Wolves vs Everton

Two to go, against a huge backdrop of lethargy as another relatively meh season comes to an end.

Not that I´m suggesting Everton have a divine right to win anything but it´s been 25 years since we won a league and 17 years since we last lifted a trophy. That jarg one against Everton Chile doesn´t count so pipe down Phil at the back there. For Everton that´s far too long.

We´re playing now for the prize of seventh place and of course a finish above King Kenny´s Select XI which after their cup final defeat will definitely pain somewhat. All silver linings and all that.

We should have really won that Stoke game as we controlled the game for vast majority but just couldn´t get the second goal and in fairness to them they came back strongly in the last half an hour.

We move deeper into the slow speaking voids with a trip to Wolverhampton to take on their wolves. Such tags are meant to draw images of snarling aggressive pack animals when their side this season has been anything but. They´ve had all the aggression of a Channel 4 chat show host.

Wolves have been relegated before this game is played due to their horrendous season, and changing their manager half way through for his assistant which seldom works. It´s as bad as Londoners electing the fat mongy Milky Bar kid as their Mayor. And it´s not wise to go off appearances but Terry Connor seems like the type of guy who´ll give up on Monopoly as soon as you buy Mayfair or Park Lane.

Fan wise they´re painted with the same brush as the rest of their middle of England neighbours which means they´re a bit dull, try too hard to be zany, have sh*te hair and look a bit minty if the truth be told. Forearm tattoos, male ear rings and 90% of the males called Dave or Rob who are slightly racist after three pints of Mild.

That hopefully wraps that up then. They also have or had a crap nightclub called The Canal or something which for those unfortunate enough to venture in is/was the perfect fusion of From Dusk to Dawn and The Hitman and Her. I´d swerve any ideas of a BnB and “making a weekend of it” down there lids.

Fusballer wise it´s weird they´ve gone down as they´ve invested heavily in the past two summers summer and was thought to move it up to the next level, those imaginary rungs of greatness in the top league that the fans and media completely fabricate.

Mind you spending £12m combined on Jamie O´Hara and Roger Johnson is an indication of where it all went wrong. They do have some decent players that Moyes will probably look at in the summer, being the under rated Fletcher, crap haired Doyle and that Jarvis who plays on the wing. The latter along with Bassong return from injury for this game to boost the starting eleven. Other than that they do have an incredibly dull collection of footballers, summed up Stearman, Ward and Foley in their back four who I can´t picture if I tried.

Despite the really good comeback against Swansea last week they´re also on a dog of a run which has seen them win one league game in the last twenty two.

No excuses Everton, f*ck them.

There may be a couple of changes from the game on Tuesday but it should be player of the month Jelavic starting up front and doing all sorts of boss things which makes us love him so. Behind him may be Cahill or we might even see someone like Osman there to unlock a vulnerable defence.

Pienaar should have a field day here and there´s the hope that any deal for him is set up early doors in the summer. We now know how much he was missed. Don´t be surprised to see Coleman on the other side as he´s back from injury although I´d love nothing more than to see Barkley given a start instead. Fellaini is playing well and hopefully Gibson will be fit for this as our midfield is much more balanced when he´s there.

Distin has done well at left back, credit where he´s due, Heitinga and Jagielka will start in the middle of defence. Phil should have really done better for the Stoke goal, disappointing season for someone who was considered our best defender before it started. Hibbert or Neville at right back and Howard in goal.

Discounting any misplaced show of spirit and defiance it should be a case of us playing like how we can and getting at least something from it. We´ve been playing well recently but it´s the sort of game you can see turning into a damp squib.

With some luck we´ll have the advent of making the geordies cry by denying them Champions League football next week so this game is all about doing our stuff and sending the players and fans away dreaming that we might actually start a season well next year and let us dream a little higher.

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