Reading vs Everton

That’s a bit better. OK, a lot better. The league table makes good reading and next we need to make good of Reading.

Apologies. It just feels boss that Everton have started the season well. Autumn can be ace after all.
We’re a prudent bunch so there’ll be no getting carried away but it’s the best Everton team witnessed by a generation. Maybe some of the previous Moyes teams were good but they didn’t play this good football and go for the throat of the opposition like a 1989 model Rottweiler.

Sunderland apparently produced their best performance of the season so far and they were no bad shakes but we’ve got genuine match winning quality in our team right now and like so many good teams that we’ve fell foul to: we just had an extra gear when needed. That second goal was sex.

This weekend is a trip to newly promoted Reading. My geographical knowledge of our own fair isle is better than most but I can’t without looking at a map tell you where it is. It’s in the ted-triangle in between London, Birmingham and Norwich. Think orange bricked Wimpy houses on recent estates and a generation of kids from the Inbetweeners who’d last 5 hours hanging round in Huyton.

It’s created a vacuum of human identity. They don’t know if they’re southern, eastern or London – where say they´re from if a Turkish barman asks. Home Counties types smelling of matey bubble bath who until recently wore an Arsenal top in school and pretended to be dead into them until lady luck planted a Premiership club right on their marble doorstep.

Ludicrous haircuts. Brogues with jeans. Latest iPhones all over the show. Like playing school football and drawing a team from Freshfields. Volley their token grock up the hoop in the first minute and see if they fancy it or retreat back into the blanket of middle class suburbia. Get in their f*cking faces Everton.

They’ve got something we haven’t got though and that’s a rich owner. They’re now owned by Russian Anton Zingarevich who’s so flush he’s eggs deep in a Victorian Secret’s model. I doubt she’ll be too arsed that he [URL=””]looks like a Family Guy version of Roman Abramovich[/URL]. He was [URL=””]once linked with taking over us [/URL]I think.
It’s not him that’s rich, it’s his dar but that fits nicely into the average type of lad you’ll meet in Reading anyway. One of them twats who lives for commuting. As soon as the train pulls away there’s an iPad ragged right out. The pinstriped smug little bastard.

Moving onto the footballing side of things they’re not doing so well, still looking for their first win of the season. Stop tutting at the back – we know how this usually plays out.

Brian McDermott is one of the few Premier League managers that comes across as a sound fella so after this game it would be nice to see them turn it around to dilute the current tit fest in the LMA ranks. Player wise it’s a pretty average squad. Jason Roberts plays up front but thankfully is as fond of putting the ball in the net as much as he’s fond of white people. They signed last year’s loan sensation Pogrebynak on a full time basis under Fulham’s nose but he hasn’t clicked into gear just yet but that’s largely down to the supply. Looking at their midfield I don’t even recognise half the names so we’ll move onto defence. Which is sh*te too.

They’ve got two gangly aliens in Gorkss and Morrison and we need to get them right from the off. Chris Gunter and Nicky Shorey are their full backs. It’s soul destroying trying to give two sh*ts about them for the sake of the preview, the f*cking lepers.

Talking about Everton is much easier when they’re doing good things. It’s still not been the best of runs with all the preceding draws to the Sunderland win so it’s a bit tight around that fourth position. Credit to West Brom who are sneakier than a CIA Director and on the same points as us. Clarke has done brilliantly so far for them, the only league team to beat us this season too. Liverpool must be thinking how they let the right man slip through their calloused fingers.

Jelavic needed a goal and got it. The test will be if he’s a bit more perked up from the off on Saturday, if he hits form we’d be quite some team. While the media are doing their best to sell Fellaini for us it’s not really arsing us as it normally would as it will probably happen anyway but for the time being we’ve got a player as devastating as there’s been in royal blue for a while. He’ll have special attention from Reading without doubt but what can you do when he’s in the mood anyway?

Mirallas being out with the hamstring is a blow as he looked very good indeed for the first twenty minutes on Saturday. He’ll probably be replaced by Naismith, the most translucent human I’ve ever seen. I’ve got a theory that he’s crap in day games (think how decent he was against AEK Athens and Leyton Orient being night games eh) because the factor 80 he’s caked in must get into his eyes. With Reading’s threat coming from pacey wingers it might be that Moyes tries Oviedo on the left and Pienaar on the right. Probably not, but I’d like that.

Think it’s a game too soon for Gibson too, aren’t they all? So Neville and newly capped Leon Osman will probably start although Hitzlsperger came on and has been talking himself up.

Due to the fast big brute threat up front there’s a good chance Distin might return to the team in place of Heitinga to partner the consistent again Phil Jagielka. Baines and Coleman should be left and right back respectively. It’s working well having two such attacking threats from full back too, you’d think this is the type of opposition that’s ideal for them.

A positive preview it is which usually preludes a dismal performance from us, but f*ck it. You got to enjoy this thing while it rolls. As the late Bob Marley said “the good times today are the sad thoughts of tomorrow”.

If you’re still Reading then nice one. You´re not Everton though. Get into them Blues.

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