Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[RayneWooney]

I hope that when you remember your dad you don't automatically recall the times he was in pain. I'd hate for my memories of my dad to be tarnished by the last few weeks and that I can remember the happier times when he was fit and active and always laughing.

Nobody wants to see their "hero" dad in that way mate but sometimes we have to embrace the facts of life. My grandpa died of Parkinson's disease which turned him into a vegetable in human form. Can't walk, can't talk, can't remember for 10 f...n years. Cancer, on the other hand, is another b..ch. I am so sorry that you have to go through this.

Stay strong, man up as you say, but also consider taking counselling. They are professionals and they can help you and your mental strength more than you'd imagine.

I wish the best for you and your dad.

 

[AmericasToffee]

I hope that when you remember your dad you don't automatically recall the times he was in pain. I'd hate for my memories of my dad to be tarnished by the last few weeks and that I can remember the happier times when he was fit and active and always laughing.

It's a perspective thing, in my opinion. The good memories were simply harder to recall, for the most part, because they were farther back in the past. There are plenty of good memories I have with my dad - golf, him taking off work early to watch me play baseball, etc. It just takes some reflection to make sure those aren't overshadowed by a smaller window in time.

Enjoy every moment you're given when your family.

 

[shackattack]

I'll give it a go, not sure how easy it will be to open up but better than bottling it up until breaking point I guess. I'll be no use to my parents that way.

Just want to say kudos for having this forum section Grandoldteam. I bet you've helped a lot of blues over the years.

talk to someone mate even if it's just to offload. it's not a weakness in any shape or form and sooner we get rid of the stigma of mental health isues and that someone can just man up and get better instantly. good luck mate and this is one of the best forums for helping.

 

[mccole]

Saw this today which is my type of humour and sums up the whole MAN UP culture of yesteryear.

 

[Piscass2006]

Such a good thread, truly are the peoples club.

 

[blue to the bone]

Such a good thread, truly are the peoples club.

The one thread on here that really matters.

 

[zzr45]

I had to do a safeguarding course as part of the coaching that I do the other day and it’s pretty much unsurfaced the amount of abuse I suffered as a kid. I’ll stress at this point that it’s nothing to do with sexual abuse at all, but a lot of physical and emotional abuse at home. Just to put it in a timeframe I’m 31 now.

A lot of it stemmed from dead simple stuff like not doing homework as a teenager. That normally resulted in a pretty good beating and being told that all I was going to be was a dosser, how I’d failed everyone, parents not talking to me or including me at dinner etc rather than the shrug of the shoulders that most other kids would get in the same scenario. Getting detentions was seen as on par with me being sent to a juvenile centre and I’m pretty sure that was used as a ‘that’ll be the next step’ more than once. There were times when my dad actually knocked me clean out as a kid, it was insane.

I have two massive issues with it, one in that it was done under the precedent of ‘caring’ about me, again without noting how it was really affecting me, I had a terrible few years at the end of school where I’d act out a lot to actually cope (as well as pretty much being a carer for my grandad) which caused more issues at home so it was pretty much a horrible loop.

Second is that I really can’t believe that the school never picked up on it. I know one reply to getting a detention was ‘oh cool, another black eye, cheers miss.’ Sure enough I went to school the next day with a black eye, no comment from the school whatsoever.

There were times when I retaliated too when I got to 15, 16 I remember my mum going to slap me one day, catching her hand and lashing out at her, which saw her run away to my dad claiming I was a psycho and totally unable to comprehend that she pushed me to that point. He quite cooly said he could kill me there and then so I wouldn’t be a problem anymore. I dared him too.

I think it has affected me a lot more than I thought it did. I don’t think I ever really wanted to socialise or relate to people that much. Notably things relationship wise got far better when I went to college where the atmosphere was completely different. It was odd.

I’ve spoken about it with my partner before and she’s always noted that my dads always seemed so guilty when talking about my youth and when I’ve been down etc all he’s told her is that I’ve had a difficult life. I think he gets it on reflection.

In terms of relationships now, it’s odd to say that I love my parents. My dad a lot more than my mum, I’ve always put it down to my mum being the main instigator as it were. It took a while to get there. I can talk to my dad, but honestly I struggle with my mum. When I had problems with addiction and general mental health she always brushed it off. In some ways I guess the neglect continued.

I’ve never wanted kids, I don’t think I could stand the possibility of putting someone through what I went through. I still struggle with self destructive behaviour at time.

Without blowing my own horn, I didn’t become the dosser as predicted. I went to uni, got one degree, went again and got a masters, went again and added another masters and a PhD. Not bad for someone that really couldn’t be bothered with Art or Science homework.

I’m not looking for any sympathy, or anything at all. I just wanted to put to paper the thoughts I’d had since last week.

 

[blue to the bone]

Not in a good place at all today.
Mentioned before how a break up of a relationship was the trigger for how I really started to struggle and today found out my ex has now got a new partner..
And I know it's out of my control and its not easy but it still hurts like hell and I just feel terrible now. Self pity is not good I know but sometimes it can't be helped

 

[AmericasToffee]

@zzr45 You turned out well my friend. Think of yourself as worthy, as we all are, instead of the person you were treated as.

 

[AmericasToffee]

Not in a good place at all today.
Mentioned before how a break up of a relationship was the trigger for how I really started to struggle and today found out my ex has now got a new partner..
And I know it's out of my control and its not easy but it still hurts like hell and I just feel terrible now. Self pity is not good I know but sometimes it can't be helped

What part of your ex having a new partner hurts? It is indeed out of your control. It's normal to feel pain when thinking about it since it's pretty fresh. I would just ask that you not let that experience dictate your life going forward. If you live in the past, you miss out on the now.

Trust me.

 

[blue to the bone]

What part of your ex having a new partner hurts? It is indeed out of your control. It's normal to feel pain when thinking about it since it's pretty fresh. I would just ask that you not let that experience dictate your life going forward. If you live in the past, you miss out on the now.

Trust me.

I suppose its finality of things that hurt.
I'll try not to. But it will hurt for a while I guess

 

[AmericasToffee]

I suppose its finality of things that hurt.
I'll try not to. But it will hurt for a while I guess

Emotions and pain leave lasting memories. I just hope you don't let it hold you back from living your life. Lots of other opportunities still out there.

 

[blue to the bone]

Emotions and pain leave lasting memories. I just hope you don't let it hold you back from living your life. Lots of other opportunities still out there.

I won't. But goin to bed now and still feel pretty bad. Sleep will help I guess.
But sometimes it's hard to be positive

 

[DualityNSNO]

Hey, how's everyone?

Just dropping in - last time I said I'm going to therapy and was shitting myself a bit about it - now feel great about doing it.

So in the month and a bit that I've been going weekly, in no order: stayed off the internet quite a lot and did real life stuff, have improved outlook, outgoingness (that's a word, I promise), creativity, enjoyment, shaved, bought new shirts and stuff and go to work proper work-dressed all the time like, applied and got accepted back to uni (chuffed with that, was a "life goal" if you will) and seem to be doing stuff and feeling much more appreciated overall, especially at work. Personal life (relationships and all that) aren't going great, but I'm not even sure I want that right now to be honest, so not too bothered. Going with any kind of flow that happens to happen really.

The feeling of dread/sadness still exists in me every so often like, it's not like I flipped the happy switch all of a sudden, but the prevalence is that of, just, confidence and enjoyment from the things I do, whatever they are, for the most part.

Now I'm not posting this to gloat or to make everyone feel worse about their situation somehow (I know, I've been there, I know what happened to me when I read people getting their lives in some kind of order... plus mine isn't exactly rosey, I just make it for myself) - it's to show that everyone can "snap out of it" through accepting that you need help and getting it.

 

[COYBL25]

I had to do a safeguarding course as part of the coaching that I do the other day and it’s pretty much unsurfaced the amount of abuse I suffered as a kid. I’ll stress at this point that it’s nothing to do with sexual abuse at all, but a lot of physical and emotional abuse at home. Just to put it in a timeframe I’m 31 now.

A lot of it stemmed from dead simple stuff like not doing homework as a teenager. That normally resulted in a pretty good beating and being told that all I was going to be was a dosser, how I’d failed everyone, parents not talking to me or including me at dinner etc rather than the shrug of the shoulders that most other kids would get in the same scenario. Getting detentions was seen as on par with me being sent to a juvenile centre and I’m pretty sure that was used as a ‘that’ll be the next step’ more than once. There were times when my dad actually knocked me clean out as a kid, it was insane.

I have two massive issues with it, one in that it was done under the precedent of ‘caring’ about me, again without noting how it was really affecting me, I had a terrible few years at the end of school where I’d act out a lot to actually cope (as well as pretty much being a carer for my grandad) which caused more issues at home so it was pretty much a horrible loop.

Second is that I really can’t believe that the school never picked up on it. I know one reply to getting a detention was ‘oh cool, another black eye, cheers miss.’ Sure enough I went to school the next day with a black eye, no comment from the school whatsoever.

There were times when I retaliated too when I got to 15, 16 I remember my mum going to slap me one day, catching her hand and lashing out at her, which saw her run away to my dad claiming I was a psycho and totally unable to comprehend that she pushed me to that point. He quite cooly said he could kill me there and then so I wouldn’t be a problem anymore. I dared him too.

I think it has affected me a lot more than I thought it did. I don’t think I ever really wanted to socialise or relate to people that much. Notably things relationship wise got far better when I went to college where the atmosphere was completely different. It was odd.

I’ve spoken about it with my partner before and she’s always noted that my dads always seemed so guilty when talking about my youth and when I’ve been down etc all he’s told her is that I’ve had a difficult life. I think he gets it on reflection.

In terms of relationships now, it’s odd to say that I love my parents. My dad a lot more than my mum, I’ve always put it down to my mum being the main instigator as it were. It took a while to get there. I can talk to my dad, but honestly I struggle with my mum. When I had problems with addiction and general mental health she always brushed it off. In some ways I guess the neglect continued.

I’ve never wanted kids, I don’t think I could stand the possibility of putting someone through what I went through. I still struggle with self destructive behaviour at time.

Without blowing my own horn, I didn’t become the dosser as predicted. I went to uni, got one degree, went again and got a masters, went again and added another masters and a PhD. Not bad for someone that really couldn’t be bothered with Art or Science homework.

I’m not looking for any sympathy, or anything at all. I just wanted to put to paper the thoughts I’d had since last week.

Hi mate.

I`m a bit late to this, have you thought about therapy ?.

The reason I say this, is that one of my mates had a very unhappy marriage and a lot the things that you`ve mentioned applied to the way his wife treated him. Although she never hit him, she constantly made him feel as though he wasn`t good enough for her, his job was beneath her and constantly put him down etc.

This went on for years and she almost crushed him.

Cutting a very long story short, he eventually left her and as part of sorting himself out, he saw a councillor, who helped him see that non of it was his fault. It didn`t half help him get back in his feet again. He had to pay for it himself, but says that it was worth every penny.

Something to think about maybe ?