Everton vs Sunderland

When the clock strikes three on Saturday afternoon there’s no place quite like our arl wooden ground and the all the bits around it. Especially when there’s the anticipation of Everton turning up against a team low on form and confidence and giving them some sort of shoeing.

Nothing is seemingly that simple when it comes to us, but adversely that’s why we probably love them a bit more. Suffering more frustrating draws than a Stephen Hawking art lesson we need to find our winning zing. It’s not like were playing bad, on the contrary were playing as well as we have ever done in the past twenty five years. Were just missing the goals and they’re unfortunately the most important part.

For all the talk of Fulham being difficult opponents it turned out anything but. Put simply; we tonked them all over the show. You had that feeling of dread as it was dragging on with each JUST PUT THE F*CKING BALL IN THE NET NAISMITH YOU ALBINO BELL passing moment and suspected rightful victory would be denied and so it proved. Suppose they owe us one for the same fixture last season. A draw that very much felt like a loss. We’ve lost one league game all season and are in the top four which you’d all have taken at the start but it doesn’t mask that it could have been much more. Thankfully we’ve got three quarters of a season left and that starts with the visit of Sunderland.

In seventeen games a Moyes team has not lost to Sunderland which must do their head in as they’re a decent team but seem to continually fluff it against us on the day. Or Osman does a Suarez and makes a tit of himself but gets a penalty.

Sunderland are not having the season most thought they would, as in a decent one. Martin O’Neill has been there for just under a year and at first really got them tight and playing like most of his teams. Then they´ve just sort of stalled. Early days yet but they’ll be wanting to see much more. O’Neill’s been about a while but isn´t too popular with blues after becoming something of a North Korea to our South in his Aston Villa days. Plus he’s got a rogue left eye that is a bit too eager when he’s glancing left and I can imagine some of his backroom staff having to generically stare in the middle of his eyes when speaking to them in case they give away the slight eye movement twitch which reminds Martin he´s got what I believe they call a twat eye.

Sunderland are one of the other top flight teams which for many of us range from apathy to even thinking they´re sound, which in Evertonian terms is incredibly popular as we can’t be arsed with much and border on despising everything else. I think the roots are with Sunderland being sound when supporting their own club which is something of a rarity in the North East. Obviously you’ll get all the north eastern benefits that you´ve come to love like boss fast food when you’re pissed, a selection of easy girls to suit most profiles and over zealous Stasi police – but you get far less tithead count. Look just 20 miles down the road to them black and white tools as to how bad it could be.

They’ve spent a fair whack on new players in the past couple of years but not really got much to show for it. Like your monthly big shop in ASDA if you take the wife or kids. It’s coming off your card at the till and it’s ridiculous but when it comes to putting it in the cupboard you’re wondering where it all went.

Sessegnon has been a success story, a clever player with finesse and excellent play making up front. They’ve also got a credible goal threat with Steven Fletcher seemingly scoring all their goals this season. He looks like Franny Jeffers looking in a concave mirror but still has the goals.
Ex L4 lad Saha has been making noises in the media all week of wanting to score a goal and of course it would be typical if he turned up and played like he can against us but I’m hoping that Goodison will have his usual effect of making him have the enthusiasm of twenty year time served civil servant. If he plays that is.

Adam Johnson was admired by plenty of our fans but since his move to Sunderland he simply hasn’t been all that. He’ll start on the wing in a midfield that contains Larsson, tomato soup headed Colback and Cattermole who tackles like a twat and will get booked at some point. The other options are Gardner and the young Derry lad McClean who’s struggled for the same impact as his debut season.

If Danny Rose is fit he’ll be at left back but defence is a weak spot regardless with O’Shea, Carlos Cuellar and the one paced David Bardsley. Mignolet is similar to Tim Howard in that he’s a good shot stopper (even over 20 yards check that Tim) but a bit crap on crosses and all the other stuff that keepers have to be proficient with in the Premier League.
You see looking at that team it’s not too bad but it’s out of form and playing at a ground they really don’t like playing at. They are there to be got at and those handsome boys in royal blue need to be all over them like an over excited dog from the very first whistle.

We’re creating chances all over the show but Jelavic’s poor form has come at a poor time. If this was the latter part of last season he’d be ruining teams by half time. There’s no need to panic just yet as he’s still scored four goals this season but I find myself longing for him to click and start slotting without a care in the world. Luckily we’ve got Fellaini up front in the form of his life. Teams don’t know how to handle him and how would they? That second goal at Fulham was a moment where you just feel happy that you’re benefiting from having a player as good as that in your team.

Well done Leon Osman. He’s been playing well enough this season and much lesser players have England caps but it sort of gives away the game how sh*te the current England team are. Neville’s not playing as bad as some are making out but there’s no doubt he’s a weak link and it shows how much we need Darron Gibson back in the middle ASAP. Mirallas is coming on each game but needs to improve his final ball and shot. That said I think he’ll be some player, it’s just that the ghost of Peter Beagrie needs exorcising on the right wing whenever I see someone trying to beat his man too many times.

Pienaar had one of his poorer games against Fulham, maybe he’s got identity issues with looking similar to Osman now. This is the type of game where if he’s up for it he can give full backs dirty bad dreams. We need it the little boom voiced Jesus loving one-two playing sex pixie to get right on it.

The conceding early goals thing is taking the piss now. It puts us on the back foot and prevents us beasting teams as we should. I think it´s inevitable were going to concede more goals this season as were on the front foot more but we´ve got three very decent centre halves and we need to find a few clean sheets. It could also be down to having two very attacking full backs but that´s a trade off worth having as Baines is, well just Baines, and Coleman is coming along nicely. Save for the one headf*ck he´s liable to each game at the moment. He´ll get there though unless you want to go back to the pragmatism of either Hibbert of Neville. Howard got some stick last week but that one handed save from Berbatov was superb. Mucha looks like he was conceived too close to Chernobyl so until we get a decent understudy that goalie shirt is Howard´s.

It´s a game where the partisan pride of Walton need to kick on without excuses, hard luck stories or missed chances. The top five in the league are as hap hazard as they´ve been for some time and an opportunity exists for someone to kick on. That team needs to be us with no quarter given. Do your thing blues.

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