there myself and I understand how hard it is to actually tell other people that something has gone wrong and you feel as bad as you do. For me, it felt like life was passing me by. I felt like I was a car on the motorway that had broken down whilst all the other cars on the road were driving past me and getting to where-ever it is they were going whilst I was stuck with no way to fix anything.

You've done nothing wrong, this is not your fault and you don't deserve to feel how you do. Tell yourself that and please try to believe it. Depression is an ILLNESS. Nobody gets depression because they deserve it or ask for it, it's an illness that unfortunately ANYONE can be affected by and like all other illnesses it needs to be treated and not ignored.

My advice would be to definitely go to the doctor and tell him/her about it, see your local GP and ask if they can put you on some anti-depressants. Please don't be scared of the idea of being put on them, I promise you they work if you give them time. I didn't want to take them at first because I naively thought they'd mess with my head but the only thing that was messing with my head was my own fears about not giving them a chance. When I eventually did, and I stuck with them, I definitely found that my moods improved. Instead of constantly worrying about my future I found I was able to relax a bit more and I'd guess you'd love to feel that way at the moment. Some people stay on them their whole lives if they feel the need too and there's nothing wrong with that.

Another piece of advice would be to start working out. Do you go the gym? You say you manage your sons football team, maybe try and do some physical exercise rountines with them? Maybe for training one night you could take them all for a run or play some games on a big field? Working out and getting all sweaty is brilliant for a troubled mind, it releases chemicals in your brain that help focus you. I really can't stress enough how much it helps, really. I did it on my GP's advice and I feel loads better, it's the best advice anyone's ever gave me. Since I've started going regular I've lost some weight and gotten a lot fitter and so my confidence has come up.

Please believe me mate, you're not on your own. You have people both here and around you who want to help and listen to you, people who want you to get better and feel at ease again. If you ever want a chat or update on how things are going, please post in here again because I'm sure we'd all love to keep up with you. God bless.

Great post mate

 

[kithnou]

Well done for posting, mate. Takes a lot of guts.

I read over your post a couple of times and I couldn't help but recognise that you lack confidence but do have the belief in yourself that you can do well, and at times though it's hard you need to look at what others think of you and take that as a huge confidence and self esteem boost, like where you say about the positive reviews of your business.

On a personal level, me and my wife lost our baby in August and I got severely depressed but I decided to speak to my wife about it and this is where I can relate to you because my wife is a great person. She helped me through it and gave me the help and attention I needed at the time and I really recommend that you go through it all and let it all out, as the saying goes a problem shared is a problem halved.

I'm younger than you are and couldn't relate to the financial difficulties and the parenting worries, but I'm certain your son looks up to you and you even say yourself that you know you're a great dad, so I really think a chat with your wife would give you the confidence to believe in yourself to turn your depression into loving yourself and the life you lead; you have a lot to be proud of.

I suffered from depression a few years ago but hid it from everyone so I neglected my wife who was then my girlfriend, aswell as my friends and family, but nobody knew why. It came to the point where I was very close to distancing myself so much that I'd lose people. I had therapy for a year after that and I'd recommend it to everybody no matter whether they're depressed or not, in my opinion everyone in the world should have therapy at some point in their life because it really gives you a different outlook on things and helps you to deal with things in a much better way. I really recommend giving it a try.

Hope this post can help in anyway mate.

Great post

 

[COYBL25]

Not sure whether I can help but I thought I'd share my experiences.

I suffered from depression since about 2000. I had many problems at work worrying about letting others down which got worse when I got promoted and had even more people to worry about. I used to spend ages hiding in the toilet, going to hide in a church at lunch time,even though I wasn't religious, and crying on the train station on the way home. I hid it from everyone. Eventually my wife knew what was going on. I continued to hide it at work until one day I broke down in front of my boss,
My GP had put me on anti depressants for a few years but after things got worse he insisted I went into a clinic. I spent about 6 months there but eventually my consultant said I had to give up my job.

I had counselling and all types of cognitive theory but the biggest help was talking to the other patients at the hospital. We used to talk at coffee and lunch and some of us have remained in touch for 8 years since. It's amazing to be able to talk to others who really understand how you feel.

I don't know whether it has been suggested before but maybe this forum could arrange for people to meet up and chat and share their thoughts.

From my own experiences the other things that have helped me are;

1 Get a dog if you can. They are such fun and comfort. Plus you meet other dog walkers who somehow tend to be nice people.

2.I got a volunteers job. It's less pressure and so rewarding. I'm very lucky to be working with young disabled adults. It's amazing to be in the company of people who are so happy. I don't get the buzz by helping them but more by just enjoying their company. I have met some of the best friends ever.

3. Watch non league football. It's less stressful than watching the blues! I watch my local team most weeks and have done the turnstiles-I even enjoy talking to people coming in as they are just football people. If not I go and ground hop and just enjoy a game.

Some wonderful advice there based on your own experience and recovery, especially about getting a dog and volunteering. A dog will always need a walk at some point during the day, so you have it take it out or it'll annoy the hell out if you until you do. That could be the only time you leave the house on that day. Even if you don't speak to anyone that in itself can be an achievement. It's almost impossible not to talk to anyone when walking a dog, even if it's just to say " good morning ".
You're back in the land of the living again and that's a good thing.

Volunteering can be better than any form of counselling, as it gives you a sense of purpose and also achievement too. Voluntary work isn't like regular work as you're doing it for the right reasons rather than because you have to and that adds to the sense of well being as well.

There's loads of different organisations looking for volunteers at anyone time , so what ever interests you there will be something out there for you.

 

[Joao Moutinho]

One thing that I've found to help to ease the pain of severe depression is a little bit of indulgence in spirituality. I realise it's not for everyone, nor does it compare to the help or advice from a qualified GP but if it is something you have an interest in, things like meditation can help sometimes. It sounds stupid I know but it helps a little.

It doesn't get rid of anything though, it's not a magic wand just a way to relax and to cope with negative feelings, well personally anyway. I've gotten quite depressed again of late and am thinking of going back to the doctor but it's all about finding coping strategies

 

[BiggyRat]

One thing that I've found to help to ease the pain of severe depression is a little bit of indulgence in spirituality. I realise it's not for everyone, nor does it compare to the help or advice from a qualified GP but if it is something you have an interest in, things like meditation can help sometimes. It sounds stupid I know but it helps a little.

It doesn't get rid of anything though, it's not a magic wand just a way to relax and to cope with negative feelings, well personally anyway. I've gotten quite depressed again of late and am thinking of going back to the doctor but it's all about finding coping strategies

Some people find a lot of strength in Religion or spirituality. It's certainly an option if you're that way inclined, but I personally wouldn't recommend "finding Jesus/Allah/Yoda" unless you are already experienced with it.