Do you know that good bit in the film where you realise you’re enjoying it but you’re waiting for the flimsy storyline to burst through or a really sh*te twist of plot, well that’s a bit overdramatic to explain my experience of Everton at the moment. But it’s about there.
A really superb first half against Newcastle was tempered by a second half that allowed them back in it but we took the three points and a third consecutive win placed us prettily in fourth place going into October.
The vast majority of us are realistic to understand that the season won’t be that plain sailing and there will be times when this new process of change were undergoing will look a bit naf. There’s never an end destination in football as on the back of top honours a fanbase with misplaced entitlement will be craving the same - but on toast - the following season but I sincerely hope that first half was a glimpse of the place we are striving to be, as it was ace. Or maybe it was just Newcastle being laughably bad and a one half wonder from us that any team in the top division can produce. More probably I’m thinking too hard about things and should enjoy EFC on a game-to-game basis so that’s what we’ll do then.
That next game pits us against the great empire of Manchester City. Not really like, they’re just minted which is the main accelerator to quick success in the modern game. It would be folly of me to suggest they’re sh*te because they have a recent league and FA Cup under their belt but they have just got royally mullered (excuse the pun) by one of the teams in Europe that they think they are competing with.
You see were not going to pretend were competing with City, put us above them in the league in October or even March and we know they can go and blow 100m on a variety of players and put us to it over a 38 game season. But rarely can they do it over a home and away, and wonderfully it really does their head in. We’ve pissed all over them over the annals of time but in their current moment in the sun we are the itch they just can’t scratch.
Maybe that won’t carry over so well in this new change but it would be no bad thing as there’s nothing like a scruffy manc with crap jeans and a jarg trackie top screwing their face up and getting angry at “the scarsurs” for putting his team to bed. Especially when the camera pans five foot to the side and there’s an equally scruffy mate called Baz with a tea towel strapped to his head looking like he's swallowed three garys and just come down off them. The f*cking beauts.
There’s a good reason why Liverpool is more popular to visitors than Manchester, a more potent reason than a beautiful waterfront, the culture or history of the place. No, its the people. You go into a random bar in Manchester and its populated by at least three unfunny c*nts in egg stained tops doing their best to honour the ghost of Bernard Manning but with terrible jokes that only they find funny. Try it next time you’re in Manchester, just walk into any piss-stained pub and speak loud enough in a non-native accent. Its like Derren Brown has played the biggest trick of them all by hypnotising an entire city into telling sh*t jokes and circumnavigating the realm of humour every time they open their three toothed mouth. HEY DID YOU STEAL MY HUBCAPS? HAHAHAHA. CAN YOU SING LIKE THE BEATLES MATE? YOUR ROUND THIS MATE.
You second generation pikey melts shut the [Poor language removed] up. And apologies to the normal decent Mancunian people in the pub, you stay classy.
In a twist of terrible irony their city is represented on the football field by some of the graceful futbalistas around. The current City squad is a fine one indeed and managed by Pellegrini who despite looking a bit Mumford & Grandsons with a shrink wrapped face is one thoroughly ace foreign coach who even smokes like an off duty dinner lady. Credentials aside its not as easy as task as they would have you believe, like playing League Challenge on the Atari with cheat codes, there’s more than buying the best players and letting them do the rest. The modern day top class football player tends to be a tw*t so getting the best out of them is a particular science.
Up front as if they weren’t dangerous enough they’ve just stole in, no really, and swiped that Negredo cat from our clutches who slots casually as you like. Not impressed? Then the Latin oompaloompa heart-throb Aguero can either take his place or accompany him. Or Steven Jovetic? At the very worst Dzeko then? A touch of the brilliant Yaya Toure in midfield, the fantastic David Silva, dreamy eyed Jesus Navas or Samir Nasir. Loads spent on Fernandinho. It’s literally like having Pump, Hexalite, Nike Air and Torsion in your MFI wardrobe 1989 and having to choose every time you leave the house.
Defence may contain former one time defender Joleon Lescott who we thought we’d miss terribly but that arl Frenchman we bought is playing as well as I can remember. Some Balkan kid who I can’t even be arsed spelling his name may play alongside the top class Kompany – whose head is due to hatch one day soon. Full backs are a bit meh and Joe Hart is under scrutiny for having some crap games and not for being a big goofy One Direction wannabe unfortunately. And that’s Citeh – undisputed winners of best result Autumn 1989 against United when they trounced them five nil and Paul Lake wasn’t held together by surgical tape.
[Poor language removed] knows who they will choose, [Poor language removed] knows what formation they will play but one thing is certain that they will be right up for this on the back of two straight defeats so them handsome boys in the royalist of blues best come prepared. Or we could be wearing that yellow Boca Juniors style kit. OLE.
Lukaku is that good that lids are fretting at losing him in May, some feat that. Let’s enjoy him while we can as it will be a long while before we have such a complete centre forward permanently on our books. For the time being were going cause loads of trepidation for opposition defences and that’s the type of Everton that makes your heart go whoah. Again, it won’t shine all season but as Martinez would probably put it, both him and Barkley are in a beautiful moment of form.
Ross ticked off a big [Poor language removed] off point on his bucket list by scoring a goal at Goodison, only a late winner against the sh*te can supersede that on home soil. It will be further proof of his progress in this game against a genuine title contender at their own ground. Mirallas looked sharper and has carried over an understanding with Lukaku from the Belgian team. When he hits form then were cooking, barring the inevitable injuries or outbreak of bubonic plague in our squad just as we get into our stride. Pienaar could make a return for this and if so I’d throw him straight in, Osman by no means had a bad game but Pienaar can play that beautiful togger that could match up well with our options up front now. If were wanting to keep City busy on the wings then Naismith may be preferred.
The real reason Man City won the league was of course Gareth Barry. We also knew it. He’ll sit this one out with a return to the mothership and instead Darron Gibson will start. No bigger compliment to Barry in his short time at our club that many Evertonians will be disappointed by this but I urge those of a short memory to recall the impact Gibson has had on our team. Looking forward to seeing him in there with James McCarthy.
Now McCarthy’s talents have had a bit of an enigma about them. Guarded against Emperors New Clothes biff behaviour like them tools across the park, were very damning of the Joe Allen effect. We had better in Jack Rodwell but were not into players without substance. We want someone who’ll put their foot on the ball and have a tangible contribution to the game. Monday night’s game helped start the process of him becoming sound in our books as he was more than busy, in possession he was a constant option to whoever had the ball and looking to link play effectively up the field – not just sideway passes designed into making that f*cking bell OptaJoe gush about him in a tweet. When the opposition has the ball he’s a constant pest harrying and hastling them without conceding many free kicks. I don’t think he does slideys, maybe he had a bad experience on astro turf at some point? No Adidas Sambas in his household then.
Jagielka and Distin will be preferred in defence and will need to be at their resolute best. We’ve got the best set of full backs we’ve had since we won the league and they will need to shine if were to get anything from it, not just in our own half but in the oppositions such is their attacking threat. How boss was Coleman though on Monday? Tim Howard, like an unloved Bee Gee, will play in goal.
The unbeaten run sounds great but stats can sometimes be deceiving. We put Chelsea away but this is a real first backs against the wall test away from home. We established earlier on that talk of projects and footballing systems and the like doesn’t sit well, it’s just another game.
So were back to that game-by-game basis – the occasionally ace weekend distraction called Everton. All that is needed is not a crushing win for us although that would be just the ticket, but for Everton to turn up and play with that certain verve you associate with a boss EFC going after the opposition.
Do that and, well, who knows?
A really superb first half against Newcastle was tempered by a second half that allowed them back in it but we took the three points and a third consecutive win placed us prettily in fourth place going into October.
The vast majority of us are realistic to understand that the season won’t be that plain sailing and there will be times when this new process of change were undergoing will look a bit naf. There’s never an end destination in football as on the back of top honours a fanbase with misplaced entitlement will be craving the same - but on toast - the following season but I sincerely hope that first half was a glimpse of the place we are striving to be, as it was ace. Or maybe it was just Newcastle being laughably bad and a one half wonder from us that any team in the top division can produce. More probably I’m thinking too hard about things and should enjoy EFC on a game-to-game basis so that’s what we’ll do then.
That next game pits us against the great empire of Manchester City. Not really like, they’re just minted which is the main accelerator to quick success in the modern game. It would be folly of me to suggest they’re sh*te because they have a recent league and FA Cup under their belt but they have just got royally mullered (excuse the pun) by one of the teams in Europe that they think they are competing with.
You see were not going to pretend were competing with City, put us above them in the league in October or even March and we know they can go and blow 100m on a variety of players and put us to it over a 38 game season. But rarely can they do it over a home and away, and wonderfully it really does their head in. We’ve pissed all over them over the annals of time but in their current moment in the sun we are the itch they just can’t scratch.
Maybe that won’t carry over so well in this new change but it would be no bad thing as there’s nothing like a scruffy manc with crap jeans and a jarg trackie top screwing their face up and getting angry at “the scarsurs” for putting his team to bed. Especially when the camera pans five foot to the side and there’s an equally scruffy mate called Baz with a tea towel strapped to his head looking like he's swallowed three garys and just come down off them. The f*cking beauts.
There’s a good reason why Liverpool is more popular to visitors than Manchester, a more potent reason than a beautiful waterfront, the culture or history of the place. No, its the people. You go into a random bar in Manchester and its populated by at least three unfunny c*nts in egg stained tops doing their best to honour the ghost of Bernard Manning but with terrible jokes that only they find funny. Try it next time you’re in Manchester, just walk into any piss-stained pub and speak loud enough in a non-native accent. Its like Derren Brown has played the biggest trick of them all by hypnotising an entire city into telling sh*t jokes and circumnavigating the realm of humour every time they open their three toothed mouth. HEY DID YOU STEAL MY HUBCAPS? HAHAHAHA. CAN YOU SING LIKE THE BEATLES MATE? YOUR ROUND THIS MATE.
You second generation pikey melts shut the [Poor language removed] up. And apologies to the normal decent Mancunian people in the pub, you stay classy.
In a twist of terrible irony their city is represented on the football field by some of the graceful futbalistas around. The current City squad is a fine one indeed and managed by Pellegrini who despite looking a bit Mumford & Grandsons with a shrink wrapped face is one thoroughly ace foreign coach who even smokes like an off duty dinner lady. Credentials aside its not as easy as task as they would have you believe, like playing League Challenge on the Atari with cheat codes, there’s more than buying the best players and letting them do the rest. The modern day top class football player tends to be a tw*t so getting the best out of them is a particular science.
Up front as if they weren’t dangerous enough they’ve just stole in, no really, and swiped that Negredo cat from our clutches who slots casually as you like. Not impressed? Then the Latin oompaloompa heart-throb Aguero can either take his place or accompany him. Or Steven Jovetic? At the very worst Dzeko then? A touch of the brilliant Yaya Toure in midfield, the fantastic David Silva, dreamy eyed Jesus Navas or Samir Nasir. Loads spent on Fernandinho. It’s literally like having Pump, Hexalite, Nike Air and Torsion in your MFI wardrobe 1989 and having to choose every time you leave the house.
Defence may contain former one time defender Joleon Lescott who we thought we’d miss terribly but that arl Frenchman we bought is playing as well as I can remember. Some Balkan kid who I can’t even be arsed spelling his name may play alongside the top class Kompany – whose head is due to hatch one day soon. Full backs are a bit meh and Joe Hart is under scrutiny for having some crap games and not for being a big goofy One Direction wannabe unfortunately. And that’s Citeh – undisputed winners of best result Autumn 1989 against United when they trounced them five nil and Paul Lake wasn’t held together by surgical tape.
[Poor language removed] knows who they will choose, [Poor language removed] knows what formation they will play but one thing is certain that they will be right up for this on the back of two straight defeats so them handsome boys in the royalist of blues best come prepared. Or we could be wearing that yellow Boca Juniors style kit. OLE.
Lukaku is that good that lids are fretting at losing him in May, some feat that. Let’s enjoy him while we can as it will be a long while before we have such a complete centre forward permanently on our books. For the time being were going cause loads of trepidation for opposition defences and that’s the type of Everton that makes your heart go whoah. Again, it won’t shine all season but as Martinez would probably put it, both him and Barkley are in a beautiful moment of form.
Ross ticked off a big [Poor language removed] off point on his bucket list by scoring a goal at Goodison, only a late winner against the sh*te can supersede that on home soil. It will be further proof of his progress in this game against a genuine title contender at their own ground. Mirallas looked sharper and has carried over an understanding with Lukaku from the Belgian team. When he hits form then were cooking, barring the inevitable injuries or outbreak of bubonic plague in our squad just as we get into our stride. Pienaar could make a return for this and if so I’d throw him straight in, Osman by no means had a bad game but Pienaar can play that beautiful togger that could match up well with our options up front now. If were wanting to keep City busy on the wings then Naismith may be preferred.
The real reason Man City won the league was of course Gareth Barry. We also knew it. He’ll sit this one out with a return to the mothership and instead Darron Gibson will start. No bigger compliment to Barry in his short time at our club that many Evertonians will be disappointed by this but I urge those of a short memory to recall the impact Gibson has had on our team. Looking forward to seeing him in there with James McCarthy.
Now McCarthy’s talents have had a bit of an enigma about them. Guarded against Emperors New Clothes biff behaviour like them tools across the park, were very damning of the Joe Allen effect. We had better in Jack Rodwell but were not into players without substance. We want someone who’ll put their foot on the ball and have a tangible contribution to the game. Monday night’s game helped start the process of him becoming sound in our books as he was more than busy, in possession he was a constant option to whoever had the ball and looking to link play effectively up the field – not just sideway passes designed into making that f*cking bell OptaJoe gush about him in a tweet. When the opposition has the ball he’s a constant pest harrying and hastling them without conceding many free kicks. I don’t think he does slideys, maybe he had a bad experience on astro turf at some point? No Adidas Sambas in his household then.
Jagielka and Distin will be preferred in defence and will need to be at their resolute best. We’ve got the best set of full backs we’ve had since we won the league and they will need to shine if were to get anything from it, not just in our own half but in the oppositions such is their attacking threat. How boss was Coleman though on Monday? Tim Howard, like an unloved Bee Gee, will play in goal.
The unbeaten run sounds great but stats can sometimes be deceiving. We put Chelsea away but this is a real first backs against the wall test away from home. We established earlier on that talk of projects and footballing systems and the like doesn’t sit well, it’s just another game.
So were back to that game-by-game basis – the occasionally ace weekend distraction called Everton. All that is needed is not a crushing win for us although that would be just the ticket, but for Everton to turn up and play with that certain verve you associate with a boss EFC going after the opposition.
Do that and, well, who knows?
