Gwladysover
Player Valuation: £35m
May I recommend the @messymascot thread, no negativity allowed and the people on there really do restore your faith in human nature.
I previously mentioned my intense anguish generated about bein deceptive about my age with my girlfriend, emanating from insecurities bred by a history of seizures and severe depression. Which lead her to sever the relationship. It's been over two weeks and she has maintained full silence. It's been daunting as she was a major fixture in my daily life. As touched upon in earlier posts the guilt has ravaged my being on a perpetual basis, I have OCD so I probably ruminate about my misdeed thousands of times in the span of a day. The despair is so overwhelming and Incapacitating, I even attempted to engage in online dating utilizing my real age this time (four year difference) it was an unsuccessful endeavor, no one seemed to fit my tastes also way too many self professed dog moms and I was unable to secure match. Honestly if I cant be with my ex I really currently dont want to mingle with anyone it was an unique connection that would be difficult to replicate. As my misery ensued last night I was greeted by an old nemesis I thought was extinct, my psychogenic seizures have made a resurgence, I'm assuming due to the inner turmoil. So in conjunction with the sorrow already present I now have to contend with potentially devastating seizures that could derail my life once again. Things feel so bleak.
Bloody hell mate, that’s a lot to have to deal with, I’m sorry.
All I would say to you is that it’s been just over two weeks. I’m sure it feels like a lifetime because you’ve spent the entirety of it missing her and dwelling on your slight misstep, but to have gone through all that with her, had another crack at online dating and professed it a complete failure is a lot to cram in to such a short space of time.
Give yourself a little breather and focus first and foremost on how to steady yourself. A good place to start would be to forgive yourself for your mistake. You should also understand that you probably didn’t give yourself much chance of establishing the kind of connection you did, before you met this girl; if it can happen once for you it can happen again, it just can’t be your priority right now. Get right with yourself and rediscover that best version of yourself. Play things with a completely straight bat next time and you’ll be fine.
Exactly this. Be kind to yourself.
@Curtis, I feel for you mate, it’s a lot to go through.
As others have said, you really shouldn’t continue beating yourself up about what happened. It was a small mistake, with no malice aforethought. You received a cruel lesson from that but you can’t continue with what if’s.
You have to focus on the good things achieved in the relationship and if you made it possible to be enjoyable, then you can do so again with someone different.
It’s time to look after yourself and leave the trepidation of new relationships to one side for the time being.
Rebuild the love for yourself and realise your worth. Once you get your head back in a good place, then dip your toe back in the water, without expecting too much too quickly.
Things will turn around, I’m sure, just be kind to yourself. You are a good person, believe that and know that people are wishing you well and are here for you, should you need them.
All the best, mate.
As others have said, you really shouldn’t continue beating yourself up about what happened. It was a small mistake, with no malice aforethought. You received a cruel lesson from that but you can’t continue with what if’s.
You have to focus on the good things achieved in the relationship and if you made it possible to be enjoyable, then you can do so again with someone different.
It’s time to look after yourself and leave the trepidation of new relationships to one side for the time being.
Rebuild the love for yourself and realise your worth. Once you get your head back in a good place, then dip your toe back in the water, without expecting too much too quickly.
Things will turn around, I’m sure, just be kind to yourself. You are a good person, believe that and know that people are wishing you well and are here for you, should you need them.
All the best, mate.
Sassy Colombian
Member: Team PoP
I commend you for coming here and opening up, Leylo. I hope your heart has managed to heal a bit from such a big loss. Xx
ForeverBlue92
Player Valuation: £80m
We all make mistakes mate the problem with the age of social media is everyone paints a holier than thou image of themselves which is completely fake.
Dont beat yourself up you only learn by making mistakes. Give it a few months and you'll be back in the game and will meet a decent woman you will get feelings for.
Sassy Colombian
Member: Team PoP
Mate, I was actually thinking about you today and wondering if things had improved for you. I’m sorry to hear they haven’t and that your sorrow is having such a bad effect on your health. Im sure it must be hard finding who you think is the right person and losing her because of a misstep but you shouldn’t continue beating yourself over it. We are only human and we make mistakes, we can’t be perfect. Your health is the main priority right now and love will come again. While this gal may have felt like the perfect match, there may be someone else out there for you, once the time is right, you just have to cross her path. But to do that you need to first begin forgiving yourself for you past mistakes, don’t let this one misjudgment hold you back.
Simon Buttle
Player Valuation: £50m
Wow, I do hope you are ok mate. I can identify with much of what you are saying, I have suffered with seizures since I was a child and they have pretty much dictated/destroyed my life at times over the years. Relationships are really hard as a lot of people just can't cope with it and don't want to watch a loved one going through what is involved with having a seizure (I have seen someone else have one and it's a horrible thing to watch that I would'nt wish on my worst enemy) I have met a few women over the years who have just not been able to cope with it, although I freely admit to having drug issues in the past which did'nt help the situation.
I'm guessing you take meds for this? it's just that a lot of the seizure meds can have some pretty horrendous side effects. I'm in no doubt that years of taking seizure meds has left me with fairly major anxiety and depression issues and my hands shake like I have Parkinson's disease. I don't know about you but a key thing for me is self confidence and I would suggest it's something you should try to work/get help with, I have struggled loads with it over the years and even recently I have not been feeling too great about stuff and much of it has been down to that, I have spoken to other people over the years and it seems to be a common issue amongst seizure sufferers.
Start by doing something that makes YOU feel good about YOU again, and go from there, don't worry about the girlfriend thing at the moment your health is more important (as others have said) go and speak to someone if you need to, I have done it loads and probably could do with it again tbh, there are some amazing people out there and they want to and can help you mate. If you want to ever chat just message me mate.
Sassy Colombian
Member: Team PoP
What a good message, Simon!
I’m sorry to hear you have not been feeling good recently, I hope things improve for you soon. X
I just want express my gratitude for the people in this group once again and their willingness to read my tales of despair and dispense positive counsel and support. Update I reached out to ex as I was mired in distress. She actually was willing to participate in a phone call but reiterated her need for space in processing the breakup. Which I committed to oblige , she also mentioned she could possibly talk to me at a later time, but was emphatic that she could never see herself dating me again. It was painful but cathartic as it did provide closure. I'm still reeling as she played down our connection and ability to endlessly converse and it leaves a major void. I don't have many current social links my parents both live thousands of miles away and with the holidays approaching I'm bracing myself for a challenging experience. But like people in this community mentioned I definitely agree its essential need to stop battering myself mentally and use this time to rebuild my self esteem. This might sound cliche but I'm trying to use this experience as a vital lesson to grow as an individual but it's so difficult to cope when the consequences were so destructive. Ultimately I cant let missteps impede upon going forward with life. Thanks
Sassy Colombian
Member: Team PoP
Closure is a good beginning, Curtis. So it is learning from this experience and growing from it. One step closer to your way to healing and feeling better. X
Great post mate. I’m sorry to hear you’ve struggled with seizures and problems with the meds, but to use that experience to help others is a credit to you. Best of luck with everything.
A positive first step, well done mate. Her playing it down had to sting a bit, but that might well be the sign that she wasn’t destined to be the one for you. I truly hope your next connection feels it the same way you do. I also hope she knows your year of birth from the off. Take no chances!!
Simon Buttle
Player Valuation: £50m
It's just one of those things but unless you actually suffer from them you probably would'nt realise just how restrictive being an epileptic actually as. There is so much that most people can do without thinking that I am not supposed to do (sometimes I do) driving being the big one, riding a bike, climbing a ladder, swimming, loads of job roles where employers just won't even look twice at you (they are not allowed to do this but believe me they do) As for the meds, let's just say I take 3 different types of tablet twice a day and one of those tablets has a very interesting side effect very clearly listed as 'major' at the top of the paper bit that comes with it - Death
