Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

I'm in a place right now where I associate writing with failure and disappointment and (and I realise this is stupid) my idiot mind won't let me start because it's the first step to hoping, which inevitably leads to getting kicked in the teeth.

In the last 12 months I had a book concept that a lot of people were excited about, so excited in fact that an agent convinced one of his "names" to write the same thing and get it published, another being shopped around and getting no interest (too niche), a potential staff contract with one of my favourite publications being turned down due to cost (a cost I was happy to bear myself out of my wages) and a proposal I was asked to put together for a massive project personally by the MD who then never replied to my e-mails and ducked my phone calls... You can see where my reluctance comes from.
But you’re writing to us right now in a way? Why not try tailor an Everton piece but don’t think of it like an article you’re writing just think of it as thoughts and opinions the same way you write posts to us on the site?
 

Daz1878

Player Valuation: £1.5m
I would pointout here that @GrandOldTeam agreed to let me write some stuff for the main site here and I have totally failed to submit anything. I sit down and there is nothing there. So a thousand apologies for that. Throw it on the failure pile.
I wouldn't be too hard on yourself over this. You're doing another job, which generally speaking leaves little in the tank for writing (even if you liked that other job). No-one likes staring at a blank page (or screen), but once you settle on an idea and can put the time aside to do it, you should be fine. Often it's best to just get something down, no matter the quality - then you can play about with it, rework it, refine it and so on. Rewriting and tinkering with something is much less daunting than the initial stage of getting something down on paper. In the past, people occasionally asked if I needed to be "inspired" to write, but as I've never written fiction it's never been a problem - once I have a subject, it's just a case of coming up with a structure and so on. Like any other job, some days are more productive than others, and there's no need to think of it as anything other than that. Best to not overthink it.
In the last 12 months I had a book concept that a lot of people were excited about, so excited in fact that an agent convinced one of his "names" to write the same thing and get it published, another being shopped around and getting no interest (too niche), a potential staff contract with one of my favourite publications being turned down due to cost (a cost I was happy to bear myself out of my wages) and a proposal I was asked to put together for a massive project personally by the MD who then never replied to my e-mails and ducked my phone calls... You can see where my reluctance comes from.
It sounds like you have progressed further than many will, so I would definitely keep going (easier for someone else to say, I know). As you know, the market is very different these days (when I started out it was all print media), so there's less space for traditional publishing, even if there are more ways to get your work out there. The concept stage is often a tricky one, as far as I'm concerned, and you've given a great example of what my biggest concern is: take a good idea to someone which they politely decline, only for them to take on the project themselves or assign it to someone else. But it's a tough one... if you have a great idea, you can't just sit on it, but airing it leaves it open to others seizing on it. But I do think - just from reading your posts - that you definitely shouldn't abandon the writing. There are times when people should just hang it up and move on, but this doesn't sound like your situation.
 

EFCPaul

Player Valuation: £35m
Meh, just got fired (well suspended but the confirmation will come through tomorrow).

It's not the best feeling but I am going to survive. Would rather not going deep into deep detail about how it's come about but they've given me a some "official" reasons, but it's definitely because I'm just not the manager's cup of tea, that's been evident for a while. I have, if anyone's interested, an email I sent her earlier in the week and the email she replied with (will post in a private message to anyone who'd like to read, won't be posting it publicly in the thread). My family laughed their bollocks off about it, my mum is happy I'm out there and my sister wants to beat the manager up haha (bless her hot headed heart).

Disappointing because it was comfortable to a point but I know I'll be glad of it down the line, it simply wasn't clicking. Oh well, the train rolls on.
 
Meh, just got fired (well suspended but the confirmation will come through tomorrow).

It's not the best feeling but I am going to survive. Would rather not going deep into deep detail about how it's come about but they've given me a some "official" reasons, but it's definitely because I'm just not the manager's cup of tea, that's been evident for a while. I have, if anyone's interested, an email I sent her earlier in the week and the email she replied with (will post in a private message to anyone who'd like to read, won't be posting it publicly in the thread). My family laughed their bollocks off about it, my mum is happy I'm out there and my sister wants to beat the manager up haha (bless her hot headed heart).

Disappointing because it was comfortable to a point but I know I'll be glad of it down the line, it simply wasn't clicking. Oh well, the train rolls on.
If there were no actual official reasons for it could you not contest it as unfair dismissal? Can’t just fire you because they don’t like you.
 

EFCPaul

Player Valuation: £35m
If there were no actual official reasons for it could you not contest it as unfair dismissal? Can’t just fire you because they don’t like you.
They've given me the official reasons mate, they're legit on paper but a load of me arse really. It's not worth fighting them over, they can stick it. If you want to see what type of person I was dealing with I will send you the in-house emails in a PM. You can make up your own mind based on that. XD
 

COYBL25

Official GOT Joey Speak Interpreter.
Meh, just got fired (well suspended but the confirmation will come through tomorrow).

It's not the best feeling but I am going to survive. Would rather not going deep into deep detail about how it's come about but they've given me a some "official" reasons, but it's definitely because I'm just not the manager's cup of tea, that's been evident for a while. I have, if anyone's interested, an email I sent her earlier in the week and the email she replied with (will post in a private message to anyone who'd like to read, won't be posting it publicly in the thread). My family laughed their bollocks off about it, my mum is happy I'm out there and my sister wants to beat the manager up haha (bless her hot headed heart).

Disappointing because it was comfortable to a point but I know I'll be glad of it down the line, it simply wasn't clicking. Oh well, the train rolls on.
By the sounds of it, you haven’t been happy there for a while ?

Hopefully they won’t be malicious and will provide a reference if needed in the future.

Take some time off and reset mate;)
 

They've given me the official reasons mate, they're legit on paper but a load of me arse really. It's not worth fighting them over, they can stick it. If you want to see what type of person I was dealing with I will send you the in-house emails in a PM. You can make up your own mind based on that. XD
Ah well if there were official reasons that’s fair enough. Just have to hope the next job you feel like a better fit with the people around you. Seem to remember a similar feeling/issue you had with the job before this one?
 

collymcd

Player Valuation: £10m
I'm in a place right now where I associate writing with failure and disappointment and (and I realise this is stupid) my idiot mind won't let me start because it's the first step to hoping, which inevitably leads to getting kicked in the teeth.

In the last 12 months I had a book concept that a lot of people were excited about, so excited in fact that an agent convinced one of his "names" to write the same thing and get it published, another being shopped around and getting no interest (too niche), a potential staff contract with one of my favourite publications being turned down due to cost (a cost I was happy to bear myself out of my wages) and a proposal I was asked to put together for a massive project personally by the MD who then never replied to my e-mails and ducked my phone calls... You can see where my reluctance comes from.
This is something I know all too well. I've been so afraid to fail in certain moments of my life that I produced nothing but failure. I still do. At least it's by my own hand, eh?

Where does the horror around failure come from? Obviously you've had a [Poor language removed] year, but does it go further than that? I think if you start shovelling through that you'll at least start moving.
 

Disgruntledgoat

Player Valuation: £50m
This is something I know all too well. I've been so afraid to fail in certain moments of my life that I produced nothing but failure. I still do. At least it's by my own hand, eh?

Where does the horror around failure come from? Obviously you've had a [Poor language removed] year, but does it go further than that? I think if you start shovelling through that you'll at least start moving.
Honestly, its just the toll that investing so much of yourself into something that goes nowhere takes... when you know you're doing good work and pushing yourself hard to produce it and (contrary to all that positive thinking nonsense) you got nothing back. Or, even worse, you get a little peek behind the door and get it slammed in your face.

Just realised, a year ago today I had a day cycling and an exclusive with Bradley Wiggins. Then we got pissed. Then I wrote it up for the Guardian, for money.

Today I got up at 6, went to the office and cried in the shower.
 
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EFCPaul

Player Valuation: £35m
Could cry as I write this.

Today is obviously another set back but I am determined to be stronger because of it. It's led to a lot of self-reflection and feelings of self-doubt. Why is it I keep having issues in jobs that I cant get past, why do I let them bother me to the point where it only serves as self-sabotage? That's 4 places now in about 4 and a half years where I've not stayed for a longish period. It has to be an issue I have, I'm not always the victim.

After a few hours thinking and a hot meal I've reached a conclusion. Yes, there have been times I've definitely not helped myself. Ive had to learn harsh lessons and paid a price for naivety, stubbornness and some outright stupidity. But, despite all of that, I still believe I am a good guy who is just experiencing life's realities and gaining knowledge I can use in the future. My journey is very much still on the road, these bumps are just the necessary challenges one must overcome to get too where I want to get too.

A few months ago a gent called John Haynes of International Coaching Academy (anyone know him?)came in to talk to us, he comes in occasionally to talk to the chief exec but I'd never met him. We spent a few minutes talking privately away from everyone, and he admired my framed motivational message on my desk. As we finished talking, do you know what he said to me?

"I think you've got a very bright future young man. Something very good is going to come along for you."

Meant the world to me that, and it still means the world to me now. An older man with many years of wisdom and decades worth of experience in helping people to improve themselves (see his book Flying with Eagles) saying he sees something special in me, 10 minutes before he didnt know me from Adam.

I am going to prove him right!
 

Grinch

USA Ambassador to GoT
Could cry as I write this.

Today is obviously another set back but I am determined to be stronger because of it. It's led to a lot of self-reflection and feelings of self-doubt. Why is it I keep having issues in jobs that I cant get past, why do I let them bother me to the point where it only serves as self-sabotage? That's 4 places now in about 4 and a half years where I've not stayed for a longish period. It has to be an issue I have, I'm not always the victim.

After a few hours thinking and a hot meal I've reached a conclusion. Yes, there have been times I've definitely not helped myself. Ive had to learn harsh lessons and paid a price for naivety, stubbornness and some outright stupidity. But, despite all of that, I still believe I am a good guy who is just experiencing life's realities and gaining knowledge I can use in the future. My journey is very much still on the road, these bumps are just the necessary challenges one must overcome to get too where I want to get too.

A few months ago a gent called John Haynes of International Coaching Academy (anyone know him?)came in to talk to us, he comes in occasionally to talk to the chief exec but I'd never met him. We spent a few minutes talking privately away from everyone, and he admired my framed motivational message on my desk. As we finished talking, do you know what he said to me?

"I think you've got a very bright future young man. Something very good is going to come along for you."

Meant the world to me that, and it still means the world to me now. An older man with many years of wisdom and decades worth of experience in helping people to improve themselves (see his book Flying with Eagles) saying he sees something special in me, 10 minutes before he didnt know me from Adam.

I am going to prove him right!
I love the attitude at the end! I will keep you in my prayers. I know many mates of mine that fly through jobs and once they find the right place... they just know :) Im rooting for you Paul. Go kick some booty out there and keep the eyes on the prize!
 

Catfish Blues

Player Valuation: £10m
Today I got up at 6, went to the office and cried in the shower.
This is just an idea, chuck it in the bin if you think it's a daft one ....

Maybe set yourself a target on writing something for GOT mate, make it an achievable one, but try not to find reasons to avoid doing it ?

You're good with words, much better than me and the vast majority on here, but, at this moment in time, you likely won't believe that.

Pick a subject, Ancelotti, Stadium, Moshiri, Mental health and football, Niasse's jockstrap, it doesn't really matter, and set out not to write an article, but to type out what you've been thinking about it. Stick your thoughts down on ( virtual ) paper, run it by a couple of people and then send it off to Danny.
 

Woolverhampton_Blue

Player Valuation: £20m
@Woolverhampton_Blue - how're you getting on mate ?
Spent this evening with my house mate and we had a bit of a laugh which I really needed. Worried with the weekend coming up because I get paid tomorrow and obviously with the booze situation it’s all a bit of a loaded gun.

Trying to make plans to keep busy so It takes my mind of things and I’m not tempted to drink.
 

Charro

Player Valuation: £6m
Could cry as I write this.

Today is obviously another set back but I am determined to be stronger because of it. It's led to a lot of self-reflection and feelings of self-doubt. Why is it I keep having issues in jobs that I cant get past, why do I let them bother me to the point where it only serves as self-sabotage? That's 4 places now in about 4 and a half years where I've not stayed for a longish period. It has to be an issue I have, I'm not always the victim.

After a few hours thinking and a hot meal I've reached a conclusion. Yes, there have been times I've definitely not helped myself. Ive had to learn harsh lessons and paid a price for naivety, stubbornness and some outright stupidity. But, despite all of that, I still believe I am a good guy who is just experiencing life's realities and gaining knowledge I can use in the future. My journey is very much still on the road, these bumps are just the necessary challenges one must overcome to get too where I want to get too.

A few months ago a gent called John Haynes of International Coaching Academy (anyone know him?)came in to talk to us, he comes in occasionally to talk to the chief exec but I'd never met him. We spent a few minutes talking privately away from everyone, and he admired my framed motivational message on my desk. As we finished talking, do you know what he said to me?

"I think you've got a very bright future young man. Something very good is going to come along for you."

Meant the world to me that, and it still means the world to me now. An older man with many years of wisdom and decades worth of experience in helping people to improve themselves (see his book Flying with Eagles) saying he sees something special in me, 10 minutes before he didnt know me from Adam.

I am going to prove him right!
You’re not suited to the nine to five working life mate. Plenty of people like you. I’m like it myself, but always find a way to just stay afloat.

So much more out there for you. Take some time and have a think about what you really want to do and what you want out of life.

Losing a job can quite often be the best thing to happen to people. Gives someone a chance to reflect and gain a perspective they’re not searching for when they’re in a settled job.
 

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