Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[LydiateLee]

*wishes he was as handsome as Lee

You must have me mixed up with someone else

 

[MrD]

@MrD Okay here goes. Between July 2015 and September 2017 this was my journey:

- Split up with wife of 7 years
- My daughters (then aged 7 and 4) moved out with her, I couldn't even look at their empty room without breaking down
- Ex wife meets someone after a matter of weeks, turns out she was seeing him before we split up
- Starts bringing this fella to her new house where my kids were after a couple of months, when they were still confused and adapting to me not being there
- Ex wife files a court injunction against me for challenging her actions (not aggressively or in any way illegally, as any decent dad would do)
- Slip in to depression, drinking on week nights to numb the pain. Pain only ever eased a little (temporarily) when my girls came to stay 2 nights a week
- Became a 'serial dater' after 6 months or so, spent weekends meeting different girls when I clearly wasn't ready, nowhere near it and had no intentions of bringing anyone in to my daughters' lives.
- Work then suffered, had too much going on in my personal life to cope with demands of my management role. Got no support from my employer and ended up resigning.
- Had to sell the marital home as part of divorce and moved back in with my parents aged 33.
-To top it all off my 24 year old cousin was tragically killed in Sri Lanka by a crocodile (see my avatar), shattering our family

My life fell to pieces.

But here I am. I just stayed. I didn't give up. It was a horrible horrible time in my life but it made me so much stronger.

Today I am engaged to a beautiful, caring woman, the undoubted love of my life. My daughters are happy and settled and stay with me half the week. I am on ok terms with my ex. I have a great new job which is going great. My relationship with my family is better than ever as I learned to appreciate what I have after losing so much.

Hang in there.

In a perverse way that is a lovely bulletin of your past. Sounds awful but the end made me smile.

I'm made up things are better for you and you have a good job and a good woman.

I won't ever have a good job but hopefully I'll have the rest of it.

Made up for you mate.

So what’s your current state of play?

Are you still at a low ebb or are you on the mend and on the up?

still low mate. Finding it all hard as it's just everything has come at once. But I know that it'll soon start to turn around. Slowly, very slowly things will get better. Even if it takes years.

I'm with my little girl for the next 2 days and everything is better when I'm with her.

Thanks for asking. Hope you're ok too.

 

[MrD]

Is it some adversity in your life....sure.... disappointment is a bit harsh. Its life. Crazy stuff happens. As long as you keep that chin up, help yourself from this point on, we are all very proud of you. Even just from a week ago, it seems like your outlook has changed towards the positive. Start small and work your way up. Like we talked about... all about the baby steps. Tiny goals that turn into big goals/outlooks. Mr. D we are all proud of you for everything since you started sharing and we are all looking forward to the counseling sessions. Don't let anyone talk down on you. You have a lot left to offer. Hell, just our little chats bring me joy throughout the day and im sure im not the only one here

Thanks for the kind words as usual Grinch. You have a lot more faith in me than I do hehe.

 

[Jimishorts]

I'm looking at a bedsit near my ex. Grim. Doesn't have a fridge, oven or anything

Loads of stuff available online, people literally throwing away useable item because they’ve upgraded. Fridges, freezers toasters, coffee machines, panini presses all for free (I kid you not). Lots of folks want rid of stuff. While you’ve still got internet maybe check out some site like Freecycle, Freegle, don’t dump that and gumtree. I’ve picked up two leather tub chairs a fridge/freezer and an exercise bike all free, people are just happy for you to take them away. I think I recall you had an estate car so you should be able to set your self up fo minimal outlay. Charity shops also have a wealth of furniture and white goods.

As for internet get yourself down to the library for free access, I’ve sat in the local apple store for free internet before now. If you’re without a phone I’m sure one of the lads on here has a spare one sat in the back of a drawer somewhere then you just pay as you go.

There’s always a solution.

Keep battling @MrD.

 

[COYBL25]

Loads of stuff available online, people literally throwing away useable item because they’ve upgraded. Fridges, freezers toasters, coffee machines, panini presses all for free (I kid you not). Lots of folks want rid of stuff. While you’ve still got internet maybe check out some site like Freecycle, Freegle, don’t dump that and gumtree. I’ve picked up two leather tub chairs a fridge/freezer and an exercise bike all free, people are just happy for you to take them away. I think I recall you had an estate car so you should be able to set your self up fo minimal outlay. Charity shops also have a wealth of furniture and white goods.

As for internet get yourself down to the library for free access, I’ve sat in the local apple store for free internet before now. If you’re without a phone I’m sure one of the lads on here has a spare one sat in the back of a drawer somewhere then you just pay as you go.

There’s always a solution.

Keep battling @MrD.

There`s a site called - Freebay.

People just want stuff out of their house and are happy to give it away - fridges, sofas, washing machines etc

 

[MrD]

Loads of stuff available online, people literally throwing away useable item because they’ve upgraded. Fridges, freezers toasters, coffee machines, panini presses all for free (I kid you not). Lots of folks want rid of stuff. While you’ve still got internet maybe check out some site like Freecycle, Freegle, don’t dump that and gumtree. I’ve picked up two leather tub chairs a fridge/freezer and an exercise bike all free, people are just happy for you to take them away. I think I recall you had an estate car so you should be able to set your self up fo minimal outlay. Charity shops also have a wealth of furniture and white goods.

As for internet get yourself down to the library for free access, I’ve sat in the local apple store for free internet before now. If you’re without a phone I’m sure one of the lads on here has a spare one sat in the back of a drawer somewhere then you just pay as you go.

There’s always a solution.

Keep battling @MrD.

I'll certainly look on those sites. Thanks mate.

I do have a phone, only pay as you go like. Don't use the internet on it much as pay as you go data is pretty much a rip off. Yeah I'll be down the library too!

There`s a site called - Freebay.

People just want stuff out of their house and are happy to give it away - fridges, sofas, washing machines etc

I'll check it out when I find a place. Thanks mate

 

[Jimishorts]

There`s a site called - Freebay.

People just want stuff out of their house and are happy to give it away - fridges, sofas, washing machines etc

I’m sitting here on a 2nd hand sofa with a 2nd hand sideboard total outlay £0, folks were happy for me to have them just so they didn’t have to bother dumping them.

 

[COYBL25]

I'll certainly look on those sites. Thanks mate.

I do have a phone, only pay as you go like. Don't use the internet on it much as pay as you go data is pretty much a rip off. Yeah I'll be down the library too!

I'll check it out when I find a place. Thanks mate

A girl I know used to get stuff off Freebay all the time - furniture in particular.

 

[MrD]

I’m sitting here on a 2nd hand sofa with a 2nd hand sideboard total outlay £0, folks were happy for me to have them just so they didn’t have to bother dumping them.

I myself over the years have got rid of all sorts of furniture and white goods. Wish I had them all back now!

 

[Frang]

I'll certainly look on those sites. Thanks mate.

I do have a phone, only pay as you go like. Don't use the internet on it much as pay as you go data is pretty much a rip off. Yeah I'll be down the library too!

I'll check it out when I find a place. Thanks mate

Get a guff gaff sim card for your phone

£10 a month gets you unlimited txt and calls plus 3mb of Internet, which lasts me a month.

 

[LydiateLee]

@MrD if you do get your own gaff I’ve a few bits you can have for free pal, big cuddle couch, slow cooker, bike for your daughter, all barely touched. I wouldn’t give you anything crap. Just say and it’s yours.

 

[Disgruntledgoat]

It's not a weird question mate. In 12 months time I'd like to be working, living in a half decent place and have stuff around me and not sleeping on an air bed etc.

If I'm single so be it, I just hope I'm happier than I am now. As for friends, well I guess you get friends through work and socializing so who knows, at the moment being social doesn't sound too inviting.

In 12 months I want to be living and not hiding. Helping people with advice myself if I can. I want my little girl to be happy too.

My mum is just what she is. She's always treated me like crap and even if she doesn't understand mental health her approach to me, albeit stern and a well intended kick up the arse doesn't help really.

I'm sure I need someone to force me into action but there are ways of doing it. I don't hate her.

She was saying how disappointed she is that I let all this happen. So add that onto how bad I feel about it all anyway, especially the regret I'm struggling with just hasn't made me feel better.

Your ambitions for yourself are definitely attainable, very healthy and super positive.

I wish you all the best and add my name to the already long list fellow blues who have put their hand out to offer you support. I've been in a similar situation myself, so feel free to PM.

 

[MrD]

@MrD if you do get your own gaff I’ve a few bits you can have for free pal, big cuddle couch, slow cooker, bike for your daughter, all barely touched. I wouldn’t give you anything crap. Just say and it’s yours.

Thanks so much mate. I'll let you know what's what when I find somewhere. So generous thank you.

Your ambitions for yourself are definitely attainable, very healthy and super positive.

I wish you all the best and add my name to the already long list fellow blues who have put their hand out to offer you support. I've been in a similar situation myself, so feel free to PM.

Thanks for that mate. So many amazingly kind people in here. Thank you.

If any of you has a job you can give me that would be great hehe. Something at about 35 grand a year please ta

 

[Tim's tourettes]

Restores my faith in humanity coming in here!

 

[MrD]

Went out to the car this morning. Flat tyre. Massive screw right trough the shoulder.

Brand new tyre it was too. Bought it last week for the mot. You couldn't make it up!

Driving around with the stupid looking space saver wheel on the back. Gonna have to order the tyre for it that matches the other 3. More money down the pan.