Liverpool vs Everton

Right then, on the banks of the royal blue Mersey it is. Let´s get it on.

That´s about as bold as this preview is likely to get as similar to some of you I´m a mental wreck from the first to the last whistle. Not that we should be meek about going there, they´re tripe at the moment and we´re a pale shade of ace. Form book out of the window and all that.

Another superb win at Goodison Park against a team with better players which eventually showed in the second half. Interesting to note that in the past four wins we´ve had at Goodison (City, Chelsea, Blackpool & Spurs) we haven´t conceded a goal. Bravo Heitinga and Distin but more of them later. Oh and before we leave the subject of Spurs, you can f*ck right off Harry you sunburnt Bagpuss looking bellend. Sniff that.

Onto our nearest and dearest then, as seen on TV; libberpuelfubbelklub. We´re all well versed in writing them off as thanks to their ongoing arrangement with Beelzebub they are capable of ridiculous amounts of spawn. They´re not having a good time at the moment though, no siree. There was a massive gnashing of teeth and spittle all over the show at getting turned over at Sunderland on the weekend. The phone ins were red hot and social media was as awkward as a fresh haemorrhoid as they mostly tried to avoid blaming Dalglish.

They´ve won only one league game all year and we´re nearly half way through March. The glaring truth is that they´ve bought badly in Carroll, Henderson, Adam and Downing from which they didn´t get much change of one hundred million pounds. Dalglish, with the eyes of the emperor, is revered as they tend to do with selected managers so he´s therefore immune from criticism on their official list of blame. This blame has been plentiful this season with the FA/media/Alex Ferguson all conspiring somehow to deny them their rightful glory and bragging rights.

There´s been a season long unconscious competition to find the perfect kopite caricature in the media and there´s been some brilliant efforts but it´s easy when you have such brilliant role models in the likes of Thompson and Aldridge.

They have some very decent players though and it´s not easy, unless seemingly you´re a crap team, to come away from Anfield with any points. Take their last game against Arsenal there, they were outstanding for most of the game but happily came away with nothing.

Let´s get it out of the way, Suarez is a bell. We´re obviously going to think that and he didn´t endear himself to us by getting Rodwell sent off in the reverse fixture but since then he´s shown his snidey colours (his team colours, not his general problem with different colours) to the rest of the England. There´s absolutely no need for it as he is a tremendous little footballer. If he didn´t play for them and wasn´t such a tit he´d be brilliant to watch. At some point in this game you´ll see him take a tackle and go to ground with a face like a constipated fatty taking a dump and holding his hand up in the air whilst on the floor as if to signal a serious injury. It´s sh*thouse behaviour.

Gerrard didn´t start the last game but should start this and were more than aware of the dangers he poses when he´s on his game, even in his twilight years. Johnson and the Kuyt will keep our left side busy with the latter having a Rush like tendency to score against us. It´s in defence where they´ve done really well this year. Agger and Skrtl have been as good as any central defence partnership in the league. Enrique has proved a steady buy and gave them some needed consistency on the left.

They´ll be fired up and wanting to put us to bed under the floodlights and if we do our usual thing of playing the occasion and not the game they´ll probably beat us. That´s why we´ve got to play our game and not try to contain them and come away with the odd goal or a draw. They´re not as formidable as they once were, get after them Everton.

It´s going to be a similar team that started against Spurs as Moyes seldom changes a winning side. One player who will probably return will be Pienaar and I´m not sure who he´ll replace. The obvious choice will be a straight swap for Coleman but Seamus ran up and down the wing all day and Moyes could see him as a better option for the shape of the team than Drenthe. I hope to f*ck he doesn´t like. The Dutchman is the type of player who´ll scare them and make something happen for us. Big game for him this, even if he does have red card written all over him.

Jelavic took his goal really well and we´ll be looking forward to seeing what a natural goalscorer can add to the team for the rest of the season. Personally I´d have him and the Argentinian up front for this but you can bet your bottom dollar Cahill will start. They hate him scoring against him so it´s not the end of the world.

Fellaini and Osman worked really well in the first half against Spurs. Neither of them panic on the ball so we were keeping possession much better and playing some fantastic football. Maturity has been kind to Osman and he´s made for that position. Together they´re a good balance and I´d like to see them stay there for a couple of games to see how it goes. They´re not shy at putting a tackle in so the derby shouldn´t phase them too much.

At the back we´ve been excellent for a number of games now, it´s been vital in us putting this run together. on. Heitinga was excellent against Spurs and is playing as well as a centre half has for us for a while. Distin complements him very nicely indeed. If they remain in this form we´ll pick up a decent amount of points before the season ends. It´s been a while since Baines has had a run of form but even when he´s not at his best he´s still one of the best players in the team. I´d love us to get a right back of similar attributes but for the time being it´s Phil Neville and his sand wedge type passes into touch. Has anyone noticed how bad Howard has gone taking goal kicks when we´ve got a lead?

This game marks ten years of David Moyes managing Everton. Thanks David. We´re not going to do you a mural or sing happy anniversary to you, or even dress up as cardinals and walk around town in your honour but I´m sure you won´t mind.

Hopefully with it being an evening game it will pass without any incident similar to the reverse fixture. For all of the piss taking and ripping, they may be rivals but we share a brilliant city and I´d hate for it to go the way of some tittish derbies on these fair isles. Suarez is still a c*nt though.

There´s been a few recent derby games where the momentum has ebbed to us and we´ve failed to take advantage of it. It´s as predictable as it is annoying. They´re good but they´re not all and were long over due a win there. It´s embarrassing how long it´s been to be honest.

If we beat them we go above them. So you know what the prize is blues, get into them.

What´s our name?

Everton Mishmash
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