Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Frang]

Maybe you just need to make a concerted effort to find a new vice then, Frank? Try some new hobbies or follow a new interest that can replace your Friday/Saturday night in the pub? I’m sure you won’t want that to be your weekend routine forever and there’s no time like the present to make a change.

I personally spent every Thursday, Friday & Saturday on the sesh for years in my early 20’s but now I’m just bored of it and only go out when it’s a birthday or special occasion. I still struggle with FOMO (fear of missing out) when my friends go out but I’d much rather feel that than dreadful hangovers, horrid diets & massive sinks in my bank balance.

Most Saturday nights now I try till with foreign football (why I got into it in the first place), doing my Warhammer models, visiting grandparents etc. Some might look at it and think I’m being boring not going out or that I’m isolating myself but they don’t see the bigger picture.

to be fair ive tried all that .. its a very hard rut to get out of it.

I still actually love going out and having the criac etc etc .. it isn't really a problem to anyone barring myself.

its just recently got a bit out of hand

 

[The Missing Lineker]

it is a little bit like that , I have a drink problem , where I cantjust go out for 2 or 3 , ive always abused alcoh, whenever I go out its till im blind drunk basically.

its always been the same , and all my friends are exactly the same. to get out of the rut id have to lose all my life friends which im not going to do.

just recently though I have been hitting it quite hard and plus going all weird on what I can only assume is the meds im on too.

im just trying to find a happy medium for me.

ive suffered hangovers all my life, so understand what they are and how to cope with them.

i can go days , even weeks without drink, but then when I go out its properly out . I don't think I will ever change , ive tried several times but I cant do it

Ok, so you’re not dependent on alcohol, you think, but you use it as a crutch to cope with boredom?

Alcohol is a depressant. I’m afraid there’s no escaping that brutal reality. It’s countering the effects of your antidepressants so you’ll never feel the full benefit of the medication, whichever one you use. There’s no happy medium in this scenario except drastically moderating your alcohol intake by avoiding these harmful binges.

Have a read of this perhaps you’ll find it helpful

Alcohol and depression | Royal College of Psychiatrists

Information for older people who are worried about their drinking or alcohol consumption, and their family and friends.

www.rcpsych.ac.uk

Have a chat with your drinking buddies after you’ve read the above guidance. You’ll find they’ll support you in your efforts and not dump you.

 

[COYBL25]

it is a little bit like that , I have a drink problem , where I cantjust go out for 2 or 3 , ive always abused alcoh, whenever I go out its till im blind drunk basically.

its always been the same , and all my friends are exactly the same. to get out of the rut id have to lose all my life friends which im not going to do.

just recently though I have been hitting it quite hard and plus going all weird on what I can only assume is the meds im on too.

im just trying to find a happy medium for me.

ive suffered hangovers all my life, so understand what they are and how to cope with them.

i can go days , even weeks without drink, but then when I go out its properly out . I don't think I will ever change , ive tried several times but I cant do it

I used to be the same Frank, but the crushing hangovers combined with the horrendous downer the day afterwards became too much to bear in the end.

You can’t change over night, but given time you can.

Drink lower strength stuff, don’t go in rounds, so you dictate your own pace.

It’s as much about breaking the habits you instinctively associate with drinking, as it as about cutting down.

 

[Frang]

I used to be the same Frank, but the crushing hangovers combined with the horrendous downer the day afterwards became too much to bear in the end.

You can’t change over night, but given time you can.

Drink lower strength stuff, don’t go in rounds, so you dictate your own pace.

It’s as much about breaking the habits you instinctively associate with drinking, as it as about cutting down.

Just recently I've been drinking the higher percentage stuff, which has had an adverse affect, bigtime.

Think i'l go on the lesser percentage stuff again

 

[COYBL25]

Just recently I've been drinking the higher percentage stuff, which has had an adverse affect, bigtime.

Think i'l go on the lesser percentage stuff again

Peer pressure plays a big part too - “ go on have another, you’ve become boring etc etc “

If you stand your ground and can suffer the name calling for a few weeks. They’ll eventually give up and accept that’s the way things are.

 

[AmericasToffee]

Disclaimer: I'm not an expert. I've just done a lot of reading and this is what it seems like to me from the research.

BigBlueNose, I think I see what you're saying. You don't want to give up on friends who currently do those things you do. Short term and long term - continuing to do those things will stall any improvement you hope to see. ADs are a recovery aid, not a miracle cure. Seems to me that it comes down to: do you want to be in the state that you are currently in for the foreseeable future or do you want change? Big changes are scary. I won't deny that. Friends that try to hold you back from a better life aren't friends, in my opinion. There are billions of other people on the planet outside of your current circle of friends if they try to guilt you into staying your current course.

The idea of things being boring aside from drinking comes from the body adapting to such highs brought on by alcohol, drugs, etc (called tolerance and maybe even anhedonia, both of which can be reversed) which are orders of magnitude more dopamine releasing than the everyday rewards. A person's reward system is so spoiled by the drink and such that normal life seems boring.

I do hope for the best for you - peace, happiness, the whole shebang. Courage, @BigBlueNose.

 

[Frang]

Disclaimer: I'm not an expert. I've just done a lot of reading and this is what it seems like to me from the research.

BigBlueNose, I think I see what you're saying. You don't want to give up on friends who currently do those things you do. Short term and long term - continuing to do those things will stall any improvement you hope to see. ADs are a recovery aid, not a miracle cure. Seems to me that it comes down to: do you want to be in the state that you are currently in for the foreseeable future or do you want change? Big changes are scary. I won't deny that. Friends that try to hold you back from a better life aren't friends, in my opinion. There are billions of other people on the planet outside of your current circle of friends if they try to guilt you into staying your current course.

The idea of things being boring aside from drinking comes from the body adapting to such highs brought on by alcohol, drugs, etc (called tolerance and maybe even anhedonia, both of which can be reversed) which are orders of magnitude more dopamine releasing than the everyday rewards. A person's reward system is so spoiled by the drink and such that normal life seems boring.

I do hope for the best for you - peace, happiness, the whole shebang. Courage, @BigBlueNose.

thanks toffee

 

[MrD]

Anyone been on sertraline 50mg? I was given it yesterday and even after just one last night it has really made me feel worse.

My life has gone totally down the pan the past week. I'm facing harsh and embarrassingly hard to swallow truths.

I've knowingly done nothing for 18 years to help get better. This last week my relationship ended with the girl I'm so in love with it hurts. My actions has split up my little girls mum and dad.

I've been left with nothing. And I do mean nothing.

And the hardest part of it all is that I knew this would happen. I let it. I thought it was fear stopping me, I just couldn't face it. My anxiety got pretty bad when a change was facing me I lied and shouted and complained to keep me in my comfort zone.

I'm feeling so much guilt and regret it is killing me. I had the power to change but it was just too easy to avoid it. I feel ashamed and lazy.

This week though has also shown me that there was an underlying mental issue there too I'm just terrified if it was stopping me from help or was I just deluded and lazy.

My head is battered. I'm going back and forth and I can't face this. I can't do it. I'm either lazy or totally broken.

The thought of ending it all is here and it is pestering me. I know I won't. But it would be a way to stop the way I feel and what I have to face.

I totally have to start from the bottom. I had it all and I [Poor language removed] it up. Perfect woman, perfect little girl between us.

@barmcake has been messaging me so I want to thank him for that.

 

[Deleted member 28206]

Anyone been on sertraline 50mg? I was given it yesterday and even after just one last night it has really made me feel worse.

My life has gone totally down the pan the past week. I'm facing harsh and embarrassingly hard to swallow truths.

I've knowingly done nothing for 18 years to help get better. This last week my relationship ended with the girl I'm so in love with it hurts. My actions has split up my little girls mum and dad.

I've been left with nothing. And I do mean nothing.

And the hardest part of it all is that I knew this would happen. I let it. I thought it was fear stopping me, I just couldn't face it. My anxiety got pretty bad when a change was facing me I lied and shouted and complained to keep me in my comfort zone.

I'm feeling so much guilt and regret it is killing me. I had the power to change but it was just too easy to avoid it. I feel ashamed and lazy.

This week though has also shown me that there was an underlying mental issue there too I'm just terrified if it was stopping me from help or was I just deluded and lazy.

My head is battered. I'm going back and forth and I can't face this. I can't do it. I'm either lazy or totally broken.

The thought of ending it all is here and it is pestering me. I know I won't. But it would be a way to stop the way I feel and what I have to face.

I totally have to start from the bottom. I had it all and I [Poor language removed] it up. Perfect woman, perfect little girl between us.

@barmcake has been messaging me so I want to thank him for that.

I’ve been exactly where you are mate. I left the family home and was on meds too. It may feel like the end of the world I promise it’s not. As for being left with nothing I had to move into a flat and sleep on a sofa for a few weeks whilst I saved up to furnish the place. So I totally empathise with you.

The fact you’ve mentioned you have knowingly done some damage maybe suggests some recovery is in there, it’s hard really hard I won’t ever recover I’m accepted my position and maybe that’s part of the recovery? You should 100% keep in touch with the childs mum whilst you are moving apart and make sure you speak with your GP telling them you’ve separated too, bear your soul (if you can) to your GP it’s confidential and will help them to help you.

Don’t give up mate. If I can get through this. I’m sure and hopeful you can.

 

[MrD]

I’ve been exactly where you are mate. I left the family home and was on meds too. It may feel like the end of the world I promise it’s not. As for being left with nothing I had to move into a flat and sleep on a sofa for a few weeks whilst I saved up to furnish the place. So I totally empathise with you.

The fact you’ve mentioned you have knowingly done some damage maybe suggests some recovery is in there, it’s hard really hard I won’t ever recover I’m accepted my position and maybe that’s part of the recovery? You should 100% keep in touch with the childs mum whilst you are moving apart and make sure you speak with your GP telling them you’ve separated too, bear your soul (if you can) to your GP it’s confidential and will help them to help you.

Don’t give up mate. If I can get through this. I’m sure and hopeful you can.

I don't even own a plate or anything. I must have enjoyed being this way if I didn't do enough to get help or fix it. I must be lazy I must be.

I don't have a job, I've not worked for many years. My CV is shocking and I ain't got a penny.

I could go on to the point that people on here and everyone else who would hear about it would end up saying I deserve it.

It's too much to face so quickly. I'm in shock.

I asked the doctor to refer me to speak to someone. I'm just petrified that they will tell me it was all my fault even though I know that I'm still avoiding reality it seems.

I really don't feel able to do this. I just can't be bothered. I just want to go somewhere and sleep for a long time.

As for keeping in touch with my ex it kills me seeing her. I just want to touch her and be with her. I really do love her. She has totally fell out of love with me though.

I also adore my little girl but she deserves so much better than me.

 

[AmericasToffee]

Anyone been on sertraline 50mg? I was given it yesterday and even after just one last night it has really made me feel worse.

My life has gone totally down the pan the past week. I'm facing harsh and embarrassingly hard to swallow truths.

I've knowingly done nothing for 18 years to help get better. This last week my relationship ended with the girl I'm so in love with it hurts. My actions has split up my little girls mum and dad.

I've been left with nothing. And I do mean nothing.

And the hardest part of it all is that I knew this would happen. I let it. I thought it was fear stopping me, I just couldn't face it. My anxiety got pretty bad when a change was facing me I lied and shouted and complained to keep me in my comfort zone.

I'm feeling so much guilt and regret it is killing me. I had the power to change but it was just too easy to avoid it. I feel ashamed and lazy.

This week though has also shown me that there was an underlying mental issue there too I'm just terrified if it was stopping me from help or was I just deluded and lazy.

My head is battered. I'm going back and forth and I can't face this. I can't do it. I'm either lazy or totally broken.

The thought of ending it all is here and it is pestering me. I know I won't. But it would be a way to stop the way I feel and what I have to face.

I totally have to start from the bottom. I had it all and I [Poor language removed] it up. Perfect woman, perfect little girl between us.

@barmcake has been messaging me so I want to thank him for that.

It never really stops friend. You would just pass those emotions or similar emotions on to someone else. You are never alone or unloved, as much as it may feel that way.

 

[Jokerdan]

Anyone been on sertraline 50mg? I was given it yesterday and even after just one last night it has really made me feel worse.

My life has gone totally down the pan the past week. I'm facing harsh and embarrassingly hard to swallow truths.

I've knowingly done nothing for 18 years to help get better. This last week my relationship ended with the girl I'm so in love with it hurts. My actions has split up my little girls mum and dad.

I've been left with nothing. And I do mean nothing.

And the hardest part of it all is that I knew this would happen. I let it. I thought it was fear stopping me, I just couldn't face it. My anxiety got pretty bad when a change was facing me I lied and shouted and complained to keep me in my comfort zone.

I'm feeling so much guilt and regret it is killing me. I had the power to change but it was just too easy to avoid it. I feel ashamed and lazy.

This week though has also shown me that there was an underlying mental issue there too I'm just terrified if it was stopping me from help or was I just deluded and lazy.

My head is battered. I'm going back and forth and I can't face this. I can't do it. I'm either lazy or totally broken.

The thought of ending it all is here and it is pestering me. I know I won't. But it would be a way to stop the way I feel and what I have to face.

I totally have to start from the bottom. I had it all and I [Poor language removed] it up. Perfect woman, perfect little girl between us.

@barmcake has been messaging me so I want to thank him for that.

1) They take summat like 4-6 weeks to really kick in. They are not s quick fix and you need to persevere
2) instead of going into denial and blaming the world you are facing up to your issues and the reasons behind your split so that is an immense positive
3) it is a frightening experience suddenly being on your own and no longer in the family home but with professional help you can rebuild your life. It can also be very liberating and aside from your daughter you may come to realise that your relationship was on the wain and you just didn't realise
4) it can be a very salutory but also very positive experience. Time by yourself - and it can seem lonely initially - may also afford time for a little introspection. An opportunity to get your head and feelings sorted and plan for a new tomorrow
5) who is to say that you and your ex will not get back together when she sees and realises you are becoming a new person?

Sometimes we become complacent and comfortable with what we have and overlook the importance of working at relationships.

Stay positive - there are a lot of us who are and have been in your shoes and come out the other side. Good luck.

 

[LydiateLee]

1) They take summat like 4-6 weeks to really kick in. They are not s quick fix and you need to persevere
2) instead of going into denial and blaming the world you are facing up to your issues and the reasons behind your split so that is an immense positive
3) it is a frightening experience suddenly being on your own and no longer in the family home but with professional help you can rebuild your life. It can also be very liberating and aside from your daughter you may come to realise that your relationship was on the wain and you just didn't realise
4) it can be a very salutory but also very positive experience. Time by yourself - and it can seem lonely initially - may also afford time for a little introspection. An opportunity to get your head and feelings sorted and plan for a new tomorrow
5) who is to say that you and your ex will not get back together when she sees and realises you are becoming a new person?

Sometimes we become complacent and comfortable with what we have and overlook the importance of working at relationships.

Stay positive - there are a lot of us who are and have been in your shoes and come out the other side. Good luck.

Absolutely spot on.

I am one of them.

I went from marriage, two kids, family home, family dog, stable job, to absolute chaos in the blink of an eye.

Suddenly I found myself back in my old room at my mum and dads, seeing my two daughters (who I live for) only 2 nights a week, making mistakes in my management role which led to me leaving as I knew I wasn't coping, lonely as hell and wondering what on earth had happened.

I went through spells where I didn't want to be here and also blamed myself heavily for how I'd ended up. I felt guilt that I'd put my daughters through their parents separating and started acting out of character - drinking more during the week, skipping the gym, fell out with friends and family. It was a truly horrible time of my life.

BUT....

Time heals. I worked on myself very much like the lad above seems to be. I got counselling. I tried to be as amicable as I could be with my ex for the sake of our kids. I took responsibility for my part in what had gone on and promised myself I'd never make same mistakes twice and committed to keeping that promise.
I realised my marriage was a very unhappy one and I wasn't with the right woman, and that no amount of effort would have made a difference. I'd made the right choice long term.

Fast forward just 4 years and I am engaged to the love of my life, my kids are settled, happy and in a routine. My new fiancee has a much better version of me and I have a trusted circle around me consisting of people who I love and trust.

Bad times do happen and it's easy to think you are the only one experiencing them. Take heart in the fact that others have too and come out the other side.

 

[MrD]

I know everything that I hearing from you all is true. At this moment now, Im 41. Haven't worked for 18 years. I have no money, no job and no anything so the positivity is lost on me.

I'm mortally ashamed of that. I buried my head for 18 years, not 1, 3 or 4 years. 18.

I don't have a single friend. I don't have savings or a job to start me off. I have zero apart from BluRays and DVDs, a few [Poor language removed] clothes and that's it.

I could move back with my mum but we clash and it's about 90 minutes away from my.little girl.

The reality that I have to find a way to stay around here by her and live in some utter hellhole of a bedsit if I can get one or go to my mum's and at least be in a nice house but we clash. Either way is grim. Especially at 41, I should have a career, halfway through a mortgage and be a real man.

I want a job, I do, I want to be better I want to be a good dad. I want my little family back with my two special women.

I'm in total shock and I am struggling. It's embarrassing.

 

[LydiateLee]

I know everything that I hearing from you all is true. At this moment now, Im 41. Haven't worked for 18 years. I have no money, no job and no anything so the positivity is lost on me.

I'm mortally ashamed of that. I buried my head for 18 years, not 1, 3 or 4 years. 18.

I'm in total shock and I am struggling. It's embarrassing.

Mate I convinced myself I was happy for 11 years with my ex Mrs when in fact all I did was argue, and the time I wasn't arguing I was out acting like a single lad and being a complete divy.

We all make mistakes, doesn't matter how long for. The past is gone, you can make these changes if you choose to and want to change enough.

Come on, get up, dust yourself down and fight back. You have a daughter who is relying on you. You can do this mate, surround yourself with those you love.