Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[rochdaleblue]

Might sound soppy but I'm going to ask someone in work out tomorrow but my anxiety is giving me a hard time. Anyone got any free advice?

Have you spoken to the girl much before? Is she in your circle of friends that you socialise with? If yes, then obviously she likes being in your company and there is every chance she will say yes. If she isn't, then give it a go, what have you got to lose. Good luck fella.

 

[EFCPaul]

Hi blues, thanks for the helpful words it has definitely made me feel better reading them.

Update is I didn't ask her, embarrassed to say my nerve failed me. Got talking a few times during the day but to be honest I fluffed my lines a bit and didn't come across at all how I'd have liked so I didn't take the plunge. She was on her phone a lot and I felt awkward and tripped over myself, couldn't focus my brain to carry the conversation and keep her interested. Annoyed at myself but oh well.

I'm back in with her tomorrow and if I get better vibes and sense a good moment I might will myself to do it. Problem that hurt me though was I saw her talking with another lad in there as well and she even sat with him on her lunch, I won't lie it really stung. When he speaks to her he's capable of doing things I seemingly can't. Gets her laughing and to focus her attention on him. What the nature of their relationship is I don't know, they might be into one another and he's way ahead of me or they could just be good workmates and my paranoia has ran wild because of my insecurities . It has made me feel crappy though, it caused my self-belief to abandon me at a critical moment. Is it worth giving it a go tomorrow and seeing what happens at least or just writing it off to save myself any possible humiliation and focusing elsewhere? My big fear/insecurity is that I'll make a move, get knocked back and become the laughing stock of the work. Or worse, the "awww" figure.

 

[granter79]

Hi blues, thanks for the helpful words it has definitely made me feel better reading them.

Update is I didn't ask her, embarrassed to say my nerve failed me. Got talking a few times during the day but to be honest I fluffed my lines a bit and didn't come across at all how I'd have liked so I didn't take the plunge. She was on her phone a lot and I felt awkward and tripped over myself, couldn't focus my brain to carry the conversation and keep her interested. Annoyed at myself but oh well.

I'm back in with her tomorrow and if I get better vibes and sense a good moment I might will myself to do it. Problem that hurt me though was I saw her talking with another lad in there as well and she even sat with him on her lunch, I won't lie it really stung. When he speaks to her he's capable of doing things I seemingly can't. Gets her laughing and to focus her attention on him. What the nature of their relationship is I don't know, they might be into one another and he's way ahead of me or they could just be good workmates and my paranoia has ran wild because of my insecurities . It has made me feel crappy though, it caused my self-belief to abandon me at a critical moment. Is it worth giving it a go tomorrow and seeing what happens at least or just writing it off to save myself any possible humiliation and focusing elsewhere? My big fear/insecurity is that I'll make a move, get knocked back and become the laughing stock of the work. Or worse, the "awww" figure.

No rush mate. When the right time comes youbwill be readt. Wouldn't worry about the other bloke either. Probably nothing in it.
As we said before you would not had considered this a year ago so you are in a great place and that will come across.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Hi blues, thanks for the helpful words it has definitely made me feel better reading them.

Update is I didn't ask her, embarrassed to say my nerve failed me. Got talking a few times during the day but to be honest I fluffed my lines a bit and didn't come across at all how I'd have liked so I didn't take the plunge. She was on her phone a lot and I felt awkward and tripped over myself, couldn't focus my brain to carry the conversation and keep her interested. Annoyed at myself but oh well.

I'm back in with her tomorrow and if I get better vibes and sense a good moment I might will myself to do it. Problem that hurt me though was I saw her talking with another lad in there as well and she even sat with him on her lunch, I won't lie it really stung. When he speaks to her he's capable of doing things I seemingly can't. Gets her laughing and to focus her attention on him. What the nature of their relationship is I don't know, they might be into one another and he's way ahead of me or they could just be good workmates and my paranoia has ran wild because of my insecurities . It has made me feel crappy though, it caused my self-belief to abandon me at a critical moment. Is it worth giving it a go tomorrow and seeing what happens at least or just writing it off to save myself any possible humiliation and focusing elsewhere? My big fear/insecurity is that I'll make a move, get knocked back and become the laughing stock of the work. Or worse, the "awww" figure.

Yes it's worth giving it a go - because if you don't you will never know. If not tomorrow then when you feel the moment is right.

If she says no for whatever reason, then it's her loss. Don't worry about what your co-workers think. Having been an office worker for probably longer than you have been alive, they will talk about it for a day or so and then move on to the next bit of gossip.

Good luck

 

[Blue Cheese]

Hi chaps, occupational health said I can go back to work, I didn't phone my boss for a return because don't want to go back until Monday hehe.

Its been a hard 6months very hard in fact but to know I'm out the other side is an amazing feeling.

I've had some great support through my gp, first steps, even work have given me the time I needed and of course this thread. Hard to explain to anyone who hasn't suffered depression but knowing others are experiencing similar and sharing those experiences as well as offering advice is of great comfort at times.

Don't give up if you're struggling and most of all talk to someone, even if you just start in here anonymously, its a step in the right direction.

 

[COYBL25]

Hi blues, thanks for the helpful words it has definitely made me feel better reading them.

Update is I didn't ask her, embarrassed to say my nerve failed me. Got talking a few times during the day but to be honest I fluffed my lines a bit and didn't come across at all how I'd have liked so I didn't take the plunge. She was on her phone a lot and I felt awkward and tripped over myself, couldn't focus my brain to carry the conversation and keep her interested. Annoyed at myself but oh well.

I'm back in with her tomorrow and if I get better vibes and sense a good moment I might will myself to do it. Problem that hurt me though was I saw her talking with another lad in there as well and she even sat with him on her lunch, I won't lie it really stung. When he speaks to her he's capable of doing things I seemingly can't. Gets her laughing and to focus her attention on him. What the nature of their relationship is I don't know, they might be into one another and he's way ahead of me or they could just be good workmates and my paranoia has ran wild because of my insecurities . It has made me feel crappy though, it caused my self-belief to abandon me at a critical moment. Is it worth giving it a go tomorrow and seeing what happens at least or just writing it off to save myself any possible humiliation and focusing elsewhere? My big fear/insecurity is that I'll make a move, get knocked back and become the laughing stock of the work. Or worse, the "awww" figure.

Tough one mate. You may be damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Maybe try to find out whether this lad is single etc ( without being obvious).

They could just be mates ?

 

[EFCPaul]

Tough one mate. You may be damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Maybe try to find out whether this lad is single etc ( without being obvious).

They could just be mates ?

He is as far as I know but part of me really is starting to not care.

To be honest I think the whole thing is causing me to realise what an issue my own lack of self of worth is causing forbmy social skills. How can I keep putting myself down so much? Why do I take everything to heart so much? Why am I falling bits over nothing?

I'm bi-polar and not on ANY medication admittedly. My mind is up and down like a seesaw and it's been worse the past few days as you can tell from posts because I've put this pressure on myself which is needless. I've had enough now, no more battering myself mentally.

 

[COYBL25]

He is as far as I know but part of me really is starting to not care.

To be honest I think the whole thing is causing me to realise what an issue my own lack of self of worth is causing forbmy social skills. How can I keep putting myself down so much? Why do I take everything to heart so much? Why am I falling bits over nothing?

I'm bi-polar and not on ANY medication admittedly. My mind is up and down like a seesaw and it's been worse the past few days because I've put this pressure on myself which is needless. I've had enough now, no more battering myself mentally.

It's only my opinion mate, but I think a relationship outside of work wouid be better for you, as you could keep the two things separate and this'd massively take the pressure off you.

I highly recommend the NHS run forum - Mentalhealth.org

There's long established threads on there that deal specifically with the problems you're having. I think you could get a lot of help on there x

 

[anjelikaferrett]

He is as far as I know but part of me really is starting to not care.

To be honest I think the whole thing is causing me to realise what an issue my own lack of self of worth is causing forbmy social skills. How can I keep putting myself down so much? Why do I take everything to heart so much? Why am I falling bits over nothing?

I'm bi-polar and not on ANY medication admittedly. My mind is up and down like a seesaw and it's been worse the past few days as you can tell from posts because I've put this pressure on myself which is needless. I've had enough now, no more battering myself mentally.

if it's any help or consolation, in my younger days, when in the presence of somebody I fancied I could never string a coherent sentence together and acted like a complete buffoon. Or worse, the filter between my mouth and brain switched off totally and whatever thought was in my head came out my mouth- which led to a rather unfortunate incident when I said to the object of my desire "I want your body" instead of "I want your raffle ticket money" (he had been selling tickets for a charity I helped with). I never spoke to him again.

And all of that without the complication of a mental health condition. I think I'm trying to say, in matters of the heart, we all make t)ts of ourselves every now and again. Don't worry about it.

 

[Jacob]

He is as far as I know but part of me really is starting to not care.

To be honest I think the whole thing is causing me to realise what an issue my own lack of self of worth is causing forbmy social skills. How can I keep putting myself down so much? Why do I take everything to heart so much? Why am I falling bits over nothing?

I'm bi-polar and not on ANY medication admittedly. My mind is up and down like a seesaw and it's been worse the past few days because I've put this pressure on myself which is needless. I've had enough now, no more battering myself mentally.

Cut yourself a bit of slack there...its not your fault youre sensitive. Ive been so like that in my younger days than now...being cut to the quick and silently hurt by things that others would probably brush off without a thought. Ironically, its only the slings and arrows of my life and serious ill health that have toughened me up more in later years. But you know, sensitivity is also a strength in a lot of ways as it also affords you the capacity to feel for others and empathise with people and their situations. Perhaps you should now try to show yourself some of that very same sensitivity...be kinder to yourself and don't over-analyse your situation and blaming yourself if you can try to avoid doing so. Youre feeling fragile and under pressure so before you embark on seeing if you can connect with this girl, why not wait a little while until you get stronger before you progress things. At least you will have the confidence to start the ball rolling then, should you get the right vibe that shes free.... and right for you. Good luck.

 

[EFCPaul]

It's only my opinion mate, but I think a relationship outside of work wouid be better for you, as you could keep the two things separate and this'd massively take the pressure off you.

I highly recommend the NHS run forum - Mentalhealth.org

There's long established threads on there that deal specifically with the problems you're having. I think you couid get a lot of help on there x

Yeah mate you're right, been on that forum and it's been a help. The whole thing has just got on top of me the past few days, the feelings of low self-worth. A lot of people in the place are immature whereas I'm not, least not to a silly degree. It's no way near as bad as the last place but I have had feelings over the past few months of feeling like an outsider because I am definitely excluded from certain things by the people who are my age or similar. I guess it's just been a case of me wanting to feel accepted, or at least making an effort to hold out a branch and hoping someone grabs hold of the other end.

I've decided what I'm going to do now going forward, I'm just going to be me. 100% me, no pretending to be something else to try and impress certain people. And if me isn't someone they want to bother with then whatever, it's their loss. I know in my heart I'm a good person who's fun to be friends with and I'll find friendships and relationships elsewhere if it's not wanted there. I've just been bluesy the last few days because it's like it all came to a head and I got crazy ideas in my brain over what to do to react to it.

Been out tonight to watch the match in a sheesha place with a proper mate and felt so much better, being with someone who actually enjoys my company and who I don't have any feelings of awkwardness around. I want THAT, not something else that feels forced and unnatural.

Thanks to everyone for their kind words. If anyone wants to DM to talk about anything I always have an ear to lend.

 

[Groucho]

Prefer BBC Radio Merseyside myself, but this could be promising from Radio City;

 

[hallamblue]

Prefer BBC Radio Merseyside myself, but this could be promising from Radio City;

The more things like this the better , especially from a more frivolous Radio station. You would expect something like that from Radio Merseyside but not from City. It shows that mental health is coming more into public consciousness.

 

[Ashtonian]

Hi blues, thanks for the helpful words it has definitely made me feel better reading them.

Update is I didn't ask her, embarrassed to say my nerve failed me. Got talking a few times during the day but to be honest I fluffed my lines a bit and didn't come across at all how I'd have liked so I didn't take the plunge. She was on her phone a lot and I felt awkward and tripped over myself, couldn't focus my brain to carry the conversation and keep her interested. Annoyed at myself but oh well.

I'm back in with her tomorrow and if I get better vibes and sense a good moment I might will myself to do it. Problem that hurt me though was I saw her talking with another lad in there as well and she even sat with him on her lunch, I won't lie it really stung. When he speaks to her he's capable of doing things I seemingly can't. Gets her laughing and to focus her attention on him. What the nature of their relationship is I don't know, they might be into one another and he's way ahead of me or they could just be good workmates and my paranoia has ran wild because of my insecurities . It has made me feel crappy though, it caused my self-belief to abandon me at a critical moment. Is it worth giving it a go tomorrow and seeing what happens at least or just writing it off to save myself any possible humiliation and focusing elsewhere? My big fear/insecurity is that I'll make a move, get knocked back and become the laughing stock of the work. Or worse, the "awww" figure.

Just ask her.

I get exactly what your thinking mate and believe me I had the same issues and probably would do again if found myself single so it is all normal feelings

But believe me, just ask her out. Worst case scenario is that she says no and if you ask her in private chances are it won't be gossip in the office. If you like her then rather than wait around and wait for her to meet someone else which will happen eventually , take the plunge and just ask her out. One thing to consider here mate, either she is interested or not. In a work environment she has already made her mind up on that subconsciously so no point in winning her round , just ask her out for dinner or drinks or whatever you had planned and perhaps, just perhaps she will say yes to you.

Plus if she is single she will love the idea that someone fancies her in the workplace so another reason why it wouldn't get spread about. Unless she is a complete b then she will be flattered so wouldn't want to hurt your feelings if she said no.

But until she says otherwise there is always the chance she says yes to you, so being a tit and fumbling about and being shy would be all for nothing if the answer would be yes either way.

So yeah, if you feel that strong, just get it out of the way because otherwise it will dwell on your mind far too long until eventually you can't ask her anymore.

 

[Eggs]

...internet therapy reported on BBC lunchtime news;

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-38528160