Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[EFCPaul]

How long have you worked there mate? When you say you're not in any circles because that's not who you are as a person, do you mean you don't feel you have anything in common with them?

I sounds like you put a lot of pressure on yourself to make friends with them. How is your social life outside of work?

Been there about 7 months. When I say I'm not in any circles I mean I'm not one who would purposely leave someone else out of something when I see them on their own whilst I'm part of a group, I would not close rank on someone like that unless I had a reason to seriously dislike them.

If me and a gang of my mates were sat shooting the breeze together and I saw a relatively new guy on his own I would make an effort to include him, to integrate him into the conversation and not make him feel like he's not wanted. If it was rebuffed then fair enough, some people are natural loners and prefer it that way. I don't feel like I am though and I certainly don't mean to give off that impression but perhaps I unknowingly do. Fact is though I have never once felt welcomed and a series of small incidents has only backed up that belief (the night out incident most notably).

My social outside of work is not great admittedly. I have one close friend, someone I speak too every day and make plans with often (and also the one who came to help me during my breakdown last week). I have handful other friends who I talk too and go out with but we don't talk everyday, sometimes not for weeks, we're a bit on and off. It means I often feel bored during the evenings so I've started going the gym a lot more. If my social life was better then obviously I wouldn't let something like this bother me so much but I admit it isn't and I don't know any way to make it better in the immediate future. You can't seek out friendships you just have to wait for them to come along really.

I would agree I put pressure on myself to try and be liked but doesn't everyone? My last job was such a nightmare I went into this one determined to make a good impression from the start. I feel like I wasn't met halfway though and it's really P'd me off, sometimes I let it bubble to the surface of my mind like I have today. I find myself thinking "look at that lot acting like a gang of kids at the back of the bus, as if they're too cool for everyone else". My paranoia has gotten so bad it's becoming unbearable, I actually convince myself they're talking about me a lot of the time during their sit offs.

I've been back on 10mg Citalopram for about a week, it probably hasn't kicked in yet. I hope it does, I've had enough of these feelings.

 

[Billy Dean]

Been there about 7 months. When I say I'm not in any circles I mean I'm not one who would purposely leave someone else out of something when I see them on their own whilst I'm part of a group, I would not close rank on someone like that unless I had a reason to seriously dislike them.

If me and a gang of my mates were sat shooting the breeze together and I saw a relatively new guy on his own I would make an effort to include him, to integrate him into the conversation and not make him feel like he's not wanted. If it was rebuffed then fair enough, some people are natural loners and prefer it that way. I don't feel like I am though and I certainly don't mean to give off that impression but perhaps I unknowingly do. Fact is though I have never once felt welcomed and a series of small incidents has only backed up that belief (the night out incident most notably).

My social outside of work is not great admittedly. I have one close friend, someone I speak too every day and make plans with often (and also the one who came to help me during my breakdown last week). I have handful other friends who I talk too and go out with but we don't talk everyday, sometimes not for weeks, we're a bit on and off. It means I often feel bored during the evenings so I've started going the gym a lot more. If my social life was better then obviously I wouldn't let something like this bother me so much but I admit it isn't and I don't know any way to make it better in the immediate future. You can't seek out friendships you just have to wait for them to come along really.

I would agree I put pressure on myself to try and be liked but doesn't everyone? My last job was such a nightmare I went into this one determined to make a good impression from the start. I feel like I wasn't met halfway though and it's really P'd me off, sometimes I let it bubble to the surface of my mind like I have today. I find myself thinking "look at that lot acting like a gang of kids at the back of the bus, as if they're too cool for everyone else". My paranoia has gotten so bad it's becoming unbearable, I actually convince myself they're talking about me a lot of the time during their sit offs.

I've been back on 10mg Citalopram for about a week, it probably hasn't kicked in yet. I hope it does, I've had enough of these feelings.

Yeah it deffo sounds very unfriendly on their part. Workplaces do evolve though over time, friendships shift, people leave and newbies come in which can change dynamics etc. So things could improve in time.

You can't seek out friendships but you can put yourself in places where they might evolve I guess. Clubs etc that match your interests. Gym classes and what have you.

 

[YMJ]

Nah mate, I'm gay.

Hopefully one day someone will come into my life that will change everything for me.

Thanks for the kind words everyone. I realise it isn't the easiest of things to try advise on when you can't relate to it, but it's just nice to know that others supporters of the club I love are there if needs be.

I hope this comes out the way it is intended.........the future can be bright.

Hello mate, im gay too. I am in my mid 40s have been with my partner now for about 14 years and we have a great life together.

I don't remember the last time I was in a gay bar but it was many years ago. Generally you're right, gay bars are full of men on the pull and many of them are quite predatory, looking for the latest new guy and moving on. In this respect its a lot like straight bars/clubs. However the world is a totally different place now and there are a lot of gay men who will almost never in their lifetime set foot in one. It has no place in their life. You may well be one of those people.

For years my mum was worried about what my life would be like, worrying that I would grow old alone etc. Possibly some of the worries you have about your own future. But being gay doesn't mean a life sentence to being alone or different or an outsider. I have two siblings both of whom are now in their 50s, straight, divorced and single. My mum would be much more worried about their futures now then she would be about mine if she was still here. Luckily she was around long enough to attend my civil partnership and see me settled for life.

There are many gay groups around such as football teams, rugby clubs, swimming clubs (there are probably non sport ones too, but hey.....I'm into sport) all of which are about meeting in a social setting, usually without alcohol, and about a shared interest and not sex. A friend of a friend in Liverpool used to play with the footy team up there and he had a great social life with them. I think it may help you if you got to meet other gay people in that way, without feeling you are under pressure or have to be defensive or wary.

If you want to chat about anything then feel free to contact me, always happy to help.

 

[Blue Cheese]

Such a shame that there has to be 'gay football clubs' or 'gay rugby clubs etc' why can't people just be accepted.

 

[Groucho]

Such a shame that there has to be 'gay football clubs' or 'gay rugby clubs etc' why can't people just be accepted.

Well quite

 

[GwladysBlue]

I hope this comes out the way it is intended.........the future can be bright.

Hello mate, im gay too. I am in my mid 40s have been with my partner now for about 14 years and we have a great life together.

I don't remember the last time I was in a gay bar but it was many years ago. Generally you're right, gay bars are full of men on the pull and many of them are quite predatory, looking for the latest new guy and moving on. In this respect its a lot like straight bars/clubs. However the world is a totally different place now and there are a lot of gay men who will almost never in their lifetime set foot in one. It has no place in their life. You may well be one of those people.

For years my mum was worried about what my life would be like, worrying that I would grow old alone etc. Possibly some of the worries you have about your own future. But being gay doesn't mean a life sentence to being alone or different or an outsider. I have two siblings both of whom are now in their 50s, straight, divorced and single. My mum would be much more worried about their futures now then she would be about mine if she was still here. Luckily she was around long enough to attend my civil partnership and see me settled for life.

There are many gay groups around such as football teams, rugby clubs, swimming clubs (there are probably non sport ones too, but hey.....I'm into sport) all of which are about meeting in a social setting, usually without alcohol, and about a shared interest and not sex. A friend of a friend in Liverpool used to play with the footy team up there and he had a great social life with them. I think it may help you if you got to meet other gay people in that way, without feeling you are under pressure or have to be defensive or wary.

If you want to chat about anything then feel free to contact me, always happy to help.

Thanks mate.

Great that it has worked out so well for you

I think me and my best mate could have had a great life together. We did everything together and there was no one I felt more comfortable around.

It was eventually sleeping with each other that has destroyed everything.

He won't accept it, though. Even after the first time it happened he said he wasn't.

I've already said in this thread he's going off on holidays with his girlfriend now, and it's left me alone thinking 'what does she have that I don't?'. He blatantly doesn't swing that way, so why force it?

The only time I ever see other gays is if I go into gay bars, which always seem really seedy to me. As you say though, the same things goes on in straight bars.

Perhaps I do need to meet gay people that isn't in that type of environment.
There are obviously some great people who are gay.

I always feel under threat in there and if I'm rotten drunk and can't remember anything my anxiety goes through the roof incase I've been taken advantage of.

Obviously something so drastic I would never forget, but they're the types of horrible scenarios that go through my head.

 

[GwladysBlue]

Such a shame that there has to be 'gay football clubs' or 'gay rugby clubs etc' why can't people just be accepted.

I really do hope gay footballers in Europe's top leagues start coming out.

Not that anyone should have to 'come out' - it isn't anyone's business

For gays like myself though, who aren't effeminate at all and love sports, etc it would just give us some good role models.

Funny enough, only Sunday in Goodison a man sat two rows behind me kept calling Sterling a 'faggot' over and over again.

 

[Blue Cheese]

I really do hope gay footballers in Europe's top leagues start coming out.

Not that anyone should have to 'come out' - it isn't anyone's business

For gays like myself though, who aren't effeminate at all and love sports, etc it would just give us some good role models.

Funny enough, only Sunday in Goodison a man sat two rows behind me kept calling Sterling a 'faggot' over and over again.

Correct no-ones business but yours. I guess some people are either scared or living in the dark ages mate, that guy is just an ignorant bigot, you get them, I'd like to think a majority of people in this day and age would treat gay as normal because it is normal if that's how you feel.(hope that came across correctly not patronising)

 

[COYBL25]

I really do hope gay footballers in Europe's top leagues start coming out.

Not that anyone should have to 'come out' - it isn't anyone's business

For gays like myself though, who aren't effeminate at all and love sports, etc it would just give us some good role models.

Funny enough, only Sunday in Goodison a man sat two rows behind me kept calling Sterling a 'faggot' over and over again.

I've heard similar and as much as you want to tell a steward or have a word, you're fearful of kicking something off. Which then leaves you feeling crap all game, as you know you should've done something about it.

 

[GwladysBlue]

I've heard similar and as much as you want to tell a steward or have a word, you're fearful of kicking something off. Which then leaves you feeling crap all game, as you know you should've done something about it.

I don't even get offended, tbh.

Idiots will be idiots.

If people were to have banter about being gay, that's a different thing. Humour is a way of acceptance sometimes.

It's if there is a real hate intent behind it, then it becomes another issue.

I've grew up going to the match, been going for 20 years now. As a young impressionable kid, when you're hearing derogatory comments about gays and you know yourself that you're gay, it can have a lasting effect.

 

[YMJ]

Such a shame that there has to be 'gay football clubs' or 'gay rugby clubs etc' why can't people just be accepted.

Tbh I'm not sure we do need them anymore. Most of them will have players who aren't gay and most of the teams play in local leagues I think. It is just a way to meet people with a similar interest who also happen to be gay and provides a different community rather than the bar scene.

 

[YMJ]

Have you thought about getting in touch with rainbow toffees? They are an affiliated supporters group. Don't know if they have social meets or meet up before the game or anything but it may be a way of meeting some new people who you are guaranteed you have a shared interest with- you never know you may even find some of them are already on here.

There is a link through the official website

 

[COYBL25]

Have you thought about getting in touch with rainbow toffees? They are an affiliated supporters group. Don't know if they have social meets or meet up before the game or anything but it may be a way of meeting some new people who you are guaranteed you have a shared interest with- you never know you may even find some of them are already on here.

There is a link through the official website

You're doing some great work on here mate

 

[DualityNSNO]

I've had the best month or so of my life, luck in nearly every aspect...

Then I was out of town and two days ago my dog suffered liver/intestinal failure, he's been in pain since, we have to put him down this weekend... He turns 7 in 11 days.

My heart is in bits, I've just been crying and hugging him all night.

 

[COYBL25]

I've had the best month or so of my life, luck in nearly every aspect...

Then I was out of town and two days ago my dog suffered liver/intestinal failure, he's been in pain since, we have to put him down this weekend... He turns 7 in 11 days.

My heart is in bits, I've just been crying and hugging him all night.

I've been there mate. My old Spaniel had a massive tumour and the vet told me on the Friday that it was the end for her.
He could either put her to sleep there or then or I could have her at home the weekend to say goodbye. I couldn't bring myself to have her put down there and then, so I selfishly took her home for the weekend ( thinking somehow a miracle would happen and she'd get better ).

She was in such pain, I should never have taken her home. It was me being selfish.

I slept on the couch all weekend next to her, helping her drink and cleaning up after her. The last night, she came and put her head on the couch next to mine and just looked at me with such pain in her eyes, but with such love and tenderness too. It was heartbreaking, but she was telling me that it was time. The look she gave me is burnt into my brain.

After she'd been put down I sat in the car with her and cried like a baby.

Like your dog mate, she was my crutch when I was really unwell and I still miss her to bits, even though she's been gone two years and I have a pup now.

No other dog will ever replace her mate and I know from what you've posted over the years how much yours meant to you.

I buried her in the woods, that I used to walk her in, so I can go and see her when I want. This deffo helps, as if I'm thinking about her ( like now, with tears rolling down my cheeks ) I can just go and sit with her.

My heart goes out to you mate x