Summer Transfer Window 2019

[caught]

Juventus: we want 40 million and a buy back clause.
Brands: NO.. we'll give you 30 million
Juventus: ok 30 but we still want a buy back clause.
Brands: it's 30 million and no clause, do you want this deal to happen or not?
Juventus: ok deal.

That's really nothing like how it went at all. Here's the transcript:

Juventus: Ciao Mr Brands

Brands: *Heavy breathing*

Juventus: Mr Brands?

Brands: ... uh, huh, hello?

Juventus: Mr Brands! Hi! We were wondering if you would like Mandzukic for one season?

Brands: Hurrgh!. What? Who?

Juventus: Mandzukic, Mr Brands! Top class Croatian striker.

Brands: a/s/l?

Juventus: What?

Brands: Agurrrrr. You know what I'm asking.

Juventus: Oh. Erm, 33, male, Turin.

Brands: no. You have any teenagers?

Juventus: Che cosa?

Brands: Adolescente!

Juventus: Um, well we have one but not that we would part with.

Brands: I want him.

Juventus: Mr Brands, I'm sorry but we...

Brands: I shall take him.

Juventus: Mr Brands! This is inapp...

Brands: He is taken.

Juventus: Mr Brands you cannot just claim he is taken and it be so! There is a complex process to a transfer beteween clubs, as you well kno...

Brands: Urghhh! Check Twitter.

Juventus: What? Why would we want to... oh Dio!

Brands: Say it.

Juventus: This cannot be....

Brands: SAY IT

Juventus: "Moist Ken is a bloo"... this cannot be!

Brands: I took him at "Ciao".

Juventus: This is heartbreaking Mr Brands! You cannot do thi...

Brands: He is mine. Now ask me.

Juventus: Ask you what?

Brands: Ask me.

Juventus: Mr brands? I do not know what you are...

Brands: ASK ME!

Juventus: Very well Mr Brands! Very well! What were those sounds?

Brands: Describe the sounds.

Juventus: "uh", "hurrr", "agurrr", etc.

Brands: What would you like to know?

Juventus: You asked me to ask!

Brands: And now tell me.

Juventus: Tell you what?

Brands: Tell me what the sounds were.

Juventus: Mr Brands, you asked me to ask! I have no idea!

Brands: Your boy is mine. I have taken all that you love. Tell me.

Juventus: Mr Brands!

Brands: TELL ME

Juventus: It was you ploughing mia madre wasn't it?

Brands: And I wasn't even erect when I did it.

Juventus: Mr Brands, what you have done seems unnecessary.

Brands: I think you need to speak to your mother.

Juventus: Is she still there.

Brands: Yes (passes phone)

Juve's mum: Mio caro?

Juventus: Mia madre? Is that really you?

Juve's mum: Sì

Juventus: What have you done?

Juve's mum: I've taken it in three holes from Mr Brands while he signed Moise Kean.

Juventus: OH MAMA! WHY?

Juve's mum: You're too young to understand.

Juventus: Did you at least get him to insert a buy back clause?

Juve's mum: Yes, he inserted a buy back clause.

Juventus: Really? Oh well, at least that's some good news.

Juve's mum: Wait, my English is not perfect: when you say 'buy back clause' do you mean nine fingers and a wheel of edam?

Juventus: NO MAMA! I mean a contractual agreement to re-sign Moise in a year or two!

Juve's mum: Ah. No. He just inserted nine fingers and a wheel of edam.

Juventus: MAMAAAAAA!

Brands: Is there a problem?

Juventus: Are you now my papa?

Brands: I'll never be papa. *hangs up*

 

[Connor]

That's really nothing like how it went at all. Here's the transcript:

Juventus: Ciao Mr Brands

Brands: *Heavy breathing*

Juventus: Mr Brands?

Brands: ... uh, huh, hello?

Juventus: Mr Brands! Hi! We were wondering if you would like Mandzukic for one season?

Brands: Hurrgh!. What? Who?

Juventus: Mandzukic, Mr Brands! Top class Croatian striker.

Brands: a/s/l?

Juventus: What?

Brands: Agurrrrr. You know what I'm asking.

Juventus: Oh. Erm, 33, male, Turin.

Brands: no. You have any teenagers?

Juventus: Che cosa?

Brands: Adolescente!

Juventus: Um, well we have one but not that we would part with.

Brands: I want him.

Juventus: Mr Brands, I'm sorry but we...

Brands: I shall take him.

Juventus: Mr Brands! This is inapp...

Brands: He is taken.

Juventus: Mr Brands you cannot just claim he is taken and it be so! There is a complex process to a transfer beteween clubs, as you well kno...

Brands: Urghhh! Check Twitter.

Juventus: What? Why would we want to... oh Dio!

Brands: Say it.

Juventus: This cannot be....

Brands: SAY IT

Juventus: "Moist Ken is a bloo"... this cannot be!

Brands: I took him at "Ciao".

Juventus: This is heartbreaking Mr Brands! You cannot do thi...

Brands: He is mine. Now ask me.

Juventus: Ask you what?

Brands: Ask me.

Juventus: Mr brands? I do not know what you are...

Brands: ASK ME!

Juventus: Very well Mr Brands! Very well! What were those sounds?

Brands: Describe the sounds.

Juventus: "uh", "hurrr", "agurrr", etc.

Brands: What would you like to know?

Juventus: You asked me to ask!

Brands: And now tell me.

Juventus: Tell you what?

Brands: Tell me what the sounds were.

Juventus: Mr Brands, you asked me to ask! I have no idea!

Brands: Your boy is mine. I have taken all that you love. Tell me.

Juventus: Mr Brands!

Brands: TELL ME

Juventus: It was you ploughing mia madre wasn't it?

Brands: And I wasn't even erect when I did it.

Juventus: Mr Brands, what you have done seems unnecessary.

Brands: I think you need to speak to your mother.

Juventus: Is she still there.

Brands: Yes (passes phone)

Juve's mum: Mio caro?

Juventus: Mia madre? Is that really you?

Juve's mum: Sì

Juventus: What have you done?

Juve's mum: I've taken it in three holes from Mr Brands while he signed Moise Kean.

Juventus: OH MAMA! WHY?

Juve's mum: You're too young to understand.

Juventus: Did you at least get him to insert a buy back clause?

Juve's mum: Yes, he inserted a buy back clause.

Juventus: Really? Oh well, at least that's some good news.

Juve's mum: Wait, my English is not perfect: when you say 'buy back clause' do you mean nine fingers and a wheel of edam?

Juventus: NO MAMA! I mean a contractual agreement to re-sign Moise in a year or two!

Juve's mum: Ah. No. He just inserted nine fingers and a wheel of edam.

Juventus: MAMAAAAAA!

Brands: Is there a problem?

Juventus: Are you now my papa?

Brands: I'll never be papa. *hangs up*

Your talents are wasted on here

 

[FTY]

Walter Smith was our manager when I started reading that

 

[Blue Jk]

That's really nothing like how it went at all. Here's the transcript:

Juventus: Ciao Mr Brands

Brands: *Heavy breathing*

Juventus: Mr Brands?

Brands: ... uh, huh, hello?

Juventus: Mr Brands! Hi! We were wondering if you would like Mandzukic for one season?

Brands: Hurrgh!. What? Who?

Juventus: Mandzukic, Mr Brands! Top class Croatian striker.

Brands: a/s/l?

Juventus: What?

Brands: Agurrrrr. You know what I'm asking.

Juventus: Oh. Erm, 33, male, Turin.

Brands: no. You have any teenagers?

Juventus: Che cosa?

Brands: Adolescente!

Juventus: Um, well we have one but not that we would part with.

Brands: I want him.

Juventus: Mr Brands, I'm sorry but we...

Brands: I shall take him.

Juventus: Mr Brands! This is inapp...

Brands: He is taken.

Juventus: Mr Brands you cannot just claim he is taken and it be so! There is a complex process to a transfer beteween clubs, as you well kno...

Brands: Urghhh! Check Twitter.

Juventus: What? Why would we want to... oh Dio!

Brands: Say it.

Juventus: This cannot be....

Brands: SAY IT

Juventus: "Moist Ken is a bloo"... this cannot be!

Brands: I took him at "Ciao".

Juventus: This is heartbreaking Mr Brands! You cannot do thi...

Brands: He is mine. Now ask me.

Juventus: Ask you what?

Brands: Ask me.

Juventus: Mr brands? I do not know what you are...

Brands: ASK ME!

Juventus: Very well Mr Brands! Very well! What were those sounds?

Brands: Describe the sounds.

Juventus: "uh", "hurrr", "agurrr", etc.

Brands: What would you like to know?

Juventus: You asked me to ask!

Brands: And now tell me.

Juventus: Tell you what?

Brands: Tell me what the sounds were.

Juventus: Mr Brands, you asked me to ask! I have no idea!

Brands: Your boy is mine. I have taken all that you love. Tell me.

Juventus: Mr Brands!

Brands: TELL ME

Juventus: It was you ploughing mia madre wasn't it?

Brands: And I wasn't even erect when I did it.

Juventus: Mr Brands, what you have done seems unnecessary.

Brands: I think you need to speak to your mother.

Juventus: Is she still there.

Brands: Yes (passes phone)

Juve's mum: Mio caro?

Juventus: Mia madre? Is that really you?

Juve's mum: Sì

Juventus: What have you done?

Juve's mum: I've taken it in three holes from Mr Brands while he signed Moise Kean.

Juventus: OH MAMA! WHY?

Juve's mum: You're too young to understand.

Juventus: Did you at least get him to insert a buy back clause?

Juve's mum: Yes, he inserted a buy back clause.

Juventus: Really? Oh well, at least that's some good news.

Juve's mum: Wait, my English is not perfect: when you say 'buy back clause' do you mean nine fingers and a wheel of edam?

Juventus: NO MAMA! I mean a contractual agreement to re-sign Moise in a year or two!

Juve's mum: Ah. No. He just inserted nine fingers and a wheel of edam.

Juventus: MAMAAAAAA!

Brands: Is there a problem?

Juventus: Are you now my papa?

Brands: I'll never be papa. *hangs up*

Burst out laughing at the wheel of edam, bravo

 

[LostLegend]

That's really nothing like how it went at all. Here's the transcript:

Juventus: Ciao Mr Brands

Brands: *Heavy breathing*

Juventus: Mr Brands?

Brands: ... uh, huh, hello?

Juventus: Mr Brands! Hi! We were wondering if you would like Mandzukic for one season?

Brands: Hurrgh!. What? Who?

Juventus: Mandzukic, Mr Brands! Top class Croatian striker.

Brands: a/s/l?

Juventus: What?

Brands: Agurrrrr. You know what I'm asking.

Juventus: Oh. Erm, 33, male, Turin.

Brands: no. You have any teenagers?

Juventus: Che cosa?

Brands: Adolescente!

Juventus: Um, well we have one but not that we would part with.

Brands: I want him.

Juventus: Mr Brands, I'm sorry but we...

Brands: I shall take him.

Juventus: Mr Brands! This is inapp...

Brands: He is taken.

Juventus: Mr Brands you cannot just claim he is taken and it be so! There is a complex process to a transfer beteween clubs, as you well kno...

Brands: Urghhh! Check Twitter.

Juventus: What? Why would we want to... oh Dio!

Brands: Say it.

Juventus: This cannot be....

Brands: SAY IT

Juventus: "Moist Ken is a bloo"... this cannot be!

Brands: I took him at "Ciao".

Juventus: This is heartbreaking Mr Brands! You cannot do thi...

Brands: He is mine. Now ask me.

Juventus: Ask you what?

Brands: Ask me.

Juventus: Mr brands? I do not know what you are...

Brands: ASK ME!

Juventus: Very well Mr Brands! Very well! What were those sounds?

Brands: Describe the sounds.

Juventus: "uh", "hurrr", "agurrr", etc.

Brands: What would you like to know?

Juventus: You asked me to ask!

Brands: And now tell me.

Juventus: Tell you what?

Brands: Tell me what the sounds were.

Juventus: Mr Brands, you asked me to ask! I have no idea!

Brands: Your boy is mine. I have taken all that you love. Tell me.

Juventus: Mr Brands!

Brands: TELL ME

Juventus: It was you ploughing mia madre wasn't it?

Brands: And I wasn't even erect when I did it.

Juventus: Mr Brands, what you have done seems unnecessary.

Brands: I think you need to speak to your mother.

Juventus: Is she still there.

Brands: Yes (passes phone)

Juve's mum: Mio caro?

Juventus: Mia madre? Is that really you?

Juve's mum: Sì

Juventus: What have you done?

Juve's mum: I've taken it in three holes from Mr Brands while he signed Moise Kean.

Juventus: OH MAMA! WHY?

Juve's mum: You're too young to understand.

Juventus: Did you at least get him to insert a buy back clause?

Juve's mum: Yes, he inserted a buy back clause.

Juventus: Really? Oh well, at least that's some good news.

Juve's mum: Wait, my English is not perfect: when you say 'buy back clause' do you mean nine fingers and a wheel of edam?

Juventus: NO MAMA! I mean a contractual agreement to re-sign Moise in a year or two!

Juve's mum: Ah. No. He just inserted nine fingers and a wheel of edam.

Juventus: MAMAAAAAA!

Brands: Is there a problem?

Juventus: Are you now my papa?

Brands: I'll never be papa. *hangs up*

 

[TimHowardsBeardJuice]

Wow

 

[4737carlin]

Well,

If we can add Kean, Gbamin, Zouma, Zaha and a RB plus Reinier Jesus for January.

I think we could potentially match most of the top 6. Away wins are key. And beating the muck across the park for once!

If we buy all them I think we will get investigated wanting to know where the money came from

 

[Toffee-nerd]

That's really nothing like how it went at all. Here's the transcript:

Juventus: Ciao Mr Brands

Brands: *Heavy breathing*

Juventus: Mr Brands?

Brands: ... uh, huh, hello?

Juventus: Mr Brands! Hi! We were wondering if you would like Mandzukic for one season?

Brands: Hurrgh!. What? Who?

Juventus: Mandzukic, Mr Brands! Top class Croatian striker.

Brands: a/s/l?

Juventus: What?

Brands: Agurrrrr. You know what I'm asking.

Juventus: Oh. Erm, 33, male, Turin.

Brands: no. You have any teenagers?

Juventus: Che cosa?

Brands: Adolescente!

Juventus: Um, well we have one but not that we would part with.

Brands: I want him.

Juventus: Mr Brands, I'm sorry but we...

Brands: I shall take him.

Juventus: Mr Brands! This is inapp...

Brands: He is taken.

Juventus: Mr Brands you cannot just claim he is taken and it be so! There is a complex process to a transfer beteween clubs, as you well kno...

Brands: Urghhh! Check Twitter.

Juventus: What? Why would we want to... oh Dio!

Brands: Say it.

Juventus: This cannot be....

Brands: SAY IT

Juventus: "Moist Ken is a bloo"... this cannot be!

Brands: I took him at "Ciao".

Juventus: This is heartbreaking Mr Brands! You cannot do thi...

Brands: He is mine. Now ask me.

Juventus: Ask you what?

Brands: Ask me.

Juventus: Mr brands? I do not know what you are...

Brands: ASK ME!

Juventus: Very well Mr Brands! Very well! What were those sounds?

Brands: Describe the sounds.

Juventus: "uh", "hurrr", "agurrr", etc.

Brands: What would you like to know?

Juventus: You asked me to ask!

Brands: And now tell me.

Juventus: Tell you what?

Brands: Tell me what the sounds were.

Juventus: Mr Brands, you asked me to ask! I have no idea!

Brands: Your boy is mine. I have taken all that you love. Tell me.

Juventus: Mr Brands!

Brands: TELL ME

Juventus: It was you ploughing mia madre wasn't it?

Brands: And I wasn't even erect when I did it.

Juventus: Mr Brands, what you have done seems unnecessary.

Brands: I think you need to speak to your mother.

Juventus: Is she still there.

Brands: Yes (passes phone)

Juve's mum: Mio caro?

Juventus: Mia madre? Is that really you?

Juve's mum: Sì

Juventus: What have you done?

Juve's mum: I've taken it in three holes from Mr Brands while he signed Moise Kean.

Juventus: OH MAMA! WHY?

Juve's mum: You're too young to understand.

Juventus: Did you at least get him to insert a buy back clause?

Juve's mum: Yes, he inserted a buy back clause.

Juventus: Really? Oh well, at least that's some good news.

Juve's mum: Wait, my English is not perfect: when you say 'buy back clause' do you mean nine fingers and a wheel of edam?

Juventus: NO MAMA! I mean a contractual agreement to re-sign Moise in a year or two!

Juve's mum: Ah. No. He just inserted nine fingers and a wheel of edam.

Juventus: MAMAAAAAA!

Brands: Is there a problem?

Juventus: Are you now my papa?

Brands: I'll never be papa. *hangs up*

Hahahaha WTF

 

[Stephen Gibson]

That's really nothing like how it went at all. Here's the transcript:

Juventus: Ciao Mr Brands

Brands: *Heavy breathing*

Juventus: Mr Brands?

Brands: ... uh, huh, hello?

Juventus: Mr Brands! Hi! We were wondering if you would like Mandzukic for one season?

Brands: Hurrgh!. What? Who?

Juventus: Mandzukic, Mr Brands! Top class Croatian striker.

Brands: a/s/l?

Juventus: What?

Brands: Agurrrrr. You know what I'm asking.

Juventus: Oh. Erm, 33, male, Turin.

Brands: no. You have any teenagers?

Juventus: Che cosa?

Brands: Adolescente!

Juventus: Um, well we have one but not that we would part with.

Brands: I want him.

Juventus: Mr Brands, I'm sorry but we...

Brands: I shall take him.

Juventus: Mr Brands! This is inapp...

Brands: He is taken.

Juventus: Mr Brands you cannot just claim he is taken and it be so! There is a complex process to a transfer beteween clubs, as you well kno...

Brands: Urghhh! Check Twitter.

Juventus: What? Why would we want to... oh Dio!

Brands: Say it.

Juventus: This cannot be....

Brands: SAY IT

Juventus: "Moist Ken is a bloo"... this cannot be!

Brands: I took him at "Ciao".

Juventus: This is heartbreaking Mr Brands! You cannot do thi...

Brands: He is mine. Now ask me.

Juventus: Ask you what?

Brands: Ask me.

Juventus: Mr brands? I do not know what you are...

Brands: ASK ME!

Juventus: Very well Mr Brands! Very well! What were those sounds?

Brands: Describe the sounds.

Juventus: "uh", "hurrr", "agurrr", etc.

Brands: What would you like to know?

Juventus: You asked me to ask!

Brands: And now tell me.

Juventus: Tell you what?

Brands: Tell me what the sounds were.

Juventus: Mr Brands, you asked me to ask! I have no idea!

Brands: Your boy is mine. I have taken all that you love. Tell me.

Juventus: Mr Brands!

Brands: TELL ME

Juventus: It was you ploughing mia madre wasn't it?

Brands: And I wasn't even erect when I did it.

Juventus: Mr Brands, what you have done seems unnecessary.

Brands: I think you need to speak to your mother.

Juventus: Is she still there.

Brands: Yes (passes phone)

Juve's mum: Mio caro?

Juventus: Mia madre? Is that really you?

Juve's mum: Sì

Juventus: What have you done?

Juve's mum: I've taken it in three holes from Mr Brands while he signed Moise Kean.

Juventus: OH MAMA! WHY?

Juve's mum: You're too young to understand.

Juventus: Did you at least get him to insert a buy back clause?

Juve's mum: Yes, he inserted a buy back clause.

Juventus: Really? Oh well, at least that's some good news.

Juve's mum: Wait, my English is not perfect: when you say 'buy back clause' do you mean nine fingers and a wheel of edam?

Juventus: NO MAMA! I mean a contractual agreement to re-sign Moise in a year or two!

Juve's mum: Ah. No. He just inserted nine fingers and a wheel of edam.

Juventus: MAMAAAAAA!

Brands: Is there a problem?

Juventus: Are you now my papa?

Brands: I'll never be papa. *hangs up*

Yep. I believe this to be accurate.

 

[Darth Toffeeman]

If we buy all them I think we will get investigated wanting to know where the money came from

I think Reinier will come from U23 budget and sponsor deal.

Gbamin and Kean from sales already made.

Zouma and Zaha we will have to be creative with if the budget is there.

Loan the RB.

It could be possible. Zaha is the biggest problem, so we might look elsewhere for value. His wages would be huge too.

 

[ADT]

That's really nothing like how it went at all. Here's the transcript:

Juventus: Ciao Mr Brands

Brands: *Heavy breathing*

Juventus: Mr Brands?

Brands: ... uh, huh, hello?

Juventus: Mr Brands! Hi! We were wondering if you would like Mandzukic for one season?

Brands: Hurrgh!. What? Who?

Juventus: Mandzukic, Mr Brands! Top class Croatian striker.

Brands: a/s/l?

Juventus: What?

Brands: Agurrrrr. You know what I'm asking.

Juventus: Oh. Erm, 33, male, Turin.

Brands: no. You have any teenagers?

Juventus: Che cosa?

Brands: Adolescente!

Juventus: Um, well we have one but not that we would part with.

Brands: I want him.

Juventus: Mr Brands, I'm sorry but we...

Brands: I shall take him.

Juventus: Mr Brands! This is inapp...

Brands: He is taken.

Juventus: Mr Brands you cannot just claim he is taken and it be so! There is a complex process to a transfer beteween clubs, as you well kno...

Brands: Urghhh! Check Twitter.

Juventus: What? Why would we want to... oh Dio!

Brands: Say it.

Juventus: This cannot be....

Brands: SAY IT

Juventus: "Moist Ken is a bloo"... this cannot be!

Brands: I took him at "Ciao".

Juventus: This is heartbreaking Mr Brands! You cannot do thi...

Brands: He is mine. Now ask me.

Juventus: Ask you what?

Brands: Ask me.

Juventus: Mr brands? I do not know what you are...

Brands: ASK ME!

Juventus: Very well Mr Brands! Very well! What were those sounds?

Brands: Describe the sounds.

Juventus: "uh", "hurrr", "agurrr", etc.

Brands: What would you like to know?

Juventus: You asked me to ask!

Brands: And now tell me.

Juventus: Tell you what?

Brands: Tell me what the sounds were.

Juventus: Mr Brands, you asked me to ask! I have no idea!

Brands: Your boy is mine. I have taken all that you love. Tell me.

Juventus: Mr Brands!

Brands: TELL ME

Juventus: It was you ploughing mia madre wasn't it?

Brands: And I wasn't even erect when I did it.

Juventus: Mr Brands, what you have done seems unnecessary.

Brands: I think you need to speak to your mother.

Juventus: Is she still there.

Brands: Yes (passes phone)

Juve's mum: Mio caro?

Juventus: Mia madre? Is that really you?

Juve's mum: Sì

Juventus: What have you done?

Juve's mum: I've taken it in three holes from Mr Brands while he signed Moise Kean.

Juventus: OH MAMA! WHY?

Juve's mum: You're too young to understand.

Juventus: Did you at least get him to insert a buy back clause?

Juve's mum: Yes, he inserted a buy back clause.

Juventus: Really? Oh well, at least that's some good news.

Juve's mum: Wait, my English is not perfect: when you say 'buy back clause' do you mean nine fingers and a wheel of edam?

Juventus: NO MAMA! I mean a contractual agreement to re-sign Moise in a year or two!

Juve's mum: Ah. No. He just inserted nine fingers and a wheel of edam.

Juventus: MAMAAAAAA!

Brands: Is there a problem?

Juventus: Are you now my papa?

Brands: I'll never be papa. *hangs up*

I'm dead

 

[marnie]

I'm dead

Me too

 

[LABlue2]

We really need to get some quality players in sharpish. Zouma and Gana combined played 5000+ minutes last season and we haven't replaced either.

In this competitive of a league and considering how many points behind 6th we finished, I think we need all of our rumoured signings to happen, which is probably over 100mm of spend.

 

[mahermi1]

That's really nothing like how it went at all. Here's the transcript:

Juventus: Ciao Mr Brands

Brands: *Heavy breathing*

Juventus: Mr Brands?

Brands: ... uh, huh, hello?

Juventus: Mr Brands! Hi! We were wondering if you would like Mandzukic for one season?

Brands: Hurrgh!. What? Who?

Juventus: Mandzukic, Mr Brands! Top class Croatian striker.

Brands: a/s/l?

Juventus: What?

Brands: Agurrrrr. You know what I'm asking.

Juventus: Oh. Erm, 33, male, Turin.

Brands: no. You have any teenagers?

Juventus: Che cosa?

Brands: Adolescente!

Juventus: Um, well we have one but not that we would part with.

Brands: I want him.

Juventus: Mr Brands, I'm sorry but we...

Brands: I shall take him.

Juventus: Mr Brands! This is inapp...

Brands: He is taken.

Juventus: Mr Brands you cannot just claim he is taken and it be so! There is a complex process to a transfer beteween clubs, as you well kno...

Brands: Urghhh! Check Twitter.

Juventus: What? Why would we want to... oh Dio!

Brands: Say it.

Juventus: This cannot be....

Brands: SAY IT

Juventus: "Moist Ken is a bloo"... this cannot be!

Brands: I took him at "Ciao".

Juventus: This is heartbreaking Mr Brands! You cannot do thi...

Brands: He is mine. Now ask me.

Juventus: Ask you what?

Brands: Ask me.

Juventus: Mr brands? I do not know what you are...

Brands: ASK ME!

Juventus: Very well Mr Brands! Very well! What were those sounds?

Brands: Describe the sounds.

Juventus: "uh", "hurrr", "agurrr", etc.

Brands: What would you like to know?

Juventus: You asked me to ask!

Brands: And now tell me.

Juventus: Tell you what?

Brands: Tell me what the sounds were.

Juventus: Mr Brands, you asked me to ask! I have no idea!

Brands: Your boy is mine. I have taken all that you love. Tell me.

Juventus: Mr Brands!

Brands: TELL ME

Juventus: It was you ploughing mia madre wasn't it?

Brands: And I wasn't even erect when I did it.

Juventus: Mr Brands, what you have done seems unnecessary.

Brands: I think you need to speak to your mother.

Juventus: Is she still there.

Brands: Yes (passes phone)

Juve's mum: Mio caro?

Juventus: Mia madre? Is that really you?

Juve's mum: Sì

Juventus: What have you done?

Juve's mum: I've taken it in three holes from Mr Brands while he signed Moise Kean.

Juventus: OH MAMA! WHY?

Juve's mum: You're too young to understand.

Juventus: Did you at least get him to insert a buy back clause?

Juve's mum: Yes, he inserted a buy back clause.

Juventus: Really? Oh well, at least that's some good news.

Juve's mum: Wait, my English is not perfect: when you say 'buy back clause' do you mean nine fingers and a wheel of edam?

Juventus: NO MAMA! I mean a contractual agreement to re-sign Moise in a year or two!

Juve's mum: Ah. No. He just inserted nine fingers and a wheel of edam.

Juventus: MAMAAAAAA!

Brands: Is there a problem?

Juventus: Are you now my papa?

Brands: I'll never be papa. *hangs up*

Haha brilliant, I bet Davek wished he wrote that post.

 

[Seathestars]

Diego Costa and Everton

The Mosh has got me screaming again

I would love him, imagine Goodison with him there. Would be madness.
I doubt he’d last 5 minutes with VAR