Tank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty, you’re listening to the boys from the big bad city. This is jam hot. This is jam HOT.

It’s one of them games that no matter what you’ll always remember. For the opportunity to do them over at Wembley in front of the watching eyes of the world doesn’t come around too often. Twenty three years in the pipeline this one has been. Dalglish is their manager once more and let’s cut to the chase if we beat them here famously it would piss them right off, because an imminent meltdown would provide us with us such glorious memories that I’d probably remember such a beautiful moment when I close my eyes for the final time on this dreary life. And those nice bits apart – the most important thing, we´d be in a final and it´s been too long since we´ve won something.

It’s the winning that counts and f*ck all else. Getting through the tie hopefully in ninety minutes and if not then extra time and penalties. No hard luck stories, no ifs what of could have beens, just thousands of dirty fingernailed kopites grimacing into open air at the contemplation of what’s just been.

The banter stakes have been set to level 11 all week with various acts of bravado, conspired banner making, beautiful day dreams of anticipation and a the mistress of self doubt whispering in your ear to prepare for the worst.

We have to swerve that though because for the first time in a while; we have the better players, form, manager and Jesus/Allah/Jah/The Flying Spaghetti Monster loves you because you’re a blue. Even if they have a funny way of showing it sometimes.

Now that the over emotional opener is out of the way we can do what our players need to do and swerve playing the occasion and focus on just playing the game.

While our nearest and dearest may not have a team to their liking, it does contain some talented players who can do us real damage if we permit them to. The sideshow has been about their goalkeeping problems with Reina and Doni both suspended. Brad Jones will take their place and as such will need to be tested early and often.

Save for penalties it won’t be their keeper that wins them the game though; it would be more likely one of their outfield players.

There’s been a million words written about Suarez so I’ll not tediously add to it any further, he does enough bad PR for himself every week without us having to pull him down. Great little footballer if afforded the space and time to hurt teams though. Gerrard was outstanding in their recent derby win despite looking in every other game as though his legs are going. He’ll need no motivation to step up in this game.

35m man himself will be feeling better about himself after the late winner against Blackburn. If they have any joy with getting wide of us then Distin will have to be all over him like a cheap Matalan suit.

Rodriguez may start as he’s tidy and goes under the radar on the wing for them but always has a goal or two in them. Bellamy is fit and with his direct running always a threat, again he’s a player who strives to deliver on the big stage.

Midfield is where they can be got at though, put in simple terms they’re not all that. Whether the unfortunate looking Spearing, Henderson, Shelvey, Downing or Kuyt plays you can bet that they won’t be looking forward at sharing the middle of the pitch with an inform Fellaini and Gibson. They might pretend otherwise, but they really won’t.

Defence is strong with the very consistent Agger and Skrtel (power! Hahaha tits) unless Dalglish plays the ham faced grock Carragher. Their full backs can be got at, shame we don’t have Pienaar for this but Gueye, Osman and Drenthe may get some change out of them if they’re on one of their good days.

Enough of them anyway, it’s tiresome enough with the way they always find a way to keep the topic about them.

I reckon we could pretty much second guess the team for the most part but there won’t be any doubt of who’ll start up front for us with Jelavic slotting for fun. Make yourself a Walton hero lid.

I reckon Cahill will start behind Jelavic as he was rested on Monday and you can see the logic with how he has a special thing for the sh*te and his contribution to dropping deep and helping dominate their midfield. I wouldn’t be totally surprised if Moyes started Osman there though. He’s in form and plays that role well as well as linking up well with our central two in midfield.

The Harlem Globetrotter style Fellaini is playing brilliantly and will start along with Gibson in the centre. They’ve been playing better and better as each game passes and if they realise early on that they’ve got the beating of their midfield then they could be absolute key to winning this. There will be assorted snide early on from both teams in a competitive middle so Fellaini will have to avoid being neutered by a yellow card. Remember, play the game not the occasion.

If Cahill starts then Osman is a shoe in for one of the sides of midfield and will be probably joined by Gueye, who’s first goal for the club and general performances of late have made me stop noticing that he runs like he’s under water. Drenthe will probably start from the bench and will be useful if we have to chase the game or exploit tired legs. I’d like to see him start but can’t see it like.

It’s going to be current darling of the Lower Gwladys ninjas Heitinga and Distin at centre half. Baines who’s been really good of late will start at left back and I imagine that Neville will start at right back. I hope Howard has been practising penalties all week. If it comes to that I’m not sure all my atoms could handle it. Let’s do the job in the regulation time.

There’s naturally talk about this being next to an emotional date and there will be stuff to commemorate this on the field and in the stands.

We share an incredible city, even if there is a bit too much dogsh*t on the pavements and stag and hen dos in town these days. It´s the day of the Grand National too so while there may not be a latter day Merseyside! Merseyside! Merseyside! we have a lot of pride of from our little corner of the planet.

We also importantly share families and friends and that sets us apart from the rest of the gobsh*tes the length and breadth of the island. We’ll honour our lost as we always do, no one needs telling that, even if vultures in the media would nothing more than for it to be sullied.

We’re here to play a football game though and when that full time whistle blows they’re f*cking getting it.

The preparation has been ideal, we’re playing as well as we have ever done in the ten years of Moyes while they’re having a massive whitey. True it’s a derby so form is not the best indicator but this is ours if we really want it.

The difference on the day is down to not even how the manager prepares the team (but if there’s six changes I’ll despise him) but how eleven lids in royal blue do on a football pitch. We don’t forget a good turn by one of ours when it’s needed most. What it comes down to now is for them to turn up, have no regrets, do their thing and deliver on the expectation. What do we expect? That bit’s easy – it’s written on their chest:

Nil Satis Nisi Optimum.

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