Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

EFCPaul

Player Valuation: £35m
Started feeling restless and bored the past few weeks, can feel a rut coming on.

I really would like to do another evening course or something like that, just I'm not having much luck finding one that interests me. The course I previously did finished in December and the next level, the next chance to do that won't be until September. Definitely need something before then.

Does anyone know of any courses/clubs/volunteer work, preferably something in the evenings?
 

the golden visionary

Player Valuation: £6m
Ive just sat there writing out a 15 minute rant, on here.
By the time i reached the end i read it back and didnt need to post it because it was gone. Which reminded me of a chapter in Jordan Petersens book, this is the jist of it.

Sometimes writing down what bothered you actually acts as a conversation, but its between you and the paper/post or whatever.

Not all conversations are 2 way somerimes its just 1 person ranting and one sitting there listening, a conversation is like a map, the person ranting is drawing the map with each passing sentence, they will hit dead ends, but if they carry on long enough they will finish the map and solve whats bothering them.

The trick for the listener is to not respond untill the first person asks them a direct question, theres nothing more annoying than someone answering a hypothetical question. Actually there is, its when the listener gets up an walks out. Which just happened to me, which forced me to write it down, and honestly it worked better for me.

The various help guides to mental health suggests opening up with someone, [Poor language removed] that, get a piece of paper write down all the madness, read it back, laugh if you can, and throw it away. Dont throw it away, keep it, put it in a file. Refer back to it next time it crops up.

Even if its a temporary solution, which lets be honest it usually is, we all know exactly the same bollocks will pop up again, at least it'll be gone for a short while.

So yeah, im having a stressful time at the minute , @EFCPaul this is one of my techniques.

Hopefully ill sleep tonight.
 

Disgruntledgoat

Player Valuation: £50m
Can I ask what were your dream jobs ?
In this situation I think of me but with women .I picked the same sort ,same build same age compared to me ,funnily enough one or no parents and then I went to Spain and met a woman casually at the bar ( I was going touring around Spain alone to practice my Spanish and just wanted a few beers to help me sleep) instead I met a woman that is so different to my previous and have never been happier. So may be those dream jobs were actually ones you were not meant to do .
If I give any advice to people younger than me it is this ,marry your best friend and get a job you are happy with .
Money doesn't matter as much as you might think ,of course you need enough but enough can be a lot less than you think .
E.G. If you get a job nearer home then you will save on travel ,expense and time and seeing as the one you have now just makes you miserable think about it .
Of course me sitting here makes it look so easy and I know it isn't but just try a new approach.

Sorry, for delayed reply.

Dream jobs... I tried to be a sportsman, but failed at that (which was no biggie, when I look back I'm really glad I fell short there), then I wanted to be an army officer but failed the selection, ended up in the same office jobs I'm in now. I was lucky enough to have a book published back in 2016 but my then wife had me go back to the office... I started writing full time last year but low piece rates made it a real grind I had 3 projects I was working on and just needed one to come off and I'd have been writing for a living for at least another year but none did so I'm back where I started.

I just can't face the idea of sitting in an office replying to e-mails, going to meetings and watching the clock for another 30 years. But I have no clue what else there is. I live in Belgium and once every five years you can undertake a subsidized course of career counselling. I did that but the outcome was pretty much "Just look for a job with these words in the title" tried that and, tbh, they all look like I'll be exactly as miserable as I am now. I woke up at 0300hrs this morning and just lay in bed, wide awake, for 3 hours thinking "I have to go back to that place". So now I'm feeling like crap physically as well.

The only thing that keeps me coming here is the money. I'm not even mad for money, I just need to pay the bills. Every day I dream about quitting.

I had a think about what you said and the plan I have hatched is to save as much as I can in the next few months, wait until the end of may when I get my holiday pay (it all gets paid in one lump here, so you get a double pay packet in May) and quit. Between now and then I need to either find a way to live on what I enjoy doing or find a way to make a living that leaves enough time and energy for making progress on that

.
 
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brieverton

Player Valuation: £35m
Ive just sat there writing out a 15 minute rant, on here.
By the time i reached the end i read it back and didnt need to post it because it was gone. Which reminded me of a chapter in Jordan Petersens book, this is the jist of it.

Sometimes writing down what bothered you actually acts as a conversation, but its between you and the paper/post or whatever.

Not all conversations are 2 way somerimes its just 1 person ranting and one sitting there listening, a conversation is like a map, the person ranting is drawing the map with each passing sentence, they will hit dead ends, but if they carry on long enough they will finish the map and solve whats bothering them.

The trick for the listener is to not respond untill the first person asks them a direct question, theres nothing more annoying than someone answering a hypothetical question. Actually there is, its when the listener gets up an walks out. Which just happened to me, which forced me to write it down, and honestly it worked better for me.

The various help guides to mental health suggests opening up with someone, [Poor language removed] that, get a piece of paper write down all the madness, read it back, laugh if you can, and throw it away. Dont throw it away, keep it, put it in a file. Refer back to it next time it crops up.

Even if its a temporary solution, which lets be honest it usually is, we all know exactly the same bollocks will pop up again, at least it'll be gone for a short while.

So yeah, im having a stressful time at the minute , @EFCPaul this is one of my techniques.

Hopefully ill sleep tonight.

Writing down things has helped for me too. I have written a few letters of complaint being the grump that I am, that once I finished, I didn't need to send as it was rant over. Although people should follow through if they have recieved poor service.

But on occasion I over-egged the impact of whatever was bothering me. Writing things down can help you get a sense of perspective and helps to sweat the small stuff.

In practical terms, I still think the power of the written word can be far more impactful and effective than the spoken.
 

catcherintherye

Player Valuation: £70m
Writing down things has helped for me too. I have written a few letters of complaint being the grump that I am, that once I finished, I didn't need to send as it was rant over. Although people should follow through if they have recieved poor service.

But on occasion I over-egged the impact of whatever was bothering me. Writing things down can help you get a sense of perspective and helps to sweat the small stuff.

In practical terms, I still think the power of the written word can be far more impactful and effective than the spoken.
Both have a place. However writing everything you want to say down is a really useful tool.

I remember when I was a teacher, and if you saw a child was upset, often getting them to right down why would often really help them. It seemed to help the process of reflexivity. A lot of the time, having written it all down, they'd be quite calm about whatever had upset them and in a position to move forward.

As you say, I don't always think sending letters, or emails that helps it's just that concentrating and detailing issues do.
 

blue1948

Player Valuation: £2.5m
Sorry, for delayed reply.

Dream jobs... I tried to be a sportsman, but failed at that (which was no biggie, when I look back I'm really glad I fell short there), then I wanted to be an army officer but failed the selection, ended up in the same office jobs I'm in now. I was lucky enough to have a book published back in 2016 but my then wife had me go back to the office... I started writing full time last year but low piece rates made it a real grind I had 3 projects I was working on and just needed one to come off and I'd have been writing for a living for at least another year but none did so I'm back where I started.

I just can't face the idea of sitting in an office replying to e-mails, going to meetings and watching the clock for another 30 years. But I have no clue what else there is. I live in Belgium and once every five years you can undertake a subsidized course of career counselling. I did that but the outcome was pretty much "Just look for a job with these words in the title" tried that and, tbh, they all look like I'll be exactly as miserable as I am now. I woke up at 0300hrs this morning and just lay in bed, wide awake, for 3 hours thinking "I have to go back to that place". So now I'm feeling like crap physically as well.

The only thing that keeps me coming here is the money. I'm not even mad for money, I just need to pay the bills. Every day I dream about quitting.

I had a think about what you said and the plan I have hatched is to save as much as I can in the next few months, wait until the end of may when I get my holiday pay (it all gets paid in one lump here, so you get a double pay packet in May) and quit. Between now and then I need to either find a way to live on what I enjoy doing or find a way to make a living that leaves enough time and energy for making progress on that

.
I feel for you but of course I don't know your abilities ( plural) .As I said it is easy sitting here ,I was thinking that if you could think completely outside the box E.G. If you don't like being in an office then be a train driver -I know you might not like it but something you have not previously thought of - try just going through the jobs and pretend you are looking for someone just starting off with no previous experience in anything .
What about a gardener in the summer and write in the winter?
I am sure that there is something out there and it will depend on how much you need to change and what you are prepared to do but clean the slate and start again .My mum wanted me to be an officer in the royal navy and I wanted to be a car mechanic but when I left school we were told to get any job and then if you are not happy change ,I got a job as an apprentice joiner and that was that .
Good luck and remember just because you put up with Everton doesn't mean you do the same with your job .
You said that you will save as much as you can before May ,if you do, try to calculate how much you really do need to manage as it will be handy to know ,I would suggest you could add 10% on top to be safe .
 

ToffeeRapt

Player Valuation: Free Transfer
Started feeling restless and bored the past few weeks, can feel a rut coming on.

I really would like to do another evening course or something like that, just I'm not having much luck finding one that interests me. The course I previously did finished in December and the next level, the next chance to do that won't be until September. Definitely need something before then.

Does anyone know of any courses/clubs/volunteer work, preferably something in the evenings?
Our very own Everton in the Community!
 

EFCPaul

Player Valuation: £35m
Looked into that mate, currently they're not taking applications for volunteers. Maybe at a later date though.
 

Zezti

Player Valuation: £70m
Since graduating uni last September, I've not had any luck with getting a job. Thankfully my parents are really supportive but the days are going by and life is generally feeling increasingly fruitless. I've had depression before, and I don't think I'm feeling like that, but it kinda just feels like numbness rather than feeling down. Having nothing to look forward to and also like because I can't find a job that I'm not supposed to feel good about anything in this situation? I think I'm just frustrated at the lack of progression that I thought I would have after uni and I'm anxious at why it is the way it is.

Maybe Everton can give me something to look forward to but we all know not to pin hopes on that
 

efcforever

Player Valuation: £10m
Since graduating uni last September, I've not had any luck with getting a job. Thankfully my parents are really supportive but the days are going by and life is generally feeling increasingly fruitless. I've had depression before, and I don't think I'm feeling like that, but it kinda just feels like numbness rather than feeling down. Having nothing to look forward to and also like because I can't find a job that I'm not supposed to feel good about anything in this situation? I think I'm just frustrated at the lack of progression that I thought I would have after uni and I'm anxious at why it is the way it is.

Maybe Everton can give me something to look forward to but we all know not to pin hopes on that
I remember when I graduated from University in 2005. It brought me down to Earth with a bang. All those opportunities that I was told would be waiting for me didn't seem to be there and there were thousands of graduates just like me all chasing the same jobs. I ended up jumping into the first job I was offered and it made me miserable for 3 years.

Don't beat yourself up for not having found a job yet. My advice would be to take your time and really think about what sort of career you want. This might involve another course of some kind.

Keep us updated and let us know how you get on.
 

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