Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

efc_girl said:
Thanks for this reassurance. My appointment is on Wednesday and I'm really nervous :( I really don't want to go and I don't even know what to say! I will go though...
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That's exactly right. You will go - that's a promise you've made to yourself and one of the best things you can do is keep it.

At my first appt with a therapist-type, I remember feeling like EVERYONE (staff and other patients in waiting area) could see that there was something tremendously wrong with me - and I felt like I wanted to just walk out. But I didn't. And you won't.

I'm by far better off than I was before. Some of it sucked, some of it was just marvelous. I've a doctor who is no afraid to call me on my BS and, frankly, it's a good thing. Learning and experiencing how to look more honestly at our own thoughts and actions is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves.

(And what I realized later, with great relief and humor, is that everyone else in that waiting area was just like me - normal, needing someone to talk to or work with. There were no gigantic cartoon-like arrows pointing at me nor dark clouds & lightning above my head - though that would be a fun effect to master if I could pull it off.)
 
So guys I found myself reading this thread often and seen how helpful it can be so I thought I would do some venting..

My first born son was due to be born on the 17th of March (last Thursday)

Last Wednesday night my wife was rushed to hospital with crippling pain in her back and stomach. We were taken in and were told the initial scans failed to locate our boys heartbeat and we would need to go for another with a different doctor for a second opinion.. it took around 30 minutes for an on call doctor to get in to do this.. once the second doctor confirmed the same thing we started to realize what had happened.. we had lost our boy after 40 weeks..

My wife's placenta had completely come away and she had lost approximately 2L of blood internally. They suggested a natural birth but she / we couldn't go through that so they allowed us a c section..

This all happened in a 3 hour window.. I was sat in the ward waiting for her to come out of the operation.. I used this time to call my close family members to let them know what had happened.. this was up until the hardest 90 minutes of my life...

Fortunately since then she has pulled through fine and is in excellent health however the following days were the things nightmares are made of.. we had to hold out son in our arms meeting him and saying goodbye at the same time.. while my wife was in the hospital with my sisters as company I returned home to dismantle the bassinet and remove the car seat which has all gone in the nursery which has had the door shut since.

Making a call to a suggested funeral director with the first words "I need to arrange a funeral for my son" was probably a reality check that this was not a dream I would wake up from but was really happening.. I couldn't believe I was saying these words..since then we have had to do things like visit the cemetery where he could be buried (we since found out not all cemeteries can accommodate this type of burial) and make arrangements along these lines.. decisions like what our son will be dressed in when buried etc... The funeral is on Thursday with a close group of friends and family which I know is just going to be again the hardest thing we have ever had to do..

After our 20 week scan to which we found out we were having a boy the first thing I did was jump on on the Everton store to buy a onesie we could bring him home from the hospital.. as this was the first piece of clothing we brought him my wife was more then happy to have him dressed in this.. Flynn will be going to heaven a true blue.

I have had to shield my wife from a lot of this and try to be as strong as I can for her.. I guess this is why I wanted to tell my story somewhere as a form of venting as mentioned above.. I'm not looking for sympathy or attention I think it will help me to be able to put these thoughts into words..

During the pregnancy there was absolutely no problems at all the doctors could not have been happier with how everything went. I hope everyone hugs there children a little tighter tonight because I certainly would if I could...

Thank for the vent team.
 
aussiemike said:
So guys I found myself reading this thread often and seen how helpful it can be so I thought I would do some venting..

My first born son was due to be born on the 17th of March (last Thursday)

Last Wednesday night my wife was rushed to hospital with crippling pain in her back and stomach. We were taken in and were told the initial scans failed to locate our boys heartbeat and we would need to go for another with a different doctor for a second opinion.. it took around 30 minutes for an on call doctor to get in to do this.. once the second doctor confirmed the same thing we started to realize what had happened.. we had lost our boy after 40 weeks..

My wife's placenta had completely come away and she had lost approximately 2L of blood internally. They suggested a natural birth but she / we couldn't go through that so they allowed us a c section..

This all happened in a 3 hour window.. I was sat in the ward waiting for her to come out of the operation.. I used this time to call my close family members to let them know what had happened.. this was up until the hardest 90 minutes of my life...

Fortunately since then she has pulled through fine and is in excellent health however the following days were the things nightmares are made of.. we had to hold out son in our arms meeting him and saying goodbye at the same time.. while my wife was in the hospital with my sisters as company I returned home to dismantle the bassinet and remove the car seat which has all gone in the nursery which has had the door shut since.

Making a call to a suggested funeral director with the first words "I need to arrange a funeral for my son" was probably a reality check that this was not a dream I would wake up from but was really happening.. I couldn't believe I was saying these words..since then we have had to do things like visit the cemetery where he could be buried (we since found out not all cemeteries can accommodate this type of burial) and make arrangements along these lines.. decisions like what our son will be dressed in when buried etc... The funeral is on Thursday with a close group of friends and family which I know is just going to be again the hardest thing we have ever had to do..

After our 20 week scan to which we found out we were having a boy the first thing I did was jump on on the Everton store to buy a onesie we could bring him home from the hospital.. as this was the first piece of clothing we brought him my wife was more then happy to have him dressed in this.. Flynn will be going to heaven a true blue.

I have had to shield my wife from a lot of this and try to be as strong as I can for her.. I guess this is why I wanted to tell my story somewhere as a form of venting as mentioned above.. I'm not looking for sympathy or attention I think it will help me to be able to put these thoughts into words..

During the pregnancy there was absolutely no problems at all the doctors could not have been happier with how everything went. I hope everyone hugs there children a little tighter tonight because I certainly would if I could...

Thank for the vent team.
Click to expand...
Bloody hell mate I am tearing up reading that!
How can I possibly write anything that would comfort you and your wife? Seriously, may God bless you both. What you have experienced must be the worst nightmare any parents could go through.
If this place helps in any way, then vent until you can't vent any more.

The onesie... mate I'm going to lose it and start crying. Flynn, you will always be one of us mate as you look down on us.

Sending all my love and thoughts to you both

Kith
xx
 
aussiemike said:
So guys I found myself reading this thread often and seen how helpful it can be so I thought I would do some venting..

My first born son was due to be born on the 17th of March (last Thursday)

Last Wednesday night my wife was rushed to hospital with crippling pain in her back and stomach. We were taken in and were told the initial scans failed to locate our boys heartbeat and we would need to go for another with a different doctor for a second opinion.. it took around 30 minutes for an on call doctor to get in to do this.. once the second doctor confirmed the same thing we started to realize what had happened.. we had lost our boy after 40 weeks..

My wife's placenta had completely come away and she had lost approximately 2L of blood internally. They suggested a natural birth but she / we couldn't go through that so they allowed us a c section..

This all happened in a 3 hour window.. I was sat in the ward waiting for her to come out of the operation.. I used this time to call my close family members to let them know what had happened.. this was up until the hardest 90 minutes of my life...

Fortunately since then she has pulled through fine and is in excellent health however the following days were the things nightmares are made of.. we had to hold out son in our arms meeting him and saying goodbye at the same time.. while my wife was in the hospital with my sisters as company I returned home to dismantle the bassinet and remove the car seat which has all gone in the nursery which has had the door shut since.

Making a call to a suggested funeral director with the first words "I need to arrange a funeral for my son" was probably a reality check that this was not a dream I would wake up from but was really happening.. I couldn't believe I was saying these words..since then we have had to do things like visit the cemetery where he could be buried (we since found out not all cemeteries can accommodate this type of burial) and make arrangements along these lines.. decisions like what our son will be dressed in when buried etc... The funeral is on Thursday with a close group of friends and family which I know is just going to be again the hardest thing we have ever had to do..

After our 20 week scan to which we found out we were having a boy the first thing I did was jump on on the Everton store to buy a onesie we could bring him home from the hospital.. as this was the first piece of clothing we brought him my wife was more then happy to have him dressed in this.. Flynn will be going to heaven a true blue.

I have had to shield my wife from a lot of this and try to be as strong as I can for her.. I guess this is why I wanted to tell my story somewhere as a form of venting as mentioned above.. I'm not looking for sympathy or attention I think it will help me to be able to put these thoughts into words..

During the pregnancy there was absolutely no problems at all the doctors could not have been happier with how everything went. I hope everyone hugs there children a little tighter tonight because I certainly would if I could...

Thank for the vent team.
Click to expand...


I'm not ashamed to say, that this made me cry mate. The fact that you've been able to post such an eloquent piece at what must be the hardest time of your life is amazing, I know I wouldn't have been able to do it.

It's only words mate, but try to stay strong for your missus, as I know from fiends that this happened to, that it can hit the mother hard as a form of post natal depression / grief.

Have the hospital offered any kind of grief counselling ?. If they have go and see them, it won't take the pain away, but it will help you understand that it's normal and natural to feel the way you feel.

Once again mate, my heart goes out to you and if you want to talk in private don't hesitate to PM me, I will always get back to you and you'll never be putting me out.

Remember to take care of yourself too mate.
 
aussiemike said:
So guys I found myself reading this thread often and seen how helpful it can be so I thought I would do some venting..

My first born son was due to be born on the 17th of March (last Thursday)

Last Wednesday night my wife was rushed to hospital with crippling pain in her back and stomach. We were taken in and were told the initial scans failed to locate our boys heartbeat and we would need to go for another with a different doctor for a second opinion.. it took around 30 minutes for an on call doctor to get in to do this.. once the second doctor confirmed the same thing we started to realize what had happened.. we had lost our boy after 40 weeks..

My wife's placenta had completely come away and she had lost approximately 2L of blood internally. They suggested a natural birth but she / we couldn't go through that so they allowed us a c section..

This all happened in a 3 hour window.. I was sat in the ward waiting for her to come out of the operation.. I used this time to call my close family members to let them know what had happened.. this was up until the hardest 90 minutes of my life...

Fortunately since then she has pulled through fine and is in excellent health however the following days were the things nightmares are made of.. we had to hold out son in our arms meeting him and saying goodbye at the same time.. while my wife was in the hospital with my sisters as company I returned home to dismantle the bassinet and remove the car seat which has all gone in the nursery which has had the door shut since.

Making a call to a suggested funeral director with the first words "I need to arrange a funeral for my son" was probably a reality check that this was not a dream I would wake up from but was really happening.. I couldn't believe I was saying these words..since then we have had to do things like visit the cemetery where he could be buried (we since found out not all cemeteries can accommodate this type of burial) and make arrangements along these lines.. decisions like what our son will be dressed in when buried etc... The funeral is on Thursday with a close group of friends and family which I know is just going to be again the hardest thing we have ever had to do..

After our 20 week scan to which we found out we were having a boy the first thing I did was jump on on the Everton store to buy a onesie we could bring him home from the hospital.. as this was the first piece of clothing we brought him my wife was more then happy to have him dressed in this.. Flynn will be going to heaven a true blue.

I have had to shield my wife from a lot of this and try to be as strong as I can for her.. I guess this is why I wanted to tell my story somewhere as a form of venting as mentioned above.. I'm not looking for sympathy or attention I think it will help me to be able to put these thoughts into words..

During the pregnancy there was absolutely no problems at all the doctors could not have been happier with how everything went. I hope everyone hugs there children a little tighter tonight because I certainly would if I could...

Thank for the vent team.
Click to expand...

Not many people will fully understand what you are going through, myself included, so there isn't much to say other than I am deeply sorry for your loss.

I hope you and your wife find peace, although I am sure it will take some time to heal.

You will be in the thoughts and prayers of many people, don't be afraid to lean on them if you need some help.
 
aussiemike said:
So guys I found myself reading this thread often and seen how helpful it can be so I thought I would do some venting..

My first born son was due to be born on the 17th of March (last Thursday)

Last Wednesday night my wife was rushed to hospital with crippling pain in her back and stomach. We were taken in and were told the initial scans failed to locate our boys heartbeat and we would need to go for another with a different doctor for a second opinion.. it took around 30 minutes for an on call doctor to get in to do this.. once the second doctor confirmed the same thing we started to realize what had happened.. we had lost our boy after 40 weeks..

My wife's placenta had completely come away and she had lost approximately 2L of blood internally. They suggested a natural birth but she / we couldn't go through that so they allowed us a c section..

This all happened in a 3 hour window.. I was sat in the ward waiting for her to come out of the operation.. I used this time to call my close family members to let them know what had happened.. this was up until the hardest 90 minutes of my life...

Fortunately since then she has pulled through fine and is in excellent health however the following days were the things nightmares are made of.. we had to hold out son in our arms meeting him and saying goodbye at the same time.. while my wife was in the hospital with my sisters as company I returned home to dismantle the bassinet and remove the car seat which has all gone in the nursery which has had the door shut since.

Making a call to a suggested funeral director with the first words "I need to arrange a funeral for my son" was probably a reality check that this was not a dream I would wake up from but was really happening.. I couldn't believe I was saying these words..since then we have had to do things like visit the cemetery where he could be buried (we since found out not all cemeteries can accommodate this type of burial) and make arrangements along these lines.. decisions like what our son will be dressed in when buried etc... The funeral is on Thursday with a close group of friends and family which I know is just going to be again the hardest thing we have ever had to do..

After our 20 week scan to which we found out we were having a boy the first thing I did was jump on on the Everton store to buy a onesie we could bring him home from the hospital.. as this was the first piece of clothing we brought him my wife was more then happy to have him dressed in this.. Flynn will be going to heaven a true blue.

I have had to shield my wife from a lot of this and try to be as strong as I can for her.. I guess this is why I wanted to tell my story somewhere as a form of venting as mentioned above.. I'm not looking for sympathy or attention I think it will help me to be able to put these thoughts into words..

During the pregnancy there was absolutely no problems at all the doctors could not have been happier with how everything went. I hope everyone hugs there children a little tighter tonight because I certainly would if I could...

Thank for the vent team.
Click to expand...

Thoughts and prayers are with you, your wife and your son, now in heaven.

Difficult to say much more than the blue family around the world (and the thousands that read this thread in particular) will all be with you at this terrible time. If that's of any comfort, I hope so.

Whatever we on this thread can do to help, you only need ask.
 
@aussiemike, mate its probably too soon to think too far ahead, but we lost a baby much earlier in pregnancy than your loss. After a few weeks we bought a magnolia tree (which flowers at the time the baby was due to be born). 20 years later, it's quite a big tree and flowers in the early spring which always reminds us of our unborn child.

Might not be appropriate for you, but for us the tree has brought a great deal of joy and comfort over the years.

Just a thought.
 
aussiemike said:
So guys I found myself reading this thread often and seen how helpful it can be so I thought I would do some venting..

My first born son was due to be born on the 17th of March (last Thursday)

Last Wednesday night my wife was rushed to hospital with crippling pain in her back and stomach. We were taken in and were told the initial scans failed to locate our boys heartbeat and we would need to go for another with a different doctor for a second opinion.. it took around 30 minutes for an on call doctor to get in to do this.. once the second doctor confirmed the same thing we started to realize what had happened.. we had lost our boy after 40 weeks..

My wife's placenta had completely come away and she had lost approximately 2L of blood internally. They suggested a natural birth but she / we couldn't go through that so they allowed us a c section..

This all happened in a 3 hour window.. I was sat in the ward waiting for her to come out of the operation.. I used this time to call my close family members to let them know what had happened.. this was up until the hardest 90 minutes of my life...

Fortunately since then she has pulled through fine and is in excellent health however the following days were the things nightmares are made of.. we had to hold out son in our arms meeting him and saying goodbye at the same time.. while my wife was in the hospital with my sisters as company I returned home to dismantle the bassinet and remove the car seat which has all gone in the nursery which has had the door shut since.

Making a call to a suggested funeral director with the first words "I need to arrange a funeral for my son" was probably a reality check that this was not a dream I would wake up from but was really happening.. I couldn't believe I was saying these words..since then we have had to do things like visit the cemetery where he could be buried (we since found out not all cemeteries can accommodate this type of burial) and make arrangements along these lines.. decisions like what our son will be dressed in when buried etc... The funeral is on Thursday with a close group of friends and family which I know is just going to be again the hardest thing we have ever had to do..

After our 20 week scan to which we found out we were having a boy the first thing I did was jump on on the Everton store to buy a onesie we could bring him home from the hospital.. as this was the first piece of clothing we brought him my wife was more then happy to have him dressed in this.. Flynn will be going to heaven a true blue.

I have had to shield my wife from a lot of this and try to be as strong as I can for her.. I guess this is why I wanted to tell my story somewhere as a form of venting as mentioned above.. I'm not looking for sympathy or attention I think it will help me to be able to put these thoughts into words..

During the pregnancy there was absolutely no problems at all the doctors could not have been happier with how everything went. I hope everyone hugs there children a little tighter tonight because I certainly would if I could...

Thank for the vent team.
Click to expand...

Mike,
my and my missus went through a very similar episode when we lost our son after less than 20 minutes. The devastation you are both feeling will never completely go, but with time, mutual loving and care, the pain will lessen.
God willing and after a suitable time you'll both be as fortunate as we were in that we were blessed with a beautiful daughter who even now, 34 years later is the person we cherish the most.

Good luck to you both.
 
I feel like [Poor language removed]. Been like this for past 2 weeks and I feel like so many things are happening at the moment and I can't catch up with anything, I just want to rest a bit. Not like any of you can help, just felt like I should post it here. Main reason why I've been inactive.
 
admirschleck said:
I feel like [Poor language removed]. Been like this for past 2 weeks and I feel like shitton things are happening at the moment and I can't catch up with anything. Not like any of you can help, just felt like I should post it here. Main reason why I've been inactive.
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What's happened to make you feel like this for the past two weeks mate ?
 
admirschleck said:
I feel like [Poor language removed]. Been like this for past 2 weeks and I feel like so many things are happening at the moment and I can't catch up with anything, I just want to rest a bit. Not like any of you can help, just felt like I should post it here. Main reason why I've been inactive.
Click to expand...
Post away mate, that's why the thread is here... Take care.
 
admirschleck said:
I feel like [Poor language removed]. Been like this for past 2 weeks and I feel like so many things are happening at the moment and I can't catch up with anything, I just want to rest a bit. Not like any of you can help, just felt like I should post it here. Main reason why I've been inactive.
Click to expand...

I think just posting a few of my feelings on here has helped. Obviously nobody can delve that deeply on an Internet forum, but I feel like there are people who understand on here and just receiving responses and kind words/advice has helped me calm down a bit. You should try the same and you might feel a little better for it.
 

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