Never had the pleasure of meeting the man.The missus' cousins husband hung himself in the shed yesterday.Just found out now.Losing my arl fella the same way has brought things flooding back.Just need to be strong for her , who has hit the wine tonight.
Nice post there earwig. Pleased to say your wrong about being low, I'm not but you touched a nerve about holding your mams hand as she was dying. I really regret not doing it for my dad. I've been fortunate in many ways in my life, wife two grown up boys and a job I love. Don't know if you know but I'm a psychy nurse, been doing it for a long time and I love it because it keeps me grounded, in addition I often have a good laugh with my patients and it is very uplifting. Safely say it's my dream job. But there have been a couple of times in my life I've really let myself down and dad's death is one of them. I just on occasions keep returning to it. Your right about the regrets, we all have them, and as long as you try to learn / take something from them is the main thing. Cheers for the kind response, it's always nice to hear different viewpoints. Incidentally, my faith remains but sometimes I'm pushed to the limit and my faith in humanity gets sorely tested. Never mind, a conversation for another day. Take care m8 and thanks.
Your doing the right thing supporting your lass, it will always help you cope at the same time. Terrible news for everyone and in such tragic circumstances. As you know people cope with death differently and use different " techniques " to deal with the pain. It's going to be a difiacult few days Marnie but your doing the best thing for her, being there. Look after yourself as well. You may find this link helpfull. Hope things get better for you.
What is bereavement?
Read about what bereavement and grief are and how they affect different people, including anticipatory grief and secondary loss.
www.mind.org.uk
Thoughts are with you mate, look after her x
Earwigjoe
Player Valuation: £10m
Ffs you're just siding with the wife now she always tells me I'm wrong haha. I'm so glad I read it wrong buddy you do a great service on here. Although you did give me a laugh last night I seen you had a minus rep and was like how on earth has somebody neg repped you after all your advice then I seen you're a Newcastle fan I laughed out loud. All the best buddy.
Earwigjoe
Player Valuation: £10m
Sympathies to your wife mate I'm sure you'll look after her as will the rest of her family. but you look after yourself too mate what you went through must have been traumatic and horrifying all them memories coming back make sure you've someone to talk too also as people might not realise how this death is affecting you.
Cheers mate.I have had time to heal.She is and I am not going over the top in saying this ..... in bed and bladdered. Her mate will be here when I am not tomorrow.Many Thanks xxx
When my wife says something positive about me I see red flags, it's just not her. The wrong things with wives are the norm, happens to us all. Glad my football allegiance made you laugh. It's my " curse ". If I can help - in any way - I try. I have always said if you have peace of mind then your half way there. A lot of it really is life itself, things just " happen " and we are I'll prepared for it. Most of the time I think we can all deal with problems, but I'm sure you'll agree, people - me included - struggle when there is one thing after another and you think " how much more crap am I going to have to face." It gets too much for us. Wheyre just people, not infallible and we worry about things and cope differently. People will mostly, feel better if there is someone who cares and will listen. I often try to " normalise " things because people can think bad stuff just happens to them when as you know it happens to all of us. Anyway, I've babbled on too much. What I will say is that this forum has a lot of people on it who are willing to share their experiences - good and bad - and the advice given comes from people's " lived " experience. Take care and cheers.
helpimonfire
Player Valuation: £35m
Some truly amazing things go on in this thread. You guys are amazing.
I had a bad childhood and had an awful mum who tried to kill me. She controlled me and had me living in fear. Of course, it stayed with me through my life and I led to me having a lot of problems. I never had any confidence and thought I was useless and worthless. I wont go into it too much but I started doing odd things, compulsions!. I believed everything bad that happened in the world was caused by me, I was even once convinced I must be Satan's son. I was hypervigilant (I still am a bit today) always watching and waiting for danger. It was mental health issues brought on by what I had gone through, but I had no idea I had them. I just got on with life and managed to get through until 5 years ago when i basically had a break down. I was diagnosed with Thought based OCD and Complex PTSD. I also had depression. The one good thing was that I now knew why I ticked the way haht I did. I had a lot of counselling, and medication. In the end I had to undergo trauma therapy, and that is tough to go through. However, it turns on the lighbulbs and takes away some of the demons, but not the memories. I am Ok today, I still struggle at times and I have bad days. But they a rare now and I do not go to the dark places I once used to. I had attempted suicide twice and lived with suicidal thoughts for most of my life. I still get those thoughts but they have no power now and I can easily let them pass. The last two years have been the happiest of my life really. I now do things I have always wanted to do. I travelled to a few places in Europe last year on my own and I loved it. I always thought that I would never be able to drive a car, I would be stupid at it, but now I am waiting for the provisional licence to arrive and I am looking forward to the lessons. I have started going to concerts again (I love music) and have returned to Goodison after a period away. I lost my love of things, but I have them back now and they are very much appreciated. My life was strange. I was the joker who made everyone laugh, but taht was my wall of protection.I managed to work and get married and have a kid. I played in a band when I was younger and I have had books published, But I was always trying to get away from people, always wanting to be alone. I always knew something was different in me but would never open up about it. I would lose weeks and months and can remember nothing about them. I could go to work or shopping and recall nothing as my mind would be elsewhere and I was just getting by in robot mode. I went to the darkest places, places I hope my worst enemy never goes. But I came through and some amazing people helped me along the way. I am a very laid back person now as stress almost ruined me. Mindfulness has been amazing for me. I sometimes wonder how I managed to get through life, but I am glad that I did. I have a wonderful son who is my whole life and he is the reason I am still here today, he is the reason I finally sought out the help I needed. I enjoy life now. I have commented on this thread a couple of times in the past but never really explained my own situation. I read this thread a lot and it has helped me in the past. I am putting this here in case anyone else is going through anything similar. If you are then feel free to talk to me here or message me. I am no expert and can only tell you my own experiences. But I will support you if i can. Trust me for I know, silence feeds these conditions. You have to open up. Speak up, talk to somebody. There is help out there. I cannot believe how much my life changed, and so much for the better. I never thought I would be happy but I truly am now. Please talk to someone
Sorry for waffling on. I just felt the need to post this.
I had a bad childhood and had an awful mum who tried to kill me. She controlled me and had me living in fear. Of course, it stayed with me through my life and I led to me having a lot of problems. I never had any confidence and thought I was useless and worthless. I wont go into it too much but I started doing odd things, compulsions!. I believed everything bad that happened in the world was caused by me, I was even once convinced I must be Satan's son. I was hypervigilant (I still am a bit today) always watching and waiting for danger. It was mental health issues brought on by what I had gone through, but I had no idea I had them. I just got on with life and managed to get through until 5 years ago when i basically had a break down. I was diagnosed with Thought based OCD and Complex PTSD. I also had depression. The one good thing was that I now knew why I ticked the way haht I did. I had a lot of counselling, and medication. In the end I had to undergo trauma therapy, and that is tough to go through. However, it turns on the lighbulbs and takes away some of the demons, but not the memories. I am Ok today, I still struggle at times and I have bad days. But they a rare now and I do not go to the dark places I once used to. I had attempted suicide twice and lived with suicidal thoughts for most of my life. I still get those thoughts but they have no power now and I can easily let them pass. The last two years have been the happiest of my life really. I now do things I have always wanted to do. I travelled to a few places in Europe last year on my own and I loved it. I always thought that I would never be able to drive a car, I would be stupid at it, but now I am waiting for the provisional licence to arrive and I am looking forward to the lessons. I have started going to concerts again (I love music) and have returned to Goodison after a period away. I lost my love of things, but I have them back now and they are very much appreciated. My life was strange. I was the joker who made everyone laugh, but taht was my wall of protection.I managed to work and get married and have a kid. I played in a band when I was younger and I have had books published, But I was always trying to get away from people, always wanting to be alone. I always knew something was different in me but would never open up about it. I would lose weeks and months and can remember nothing about them. I could go to work or shopping and recall nothing as my mind would be elsewhere and I was just getting by in robot mode. I went to the darkest places, places I hope my worst enemy never goes. But I came through and some amazing people helped me along the way. I am a very laid back person now as stress almost ruined me. Mindfulness has been amazing for me. I sometimes wonder how I managed to get through life, but I am glad that I did. I have a wonderful son who is my whole life and he is the reason I am still here today, he is the reason I finally sought out the help I needed. I enjoy life now. I have commented on this thread a couple of times in the past but never really explained my own situation. I read this thread a lot and it has helped me in the past. I am putting this here in case anyone else is going through anything similar. If you are then feel free to talk to me here or message me. I am no expert and can only tell you my own experiences. But I will support you if i can. Trust me for I know, silence feeds these conditions. You have to open up. Speak up, talk to somebody. There is help out there. I cannot believe how much my life changed, and so much for the better. I never thought I would be happy but I truly am now. Please talk to someone
Sorry for waffling on. I just felt the need to post this.
Earwigjoe
Player Valuation: £10m
You're sorry for waffling on and think people in here are amazing... Mate I think you're amazing I'd love to shake your hand or raise it in the air you're a champion. Your sons got a warrior for a dad.I don't know what else to say mate I'm just in awe of how you got through all that shoite and came out victorious you should be so proud of yourself I am and I don't even know you. I'm glad you posted all of that and how you came through it all - your struggles will inspire loads reading to keep fighting, I used to read this thread all the time before I signed up and peoples stories and advice given really helped me through some real dark times. Their struggles and successs can be the inspiration for others to get through their hard times - it also let's you know YOU'RE NEVER alone. I'm really glad you posted and really do think you're amazing. God bless champ.
Don't burn bridges but also don't do anything more than you want to at the same time.
helpimonfire
Player Valuation: £35m
Thank you, very kind of you to say. I am in a good place now mate. I wanted to post tos how othere that there is hope no matter how nad things seem.
Very obvious you have character having gone through all of the stuff you mentioned. I would have imagined the issues you have are on going. Mentioned to earwig yesterday it's about people's " lived experience ". It never ceases to amaze me how resilient people are. I hope you continue to remain positive, remember everyone recovers differently and I'm sure you can offer people sound advice. Good luck, I hope you remain contented.
