Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

Marius57

Player Valuation: £40m
Having a pretty rough time at the moment. Works really draining and emotional with some really significant things going on that's just taking their toll over the last few months. (I do love what I do, but it's just emotional and some oartd arent nice)

But today has been just awful. Ignoring the awful morning at work, got a message at lunch time to say my friends 16 year old son passed away last night.
Then got home to my wife in bits because MiL had a scan today (which we weren't aware of) and the cancer treatment (3rd type of treatment so far) isn't working and the cancer has spread further and they are stopping the treatment. So we don't know what's next currently.

Just feeling very overwhelmed. And then I think about my wife and what she is having to process and about what my friend must be going through and I just don't know what to say or do or where to turn.
 

Nymzee

Player Valuation: £120m
Having a pretty rough time at the moment. Works really draining and emotional with some really significant things going on that's just taking their toll over the last few months. (I do love what I do, but it's just emotional and some oartd arent nice)

But today has been just awful. Ignoring the awful morning at work, got a message at lunch time to say my friends 16 year old son passed away last night.
Then got home to my wife in bits because MiL had a scan today (which we weren't aware of) and the cancer treatment (3rd type of treatment so far) isn't working and the cancer has spread further and they are stopping the treatment. So we don't know what's next currently.

Just feeling very overwhelmed. And then I think about my wife and what she is having to process and about what my friend must be going through and I just don't know what to say or do or where to turn.

Sorry to hear about that mate. Advice though? Just be an ear to them, you don't have to have answers for them, don't have to have solutions for them, just listen to them and be there for them.

Importantly though: don't think that their issues are a good reason to block your own, nothing worse than being an ear when you also need someone to be an ear for you. They're going through a lot but pretty sure they don't want you to as well, so don't bottle up your own stuff, speak to someone outside those problems if you feel like they're already going through enough to help etc.
 

Marius57

Player Valuation: £40m
Sorry to hear about that mate. Advice though? Just be an ear to them, you don't have to have answers for them, don't have to have solutions for them, just listen to them and be there for them.

Importantly though: don't think that their issues are a good reason to block your own, nothing worse than being an ear when you also need someone to be an ear for you. They're going through a lot but pretty sure they don't want you to as well, so don't bottle up your own stuff, speak to someone outside those problems if you feel like they're already going through enough to help etc.
Thank you.

I think I'm just finding it hard as with my wife it's been like a year and a half now and we have had very little positives with it all and just feeling like I'm not doing enough for her. I do know that's not the case but hard to not feel like I do as theres no words I haven't already used.

The work stuff I can shift. Today's just been a bit much I think.
 

COYBL25

Official GOT Joey Speak Interpreter.
Having a pretty rough time at the moment. Works really draining and emotional with some really significant things going on that's just taking their toll over the last few months. (I do love what I do, but it's just emotional and some oartd arent nice)

But today has been just awful. Ignoring the awful morning at work, got a message at lunch time to say my friends 16 year old son passed away last night.
Then got home to my wife in bits because MiL had a scan today (which we weren't aware of) and the cancer treatment (3rd type of treatment so far) isn't working and the cancer has spread further and they are stopping the treatment. So we don't know what's next currently.

Just feeling very overwhelmed. And then I think about my wife and what she is having to process and about what my friend must be going through and I just don't know what to say or do or where to turn.

Maybe have word with who ever is in charge in work ( if it`s not you ) and ask, if they can be cut you a bit of slack ?

You`ve got a lot going on there mate and I think anyone, would struggle with what you`ve got on your plate at the mo tbh.
 

Marius57

Player Valuation: £40m
Maybe have word with who ever is in charge in work ( if it`s not you ) and ask, if they can be cut you a bit of slack ?

You`ve got a lot going on there mate and I think anyone, would struggle with what you`ve got on your plate at the mo tbh.
Yeah, my managers great at supporting. Just difficult with being a small team and the nature of the work we do.

It's all just frustrating. I'm quite a quite person and I'm good at listening and then finding the right words. But it's just having no words to help which is making this hard.
 

Charro

Player Valuation: £25m
Yeah, my managers great at supporting. Just difficult with being a small team and the nature of the work we do.

It's all just frustrating. I'm quite a quite person and I'm good at listening and then finding the right words. But it's just having no words to help which is making this hard.

Just be there for her and try to keep life as normal as possible.

Don't ask if she's ok all the time, do little things like cooking for her, maybe going out of you have the time, but let her vent when she needs to.

She won't know herself what she wants from you, but will need to take herself away from the situation and you're the best person to do that.

Don't put any pressure on yourself. I lost my mum at the start of the year after an 18 month cancer illness, and look back at that time and appreciate the times of normality that I had, more than anything else.
 

Nymzee

Player Valuation: £120m
I was supposed to be at an event today with quite a strong networking component. I think I lasted an incredibly awkward 5 minutes of standing there feeling like an utter weirdo before leaving. Not good is it? 43 years old and struggle to talk to people.

I wouldn't say it was bad though - everyone is different. I'm absolutely naff at speaking to strangers or when I'm in large crowds; always in the corner at family parties, keep to myself etc. Social anxiety just happens to some but I've never felt like it was detrimental to me.

Plus people are just weird, who'd wanna network with them.
 

anjelikaferrett

Getting older but not wiser.
Having a pretty rough time at the moment. Works really draining and emotional with some really significant things going on that's just taking their toll over the last few months. (I do love what I do, but it's just emotional and some oartd arent nice)

But today has been just awful. Ignoring the awful morning at work, got a message at lunch time to say my friends 16 year old son passed away last night.
Then got home to my wife in bits because MiL had a scan today (which we weren't aware of) and the cancer treatment (3rd type of treatment so far) isn't working and the cancer has spread further and they are stopping the treatment. So we don't know what's next currently.

Just feeling very overwhelmed. And then I think about my wife and what she is having to process and about what my friend must be going through and I just don't know what to say or do or where to turn.
Oh that' so sad. No wonder you feel overwhelmed. You care deeply about the people who are having such a hard time. As somebody has said, just be there for them. Be a friendly ear to your friend. But don't invalidate your own feelings either. They are important too. Sending you much love and best wishes
 

roydo

Moderator
Staff member
I was supposed to be at an event today with quite a strong networking component. I think I lasted an incredibly awkward 5 minutes of standing there feeling like an utter weirdo before leaving. Not good is it? 43 years old and struggle to talk to people.

As an amateur in this, despite having some experience on that stuff, I would hazard a guess that you had some mild panic attack. If you felt you had to "get out", or felt in a 3rd dimension almost, then almost certainly. I wont insult your intelligence by suggesting a root cause, you are a friend. But to not be afraid of it is all I will say.

Removing yourself from a probable incident is good. It might make you feel foolish, (almost certainly did) But do not beat yourself up about doing so.
 
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Gwladysover

Player Valuation: £20m
Having a pretty rough time at the moment. Works really draining and emotional with some really significant things going on that's just taking their toll over the last few months. (I do love what I do, but it's just emotional and some oartd arent nice)

But today has been just awful. Ignoring the awful morning at work, got a message at lunch time to say my friends 16 year old son passed away last night.
Then got home to my wife in bits because MiL had a scan today (which we weren't aware of) and the cancer treatment (3rd type of treatment so far) isn't working and the cancer has spread further and they are stopping the treatment. So we don't know what's next currently.

Just feeling very overwhelmed. And then I think about my wife and what she is having to process and about what my friend must be going through and I just don't know what to say or do or where to turn.
So very sorry to read that you are having such a tough time at the moment. Just to echo what others have said, you are helping just by being there and listening. Don’t neglect yourself though, if you don’t have anyone at hand to talk to there is always someone here to listen. Best wishes to you.💙
 

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