It’s a bit exciting isn’t it? Us being in the mix for a decent finish and nonchalantly swatting lower league teams aside at a canter. Breathe it in, take a lungful of it because it’s Everton and when they’re back to doing your head in you can use it as some sort of crap comfort blanket.
Monday’s tie was a bit too easy as we fielded a very strong team. It was satisfying in that it was a massive “sh*t on†to the bad bellends on that BBC live update site masturbating themselves into an excited lather over a perceived “cupsetâ€. The day they get scurvy of the face will not be a day too soon, brogue wearing smelly [Poor language removed].
Swansea next up then will pitch two sides in good form against each other. Back in the heady days of September where on their own patch we pulled their pants down and give them a stern bumming, not unlike a greenhouse scene in Scum. How many of you thought we’d still be lurking around in Champions League bother places at this stage in the season?
Let’s not get too carried away though. Swansea are only seven points behind us and have one foot in a cup final so comparatively they’ve had a good season too. Their confidence will be high going into this so our gloves need to be off and a casually but painful slapping needs to ensue so they get the [Poor language removed] back where they came from in 1975.
There’s a bit of a love in with Swansea at the moment. Mostly it’s because they are deemed to play some nice footie by the media and because they have one of the acest living footballers managing them in Michael Laudrup. There’s also been a love in on the three previous previews I’ve done against them so balance needs to be brought to the fore.
From the green green valleys come God’s great unwashed children with their weird accents, dress sense and rapid interbreeding. But they can sing! Sing so well! So can Adele but she’s a fat mess when she stops singing and you live in Wales when you’re not singing so who’s laughing now?
Now it’s worth highlighting the cultural divide between North and South Wales. For the sake of it I tend to put West Wales in the same bracket as the North Welsh on the basis that they speak the weird language devoid of vowels and that they both despise the English as much. They’re a bit insular and how you’d imagine humans to be if they’d split evolutionary paths and ended up on a different planet two thousand years ago. They’re still us but not really us.
The South Welsh are like the Americans of Wales. They’re loud and brash and so showbiz. A quiet Tuesday night out is likely to turn into tedious shots and your South Welsh drinking partners drinking their own piss at some point before reacting poorly to an innocuous comment in the fast food place and getting into a pointless scrap. Before rounding the night off soundly by knocking up your sister for a gobble.
You can see suddenly why in the age of reality TV they’re flocking (intended) to South Wales eager to put a camera in front of them and get them to interact. It’s got the same viewing intensity and intrigue as stopping your Escort Mark II in Knowsley Safari Park mesmerised by the monkeys wanking and throwing faeces at anyone within a ten metre radius.
It’s also the choice of words. Oi mush I’m tidy you header. You alright but? The ridiculously easy but wonderfully uncomplicated girls and the biggest selection of crap tattoos anywhere in the UK.
Apologies if you’re here for the football chit chat. Let’s get on with it. Swansea have some decent players but if we play at their best and they play at their best we should beat them. Obviously it’s not as easy as that, but let’s look at some of their best players.
Michu sounds like the name of a song artist that you’ll always remember fondly from a boss night out in Ibiza seven years ago where you ended up fingering some girl on a beach under a starry starry sky. He’s also a very decent striker who Swansea picked up in the summer from Spain for two million pounds, or a seventeenth of Andy Carroll. Cashback! He works hard for the team is athletic with a good touch and a difficult lad to mark for ninety minutes. He’s some sort of sex charged Marcus Bent for the modern age. He’s usually preferred up front to Danny Graham who’s like a sh*tty version of Michu all things told. When they’re on the pitch at the same time you’ll see that Graham is not unlike a Remora as he swims alongside Michu acting like he’s all that.
Ki Yeung Su signed from Celtic is a pain in the arse on his day but unfortunately falls into the trap that most Asian males do of having a Lou Ferrigno haircut.
There’s a smattering of Dyers, Routledges and the Wario to Joe Allen’s Mario in Leon Britton. They’ll play pretty footballing triangles all day long if you let them.
Defence is resolute but not all that. They’ve got Game Of Thrones extra Chico Flores who’s formed a decent partnership with Ashley Williams. Full backs are Rangel, who the media like calling by his first name too as it rhymes, and young local lad Ben Davies who’s done well. Michael Vorm keeps goal for them.
Were going good guns with four wins out of a five so there’ll be minimal changes.
Jelavic got a goal early enough in the cup but it didn’t kick start him for the rest of the game as he was a bit meh. This season isn’t turning out so good for him but he’s still a viable goal threat even in his not so good haze. Anichebe has been winning some hearts and minds recently and could start again. Key to beating Swansea is keeping pressure high on their back line so it may help to have two orthodox strikers on the field for this.
Pienaar should return on the left replacing Oviedo who looked full of energy but didn’t really have the best of games. Hopefully it's not Naismith on the right, it's all a bit putting Osman there. They're best in the middle play them there or not at all. Mirallas is edging towards fitness allegedly but won't be back for this game. Can't wait until he is like.
We could see Osman, who's been brilliant recently, and Fellaini paired together in the middle for this. If not then it's Neville as Coleman is back to fitness. We played Osman and Fellaini there second half and I wouldn't mind seeing it as it could work in the absence of a Darron Gibson midfield.
It's a bonus having Coleman back as he's the only right back we have who offers anything going forward. Not much is going to get past Hibbert but their left winger is going to play twenty yards further forward as opposed to if he had the Irishman on the pitch. Baines had everyone in a fluster by two gigantic bags of ice on his feet towards the end of the cup game but will be fit to start. Jagielka and Distin at centre back along with Howard in goal and for everything that is holy in this world we must be long overdue a clean sheet by now? Surely?
So its firmly the second half of season and we've done well but you can't help but feel we haven't properly gone through the gears yet. For instance no one has been given a complete and utter tonking from us yet. There's time and I doubt it will be this game as Swansea offer a very decent opposition to overcome. The main thing will be getting three points and keeping this thing ticking over.
We're going into a period with some winnable games and where those around us are finding form. There can't be the customary missed chances, we could be onto something here.
Monday’s tie was a bit too easy as we fielded a very strong team. It was satisfying in that it was a massive “sh*t on†to the bad bellends on that BBC live update site masturbating themselves into an excited lather over a perceived “cupsetâ€. The day they get scurvy of the face will not be a day too soon, brogue wearing smelly [Poor language removed].
Swansea next up then will pitch two sides in good form against each other. Back in the heady days of September where on their own patch we pulled their pants down and give them a stern bumming, not unlike a greenhouse scene in Scum. How many of you thought we’d still be lurking around in Champions League bother places at this stage in the season?
Let’s not get too carried away though. Swansea are only seven points behind us and have one foot in a cup final so comparatively they’ve had a good season too. Their confidence will be high going into this so our gloves need to be off and a casually but painful slapping needs to ensue so they get the [Poor language removed] back where they came from in 1975.
There’s a bit of a love in with Swansea at the moment. Mostly it’s because they are deemed to play some nice footie by the media and because they have one of the acest living footballers managing them in Michael Laudrup. There’s also been a love in on the three previous previews I’ve done against them so balance needs to be brought to the fore.
From the green green valleys come God’s great unwashed children with their weird accents, dress sense and rapid interbreeding. But they can sing! Sing so well! So can Adele but she’s a fat mess when she stops singing and you live in Wales when you’re not singing so who’s laughing now?
Now it’s worth highlighting the cultural divide between North and South Wales. For the sake of it I tend to put West Wales in the same bracket as the North Welsh on the basis that they speak the weird language devoid of vowels and that they both despise the English as much. They’re a bit insular and how you’d imagine humans to be if they’d split evolutionary paths and ended up on a different planet two thousand years ago. They’re still us but not really us.
The South Welsh are like the Americans of Wales. They’re loud and brash and so showbiz. A quiet Tuesday night out is likely to turn into tedious shots and your South Welsh drinking partners drinking their own piss at some point before reacting poorly to an innocuous comment in the fast food place and getting into a pointless scrap. Before rounding the night off soundly by knocking up your sister for a gobble.
You can see suddenly why in the age of reality TV they’re flocking (intended) to South Wales eager to put a camera in front of them and get them to interact. It’s got the same viewing intensity and intrigue as stopping your Escort Mark II in Knowsley Safari Park mesmerised by the monkeys wanking and throwing faeces at anyone within a ten metre radius.
It’s also the choice of words. Oi mush I’m tidy you header. You alright but? The ridiculously easy but wonderfully uncomplicated girls and the biggest selection of crap tattoos anywhere in the UK.
Apologies if you’re here for the football chit chat. Let’s get on with it. Swansea have some decent players but if we play at their best and they play at their best we should beat them. Obviously it’s not as easy as that, but let’s look at some of their best players.
Michu sounds like the name of a song artist that you’ll always remember fondly from a boss night out in Ibiza seven years ago where you ended up fingering some girl on a beach under a starry starry sky. He’s also a very decent striker who Swansea picked up in the summer from Spain for two million pounds, or a seventeenth of Andy Carroll. Cashback! He works hard for the team is athletic with a good touch and a difficult lad to mark for ninety minutes. He’s some sort of sex charged Marcus Bent for the modern age. He’s usually preferred up front to Danny Graham who’s like a sh*tty version of Michu all things told. When they’re on the pitch at the same time you’ll see that Graham is not unlike a Remora as he swims alongside Michu acting like he’s all that.
Ki Yeung Su signed from Celtic is a pain in the arse on his day but unfortunately falls into the trap that most Asian males do of having a Lou Ferrigno haircut.
There’s a smattering of Dyers, Routledges and the Wario to Joe Allen’s Mario in Leon Britton. They’ll play pretty footballing triangles all day long if you let them.
Defence is resolute but not all that. They’ve got Game Of Thrones extra Chico Flores who’s formed a decent partnership with Ashley Williams. Full backs are Rangel, who the media like calling by his first name too as it rhymes, and young local lad Ben Davies who’s done well. Michael Vorm keeps goal for them.
Were going good guns with four wins out of a five so there’ll be minimal changes.
Jelavic got a goal early enough in the cup but it didn’t kick start him for the rest of the game as he was a bit meh. This season isn’t turning out so good for him but he’s still a viable goal threat even in his not so good haze. Anichebe has been winning some hearts and minds recently and could start again. Key to beating Swansea is keeping pressure high on their back line so it may help to have two orthodox strikers on the field for this.
Pienaar should return on the left replacing Oviedo who looked full of energy but didn’t really have the best of games. Hopefully it's not Naismith on the right, it's all a bit putting Osman there. They're best in the middle play them there or not at all. Mirallas is edging towards fitness allegedly but won't be back for this game. Can't wait until he is like.
We could see Osman, who's been brilliant recently, and Fellaini paired together in the middle for this. If not then it's Neville as Coleman is back to fitness. We played Osman and Fellaini there second half and I wouldn't mind seeing it as it could work in the absence of a Darron Gibson midfield.
It's a bonus having Coleman back as he's the only right back we have who offers anything going forward. Not much is going to get past Hibbert but their left winger is going to play twenty yards further forward as opposed to if he had the Irishman on the pitch. Baines had everyone in a fluster by two gigantic bags of ice on his feet towards the end of the cup game but will be fit to start. Jagielka and Distin at centre back along with Howard in goal and for everything that is holy in this world we must be long overdue a clean sheet by now? Surely?
So its firmly the second half of season and we've done well but you can't help but feel we haven't properly gone through the gears yet. For instance no one has been given a complete and utter tonking from us yet. There's time and I doubt it will be this game as Swansea offer a very decent opposition to overcome. The main thing will be getting three points and keeping this thing ticking over.
We're going into a period with some winnable games and where those around us are finding form. There can't be the customary missed chances, we could be onto something here.
