Haven't posted in here for a while, mostly because I am doing alright these days but looking for some advice about how to handle aging family members. By aging, I mean ailing mind. Loss of memory and logical thinking facilities. That sort of thing.
I live very close by my retired Dad and still full-time employed Mum. I see my Dad daily, we eat lunch together, chat about the dog, football, whatever. He's not got many friends and doesn't go out on his own volition. If I weren't around, he'd be alone all day until my Mum gets home from work. I make his lunch often, and cook his tea whenever Mum is away for an evening.
Over the last couple years his mind has been deteriorating. Its gotten to the point where he loses things constantly, imagines noises, forgets what he has been told and cannot grasp a lot of concepts. He's called to me to help when he can't put the harness on the dog before a walk and he's put it on rear-end first or upside down, or when he can't figure out how to use a household appliance or TV remote. He always gets frustrated and its a challenge to know how to engage. I also find myself losing patience when I try to spell things out as simply as I can and it clearly isn't being received. He then gets upset at my response, then I get upset because I've made him sad. I struggle to know how to respond. Sometimes its a serious thing like him putting his hand in the steam of a kettle or not taking the dog's post-surgery vest off so she can pee and she pees in it, risking infection in her wounds, and I feel compelled to try and be loud and clear to make sure he understands but he sees it as me having a go, even accused me of 'loving it' when he does something wrong which was pretty heartbreaking. My Mum has similar situations often, too.
He's in the NHS pipeline. Had several different scans, blood tests, memory tests and the consultants stop short of saying he needs care because he can feed, clothe and wash himself so there is no assistance or medication yet.
It feels like there are so many lose-lose interactions that are impossible to navigate where everyone comes out upset, almost daily. Its emotionally draining and I can't imagine it ever getting better.