Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[larrygobfiend]

Tell her that. If there was an underlying reason why you haven't been yourself, just come clean to her.

She must've loved the person you were before you changed over the past few months.

I can't even explain what it is... Ive just become complacent and she says she's bored.

I can't really blame her

She listed a few occasions when she suggested doing something and I shot it down.

I'm an idiot.

 

[Durham Toffee]

Not really. We've been together 8 years and had a really good relationship. We never really argued or anything.

I guess things have changed since Christmas. She's got into her fitness and is away with work quite a bit.

I've thought in my head about her playing away, but she's not that kind of girl at all. But who is, I guess?

We got a mortgage together about a year and a half ago. Maybe I've just gotten a little too comfortable.

I'm a tit!

You're human. I became too complacent too. I lost it all because I didn't address it soon enough. But then, I was also accepting second best at times too and I was chasing shadows with her too. She had left me long before she actually left me.

My case isn't yours and vice versa. But if you think it's worth salvaging then be honest. Tell her the truth. Be up front. Get angry if you need to - within reason.

By the end of my relationship, there weren't any emotions left. We'd simply drifted so far that it was inevitable. Don't do that mate. I don't recommend it at all. It took me 18 months to get over that. It ended two years TODAY.

Big day for me this...

But please don't just accept it. Fight.

Be the person you should be. Or you'll end up as someone you never intended being.

 

[larrygobfiend]

You're human. I became too complacent too. I lost it all because I didn't address it soon enough. But then, I was also accepting second best at times too and I was chasing shadows with her too. She had left me long before she actually left me.

My case isn't yours and vice versa. But if you think it's worth salvaging then be honest. Tell her the truth. Be up front. Get angry if you need to - within reason.

By the end of my relationship, there weren't any emotions left. We'd simply drifted so far that it was inevitable. Don't do that mate. I don't recommend it at all. It took me 18 months to get over that. It ended two years TODAY.

Big day for me this...

But please don't just accept it. Fight.

Be the person you should be. Or you'll end up as someone you never intended being.

Thanks mate. I really appreciate it. I'm a bit of an attention seeking tit on GOT, but in real life I believe I'm a decent person. I read this thread quite often and I've always thought how easy it is for people's lives to be turned upside down in an instant. I guess it's my turn.

I appreciate that a lot of people have been through a hell of a lot worse.

I've tried fighting, I've tried all the old clichéd things like flowers, suggesting going away together etc , but she's just not having it at the moment.

We've been taking it in turns to stay away from the house because she says she needs space cos her head's wrecked. It's hurting like hell.

It's like I just can't get through to her.

 

[Durham Toffee]

Thanks mate. I really appreciate it. I'm a bit of an attention seeking tit on GOT, but in real life I believe I'm a decent person. I read this thread quite often and I've always thought how easy it is for people's lives to be turned upside down in an instant. I guess it's my turn.

I appreciate that a lot of people have been through a hell of a lot worse.

I've tried fighting, I've tried all the old clichéd things like flowers, suggesting going away together etc , but she's just not having it at the moment.

We've been taking it in turns to stay away from the house because she says she needs space cos her head's wrecked. It's hurting like hell.

It's like I just can't get through to her.

I wish I could be more help, mate.

I feel for you, I really do.

I've been there. It hurts. It hurts a lot.

 

[larrygobfiend]

I wish I could be more help, mate.

I feel for you, I really do.

I've been there. It hurts. It hurts a lot.

Just putting it into words helps, mate.

 

[COYBL25]

Not really. We've been together 8 years and had a really good relationship. We never really argued or anything.

I guess things have changed since Christmas. She's got into her fitness and is away with work quite a bit.

I've thought in my head about her playing away, but she's not that kind of girl at all. But who is, I guess?

We got a mortgage together about a year and a half ago. Maybe I've just gotten a little too comfortable.

I'm a tit!

Don't beat yourself up mate, her life has taken a different turn.

Non of us stay the same forever, we're all constantly changing and evolving.

Is she younger than you by any chance ?.

The reason I ask is that from my experience age gaps can cause distance to develop in the end. One still wants to kick the arse out things and one can't be arsed anymore.

Relationships are a two way thing and it takes both of you to drift apart.

As hard as it'll be, you're going to have to sit down and get everything out in the open x

 

[larrygobfiend]

Don't beat yourself up mate, her life has taken a different turn.

Non of us stay the same forever, we're all constantly changing and evolving.

Is she younger than you by any chance ?.

The reason I ask is that from my experience age gaps can cause distance to develop in the end. One still wants to kick the arse out things and one can't be arsed anymore.

Relationships are a two way thing and it takes both of you to drift apart.

As hard as it'll be, you're going to have to sit down and get everything out in the open x

Yes she's 6 years younger, mate. It's always been at the back of my mind that it could catch up with us if I'm being honest.

Everything was great, but I guess things have changed since the new year. I've been a wet blanket.

 

[COYBL25]

Yes she's 6 years younger, mate. It's always been at the back of my mind that it could catch up with us if I'm being honest.

Everything was great, but I guess things have changed since the new year. I've been a wet blanket.

So she still have wants to party and you don't ?

So what, it's healthy to have different things going on. If you're in each other's pocket, things get boring pretty quickly.

Find something to do regularly that you both enjoy and take it from there ?

 

[larrygobfiend]

So she still have wants to party and you don't ?

So what, it's healthy to have different things going on. If you're in each other's pocket, things get boring pretty quickly.

Find something to do regularly that you both enjoy and take it from there ?

That's the thing, I do like going out with her and her/our mates, but the past few months I've not really stepped up to the plate.

A good example is she's going to Glastonbury, but I jibbed it because the thought of 5 days of hanging out of my arse again really didn't appeal to me. Maybe that is an age thing. I'm 34 and she's 28.

The problem now is she just doesn't seem want to give us a chance even though this is our first proper big issue in 8 years

 

[COYBL25]

That's the thing, I do like going out with her and her/our mates, but the past few months I've not really stepped up to the plate.

A good example is she's going to Glastonbury, but I jibbed it because the thought of 5 days of hanging out of my arse again really didn't appeal to me. Maybe that is an age thing. I'm 34 and she's 28.

The problem now is she just doesn't seem want to give us a chance even though this is our first proper big issue in 8 years

It's very one way this by the sounds of things.

Whatever happened to compromise !.

You're mellowing, it happens to us all with age, doesn't mean you should be acting / pretending to be someone your not anymore.

From what you're saying she's almost saying to you - " if you aren't prepared to do what I want, I'll do it anyway ".

Relationships are a two way thing mate.

 

[mkrudden]

That's the thing, I do like going out with her and her/our mates, but the past few months I've not really stepped up to the plate.

A good example is she's going to Glastonbury, but I jibbed it because the thought of 5 days of hanging out of my arse again really didn't appeal to me. Maybe that is an age thing. I'm 34 and she's 28.

The problem now is she just doesn't seem want to give us a chance even though this is our first proper big issue in 8 years

Hi mate

Firstly - sorry you're going through this.

Secondly - i've just been reading back your account of things and what stuck out is that this has only been going on a few months? It's seems a bit step for her to be now saying "she's bored". A kick up the arse might be more understandable but now sort of cutting ties so-to-speak re: going out seems very hasty.

Have you tried to speak to her generally about what's going on with her? How is work / friend-life?

Sometimes people get jealous if they see their friends zipping off to Oz or the USA for 3 weeks without a care in the world. I've been there in my younger years - a lass I was in a serious relationship wanted to go and do everything young people do. I was a stupid without a pot to urinate in. The compromise we made was her going and doing that stuff alone. We ended up forming a stronger relationship because I accepted that she had different views on travelling etc. Whilst we did end up breaking up, it was completely unrelated.

I guess the point i'm making is, perhaps she just wants a bit more independence, a bit more freedom. And whilst that evokes strong emotion that she may leave, you can be in a relationship and have that freedom.

Sounds like it would be great for you both?

 

[larrygobfiend]

Hi mate

Firstly - sorry you're going through this.

Secondly - i've just been reading back your account of things and what stuck out is that this has only been going on a few months? It's seems a bit step for her to be now saying "she's bored". A kick up the arse might be more understandable but now sort of cutting ties so-to-speak re: going out seems very hasty.

Have you tried to speak to her generally about what's going on with her? How is work / friend-life?

Sometimes people get jealous if they see their friends zipping off to Oz or the USA for 3 weeks without a care in the world. I've been there in my younger years - a lass I was in a serious relationship wanted to go and do everything young people do. I was a stupid without a pot to urinate in. The compromise we made was her going and doing that stuff alone. We ended up forming a stronger relationship because I accepted that she had different views on travelling etc. Whilst we did end up breaking up, it was completely unrelated.

I guess the point i'm making is, perhaps she just wants a bit more independence, a bit more freedom. And whilst that evokes strong emotion that she may leave, you can be in a relationship and have that freedom.

Sounds like it would be great for you both?

Thanks a lot, mate.

I'll get a chance to talk to her tonight and I'll keep what you've said in mind.

It's been a hell of dark week, but I just want what's best for her either way.

 

[COYBL25]

Thanks a lot, mate.

I'll get a chance to talk to her tonight and I'll keep what you've said in mind.

It's been a hell of dark week, but I just want what's best for her either way.

Good luck mate x

 

[mkrudden]

Thanks a lot, mate.

I'll get a chance to talk to her tonight and I'll keep what you've said in mind.

It's been a hell of dark week, but I just want what's best for her either way.

Good luck mate.

May I make one more suggestion?

Before you sit down with her - have a think about what you're missing in your life. In these circumstances, where it all feels a bit desperate, you can easily fall into conceding everything to hang on to the person you love. Making all the sacrifices.

In reality, it's absolutely a compromise.

We are here for you as a sound-board to process everything after you've had the conversation mate. Again, best of luck!

 

[Zezti]

Thanks a lot, mate.

I'll get a chance to talk to her tonight and I'll keep what you've said in mind.

It's been a hell of dark week, but I just want what's best for her either way.

That's good, but don't forget to do what's best for you as well.

Have you thought about having a trip away together? You said you think she might be bored so how about taking the initiative? Just a thought, like. I'm only 22, not massively experienced in these things y'know.