ijjysmith
Calm
Oh god. Not this competition again. For the last few years of writing these previews I've been saying 'surely this year', so time for a massive change of tact. It's not happening this season. We all know it. The team we put out will be weird. Barnsley will be well up for it, more on them later. And to top it off, it's live on Sky so the world can see the Everton League Cup jinx carry on.
Like last year.
Arguably the grimmest of the grim nights last season, possibly Kiev away aside. Martinez waxed lyrical about being up for the League Cup, so started with Atsu (bless you), Alcaraz (we've finally escaped from him) and was the last we ever saw of Sylvain Distin. Honest to god, I'd love to know what him and Eto'o got up to. It always sounded like they tried some sort of coup de gras on Martinez but failed badly. Anyway, Everton lost out big style and took a tonking at Swansea. Bloody Swansea who have a trophy in recent years. A what? One of them shiney things we used to win loads of but haven't for time. Loads of time.
The draw this season has been at least a little kinder to us. As we take a trip to South Yorkshire for what people are calling the John Stones derby. And by people, I mean me.
You know what's weird? I'm scared of even putting that picture in as Chelsea will probably have bid £34.5m for Stones by the time this game comes around. I mean what are they playing at? Who starts bids at £20m, gets told to do one, but comes back time after time with bids that they must know won't work. Cockney fools.
Anyway, Barnsley.
Fresh off a 0-0 draw at home to Bradford on Saturday they'll be well up for this. Probably. To be honest I know little about current Barnsley FC. A quick glance down their squad on Wikipedia suggests few names of note. Not even a rickety old Premier League striker who would definitely score past us. DO ONE NIGEL JEMSON.
A name that stands out is Lewin Nyatanga. My limited knowledge of Welsh toga, recalls he has a couple or so caps for the country. But since they got good hasn't had too much of a look in. A couple of loan players from Man United, and as we well know they probably have a couple of decent young defenders that we will sign for £2.5m in a year or two and then sell to Chelsea for £1billion a year or so later.
I actually grew up in and around Sheffield. I always heard about Barnsley, but never ever heard one good reason to go there. It was like that place on the outskirts of Vegas where you can get married for $10 when you could nip in a bit further and have nice time for a few bucks more.
As a southern Everton fan I can probably get away with saying that Barnsley sounds like the most northern place in the country. The epitome of chips and gravy and thinking it's dead funny to sing 'It's just like watching Brazil' when they had a Swindon Town esque season in the Premier League what seems like ages ago. But they did snot Liverpool at Anfield so there is that. Ashley Ward? Think that was him. Probably set up by Neil Redfearn. Second only to Dean Windass in stereotypical northern lad done good.
So Everton. Started the season with a win, a draw, and a loss. A loss that was perhaps not unexpected, a draw that should be a win, and a win that nobody saw coming. I never bet on Everton games as a superstition thing rather than actual logic. But would you ever bet on Everton really? Anything could happen, and it usually does.
Speaking to some fans at the Southampton game the other week, everybody seemed to to agree on one thing (a rarity among fans). This competition must be taken seriously. Not that we didn't last year. Just that we were a bit crap. You'd want a strongish line up for this. Full strength? Does anyone even know what that is? I bet you Martinez doesn't know it. If he starts 2 defensive midfielders at Oakwell then you'd have to worry.
Some names should play. Besic, Mirallas and Deulofeu have barely has a kick so far this season, so expect them to come in and show they aren't Steven Naismith. Tim Howard played against Swansea at this stage last season which seemed daft at the time, so it would be safe to guess Joel Robles will get another go here, which may mean at the very least your nearest of posts should be safe. Along side him at the back....well...whoever is fit probably. For a team who has 3 pretty decent left backs on the books we currently have none. Maybe Mason Holgate will get a game to show them what they've lost. Probably a bit too soon for Ramiro Funes Mori to get a game, should he sign as expected.
He looks so boss. Probably the defensive Denis Straqalursi though.
So the Capital Rumblelows Milk Coca Cola One Cup is here again. We might win it. We need to win it. 20 years is ridiculous. Bradford City have made it to the final of this competition while we play Francisco Junior as some sort of joke in the early rounds. Just stop it and snot everyone. Live on tele.
UP THE SWEAR WORDING TOFFEES
Like last year.
Arguably the grimmest of the grim nights last season, possibly Kiev away aside. Martinez waxed lyrical about being up for the League Cup, so started with Atsu (bless you), Alcaraz (we've finally escaped from him) and was the last we ever saw of Sylvain Distin. Honest to god, I'd love to know what him and Eto'o got up to. It always sounded like they tried some sort of coup de gras on Martinez but failed badly. Anyway, Everton lost out big style and took a tonking at Swansea. Bloody Swansea who have a trophy in recent years. A what? One of them shiney things we used to win loads of but haven't for time. Loads of time.
The draw this season has been at least a little kinder to us. As we take a trip to South Yorkshire for what people are calling the John Stones derby. And by people, I mean me.
You know what's weird? I'm scared of even putting that picture in as Chelsea will probably have bid £34.5m for Stones by the time this game comes around. I mean what are they playing at? Who starts bids at £20m, gets told to do one, but comes back time after time with bids that they must know won't work. Cockney fools.
Anyway, Barnsley.
Fresh off a 0-0 draw at home to Bradford on Saturday they'll be well up for this. Probably. To be honest I know little about current Barnsley FC. A quick glance down their squad on Wikipedia suggests few names of note. Not even a rickety old Premier League striker who would definitely score past us. DO ONE NIGEL JEMSON.
A name that stands out is Lewin Nyatanga. My limited knowledge of Welsh toga, recalls he has a couple or so caps for the country. But since they got good hasn't had too much of a look in. A couple of loan players from Man United, and as we well know they probably have a couple of decent young defenders that we will sign for £2.5m in a year or two and then sell to Chelsea for £1billion a year or so later.
I actually grew up in and around Sheffield. I always heard about Barnsley, but never ever heard one good reason to go there. It was like that place on the outskirts of Vegas where you can get married for $10 when you could nip in a bit further and have nice time for a few bucks more.
As a southern Everton fan I can probably get away with saying that Barnsley sounds like the most northern place in the country. The epitome of chips and gravy and thinking it's dead funny to sing 'It's just like watching Brazil' when they had a Swindon Town esque season in the Premier League what seems like ages ago. But they did snot Liverpool at Anfield so there is that. Ashley Ward? Think that was him. Probably set up by Neil Redfearn. Second only to Dean Windass in stereotypical northern lad done good.
So Everton. Started the season with a win, a draw, and a loss. A loss that was perhaps not unexpected, a draw that should be a win, and a win that nobody saw coming. I never bet on Everton games as a superstition thing rather than actual logic. But would you ever bet on Everton really? Anything could happen, and it usually does.
Speaking to some fans at the Southampton game the other week, everybody seemed to to agree on one thing (a rarity among fans). This competition must be taken seriously. Not that we didn't last year. Just that we were a bit crap. You'd want a strongish line up for this. Full strength? Does anyone even know what that is? I bet you Martinez doesn't know it. If he starts 2 defensive midfielders at Oakwell then you'd have to worry.
Some names should play. Besic, Mirallas and Deulofeu have barely has a kick so far this season, so expect them to come in and show they aren't Steven Naismith. Tim Howard played against Swansea at this stage last season which seemed daft at the time, so it would be safe to guess Joel Robles will get another go here, which may mean at the very least your nearest of posts should be safe. Along side him at the back....well...whoever is fit probably. For a team who has 3 pretty decent left backs on the books we currently have none. Maybe Mason Holgate will get a game to show them what they've lost. Probably a bit too soon for Ramiro Funes Mori to get a game, should he sign as expected.
He looks so boss. Probably the defensive Denis Straqalursi though.
So the Capital Rumblelows Milk Coca Cola One Cup is here again. We might win it. We need to win it. 20 years is ridiculous. Bradford City have made it to the final of this competition while we play Francisco Junior as some sort of joke in the early rounds. Just stop it and snot everyone. Live on tele.
UP THE SWEAR WORDING TOFFEES
