Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[efcforever]

Been reading this for a long time, but never felt the need to post until today. I know my problems aren't as large as some on here but I really feel at the end of my rope this week.

I just seem to keep making problems for myself and letting my wife down in totally avoidable ways. I've had some stress with work over the last couple of months (in fact I started a completely new career at the end of last year so a lot of learning on the job and doing extra) and I just feel all at sea. I got the day of her birthday wrong at the start of the month (thought it was sunday, was in fact saturday) which is never good and I've made a few messes with admin (not paying stuff on time) that have cost us a few hundred quid.

I had a mate visiting last night who lives abroad now and I hadn't seen in person in like 10 years. We were supposed to meet her but then he wanted to go to this place and see that thing and have one more beer and I lost track of time and kept her waiting for over an hour.

I don't know why I keep making these messes and I hate letting her down and hurting her. It's even small stuff that my head is too busy to process (locking doors, turning lights out). It's just hit me this morning when she called me a loser and said she'd had enough of living with a child that I must be hell to live with. My brain is always in 4 different places, I can never focus on anything for more than a minute etc etc.

I really feel like I'm losing the most important person in my life and I keep on making stupid mistakes that contribute to it. When I try hard to fix one error, it just takes focus away from the other 3 problems that are looming and I end up making it worse. I feel like I've spent my whole life chasing my tail and getting nowhere.

Sorry for the wall of text. I'm just feeling in a really bad place and don't know who to talk to.

It happens mate. Last year I was meant to sort something out for my wife's car insurance. It's always been my job to handle all the financial and admin stuff. Anyway I completely forgot and her car insurance policy was cancelled. I was really upset with myself.

Try not to beat yourself up. You've started a néw career to better yourself which will ultimately benefit yourself and your wife.

I would talk to her and ask if she can take on a little more for a while so you can free up some head space.

 

[ScouseClown]

I stupidly went and messaged my ex didn't I...

I explained the situation in here previously but anyway for more detail.

The girl I was with we've had a good 2 years only past few months it hasn't felt too good. I felt like I'm the only one who did things around the flat, got to the point there was no cooking and was constant takeaways and feeling like roommates rather than a couple, was a mistake by both of us but still.

Anyway I've felt for awhile I need mental help again, we've been talking about IVF as she has issues conceiving so seemed like our only hope. Supposedly we can't have the IVF if any of us have mental health issues so when I told her I need a doctor she flipped. Told me I'm ruining her chances of being a mum and basically acted like my mental health meant nothing, most likely due to hurt.

Anyway arguments continued and I was told numerous times we was over so I just thought I don't care anymore I need to focus on me.

I reached out and spoke to my ex but with nothing malicious intended. Basically just wanting to know if she was okay etc, and we ended up talking for hours about how things have been and whether could have made it work in the past / future.

My girlfriend and I had a talk after this and agreed to try make it work and be more understanding towards each other. However I felt so guilty that I spoke to my ex since we had argued about it happening so I showed her the chat.

She was broken and has told me it's over. I know it's my own fault, so don't expect any sympathy, however I've felt like she hasn't cared for a long time.

So now I'm back at my mum's house, going to try go the doctor in the morning and feel like I'm just back to square one.

 

[Nymzee]

I stupidly went and messaged my ex didn't I...

I explained the situation in here previously but anyway for more detail.

The girl I was with we've had a good 2 years only past few months it hasn't felt too good. I felt like I'm the only one who did things around the flat, got to the point there was no cooking and was constant takeaways and feeling like roommates rather than a couple, was a mistake by both of us but still.

Anyway I've felt for awhile I need mental help again, we've been talking about IVF as she has issues conceiving so seemed like our only hope. Supposedly we can't have the IVF if any of us have mental health issues so when I told her I need a doctor she flipped. Told me I'm ruining her chances of being a mum and basically acted like my mental health meant nothing, most likely due to hurt.

Anyway arguments continued and I was told numerous times we was over so I just thought I don't care anymore I need to focus on me.

I reached out and spoke to my ex but with nothing malicious intended. Basically just wanting to know if she was okay etc, and we ended up talking for hours about how things have been and whether could have made it work in the past / future.

My girlfriend and I had a talk after this and agreed to try make it work and be more understanding towards each other. However I felt so guilty that I spoke to my ex since we had argued about it happening so I showed her the chat.

She was broken and has told me it's over. I know it's my own fault, so don't expect any sympathy, however I've felt like she hasn't cared for a long time.

So now I'm back at my mum's house, going to try go the doctor in the morning and feel like I'm just back to square one.

Can I ask why you were trying for a child with your missus when you said it hasn’t felt good lately? Maybe this is for the best though. Hope you get what you need from the docs.

 

[ScouseClown]

Can I ask why you were trying for a child with your missus when you said it hasn’t felt good lately? Maybe this is for the best though. Hope you get what you need from the docs.

Of course mate. Because we've been trying for ages and we was making steps to get better.

Changes had slowly started to show and it was like we was getting back to the old us, so I was hoping it would stay that way.

 

[ScouseClown]

Got my sertraline yesterday.

Went for a coffee with the Mrs today and she is hurt and knows I messed up and contacted my ex but we're working on fixing it.

Got the doctor again in a couple of weeks to see how I'm doing and to see if I need to increase the mg of tablets.

I know everyone always says it but definitely speak to people if things are bothering you, never worth bottling up.

 

[Spotty]

Got my sertraline yesterday.

Went for a coffee with the Mrs today and she is hurt and knows I messed up and contacted my ex but we're working on fixing it.

Got the doctor again in a couple of weeks to see how I'm doing and to see if I need to increase the mg of tablets.

I know everyone always says it but definitely speak to people if things are bothering you, never worth bottling up.

Scouse anti depressants normally take 4/5 weeks to be " therapeutic ". Max daily dose is 200mg but be cautious bud, never just stop your meds, ALWAYS talk to your GP if you think they may not be working. There's loads of anti depressants on the market so don't panic if they aren't therapeutic for you. You'll know if / when your meds start " kicking in " Good advice about talking to people. Take care Scouse, all the best.

 

[Brett Angell Delight]

I stupidly went and messaged my ex didn't I...

I explained the situation in here previously but anyway for more detail.

The girl I was with we've had a good 2 years only past few months it hasn't felt too good. I felt like I'm the only one who did things around the flat, got to the point there was no cooking and was constant takeaways and feeling like roommates rather than a couple, was a mistake by both of us but still.

Anyway I've felt for awhile I need mental help again, we've been talking about IVF as she has issues conceiving so seemed like our only hope. Supposedly we can't have the IVF if any of us have mental health issues so when I told her I need a doctor she flipped. Told me I'm ruining her chances of being a mum and basically acted like my mental health meant nothing, most likely due to hurt.

Anyway arguments continued and I was told numerous times we was over so I just thought I don't care anymore I need to focus on me.

I reached out and spoke to my ex but with nothing malicious intended. Basically just wanting to know if she was okay etc, and we ended up talking for hours about how things have been and whether could have made it work in the past / future.

My girlfriend and I had a talk after this and agreed to try make it work and be more understanding towards each other. However I felt so guilty that I spoke to my ex since we had argued about it happening so I showed her the chat.

She was broken and has told me it's over. I know it's my own fault, so don't expect any sympathy, however I've felt like she hasn't cared for a long time.

So now I'm back at my mum's house, going to try go the doctor in the morning and feel like I'm just back to square one.

There’s a lot to unpick in there, mate. What I will say is fair play to you for coming clean like you did. While it has obviously and understandably hurt her, it shows her at least she can rely on you to be honest (even if it takes a minute).

Exes tend to be exes for a reason. The further removed you both are from the relationship the rosier it’s likely to look to you both, but there’s almost certainly a good reason to give it a massive swerve.

Whatever you decide to do going forward, I wish you the best.

 

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[Spotty]

Efc, " free up head space ".Love it. I for one am a great advocate for prioritising and dealing with one thing at a time. Big big reason for people experiencing stress, " thinking too much " Well said

 

[Dario Terracotta]

Only one fella with the gonads for this,Mr Testicles.

 

[Dario Terracotta]

Only one fella with the gonads for this,Mr Testicles.apologies,should have been in the Lampard thread this post???

 

[Nymzee]

 

[paultheblue]

Had the last of my 20 sessions of Radiotherapy today hopefully it has done the trick reducing the cancer I won't know until I get a blood test in about 6 weeks.
I have been lucky up to now regards side effects just a few niggles but nothing to brag about.

 

[EFCPaul]

Not in a good place, actually had thoughts about jumping off a bridge a bit earlier. Not serious ones, but the idea and mental images shouldn't ever be entering my mind surely.

Just feels like nothing is going the way I'd like it too, that I'm X years old and have hardly anything to show for it. If I had the option to re-set my life from the beginning I probably would.

Hoping I'll shake these negative ideas soon, if this carries on I'll be in real trouble.

 

[Spotty]

EFC sorry your feeling so bad. I can only imagine how bad your feeling. Can I ask if it's possible to talk to a loved one or a friend and ask them if it's ok to stay with them. Just being with someone who cares REALLY matters. Doesn't need to be in a " chat about everything " situation. More of a " be there for me, be around just in case ". Someone to tell how bad your feeling. In short EFC , helping you feel safe. If you get to the point where it's unbearable mate, please call the police. Tell them your suicidal and they will get help from mental health services for you. Alternatively, go to A / E and tell them honestly " if I don't get help, I'm going to kill myself ". Your at a stage wherebye you need to be kept safe, in a safe environment with people who care. The reasons why, causation etc can wait, important as it is. Youre self esteem has taken a massive hit fella, but I genuinely believe you can recover, and begin to feel better. There WILL be reasons why people need you, why you being around is important and yes, how your support and input in someone's life is very important to someone. Life can be s**t fella, but not always. I myself have found myself thinking " if only ", where the reset you allude to could easily apply to myself..

Let's keep you safe my friend, sorround yourself with loved ones, close friends and people who care. A visit to your Dr is always helpful, but you need to get through this horrible phase. Try to take on board my suggestions as to what to do re: " being close to the edge ". Concentrate all your thoughts on " I'm in crisis, I feel suicidal, what did spotty say ?". The thoughts and good wishes of of many on here are with you I'm sure. Take care EFC and if you feel the need to, you can DM me my friend. Take care.