It´s that beaut again. Walking across a Benson & Hedges smogged room right towards us and and we can’t swerve each other despite wanting to. In his Gucci top looking a right tit.

More of crap City puns later. If you get that far. Not that you will as there’s far acer things to read. Yes sir, we’re small time minted and on the look out for players. We’re currently scouring the dark side of the moon to find someone to vastly overpay in the hope that they can score the goals to make our second half of season worthwhile.

If I had a swimming pool like in Cocoon (1985) I’d be enticing Kevin Campbell over to my gaff, telling him that I have Phats and Small in my fabricated studio and they’re out of contract but as good as ever. He’d turn up in his oversized Beats by Dr Dre headphones all dead smart and I’d nudge him in the aforementioned pool. “Get your head right under there Kev”. “I’ll get you a towel Kev hang on in there”. “How you feeling now Kev, good as new?”. “Here´s the number 9 shirt Kev, you´re on the bench Saturday”.

Fulham was nice, we found a way of scoring goals. Get it wide and get one of our grocks on the end of it. Gives us something to look forward to anyway after a spawny draw for the next round which is no bad thing in this dullest of seasons.

The all new City have got over their Poznan period and are looking all top of the leaguey. They´re top at the end of January and you´d imagine they´ll be pleased as punch about it all. The media have been desperate for their bubble to burst over the past month and despite one or two wobbles they´re still there.

It´s a shame with the commercialisation of City as they´ve always had some sound fans and still do. It´s just that the media and world wide web is full of the cliché speaking bells. We all know you’re gonna be boss for a while but try not to act tits about it eh?

The reverse fixture was a well deserved two nil win for them. No complaints they were the better team. It brought to an end a period where we made them fume for a few years by taking six points off them and causing much hostility from their mostly male earringed following.

They have a really good array of players. Ballotelli is wonderfully nuts, at first I thought he was a tit and maybe he is but his almost weekly stories cause me much mirth. He´s just into a four game ban so will sit this out. Silva will rag our defence apart if not watched, an excellent player to watch on his day. Rodwell had some success in man marking him earlier this season so maybe it´s something Moyes will employ again.

The Toure brothers being at the African Euro Championships leaves a gap in the team, particularly that one in midfield who´s a beast. Kompany, the lightbulb headed tit, is back which is a shame as he’s a cracking defender and it sadly means the bambi legged Savic will sit out.

So many good players to choose from, not just a strong first eleven but an excellent squad. They´ve paid royally for it it like and time will tell if it fulfils all their dreams. They´re managed by the quiltish Mancini who I reckon is a bit over rated but if he delivers the title then his potentially genocidal bosses will care not one jot. Soccer 2012.

It´s another Goodison tie under the floodlights and none more beautiful is she in such games. A game with a bit of needle, suitably oiled up dars and lids shouting for every throw in. When it all comes together it can be a backdrop which helps bridge a gap in quality.

Speaking of our lack of quality, Stracquilarsi is an elongated crapper Tevez but strikers that break into sweat wearing royal blue presently stand out, never mind that scoring thing so he’s in. Our projected striker saviour will not be signed in time if at all so it´s more than likely that Cahill will play slightly behind the Argentinian as part of a grock alliance up front.

Donovan wasn’t at his best but provided the two crosses that won us the game, and has been one of the brighter players in the team since he´s returned, always trying positive things. We need the ace Drenthe to reappear to help us out, we haven’t seen him for a while and his lack of consistency won’t be screaming new contract at the end of the season.

Fellaini was better, boss header that. Gibson ambled around the midfield not really doing much. I thought he has boss toeys? I’ve not seen him within 40 yards of the opposition goal in three games.

Heitinga has done well to marshal the defence and that young lad Duffy has done himself no harm at all with two and half assured performances. It´s been a while since Baines swashbuckled all over the opposition defence, we should have more of an aerial threat in the box now so his crosses will be a useful tool. I like Phil Neville, I really do. He´s never gone missing in a blue shirt and captained the club well. Playing him presently at right back though is like the demise of a trusty Cortina Mark 2. First the little things go and you overlook them, then the thing becomes almost un-drivable. At present Phil Neville´s engine warning light is firmly on.

If the players can´t get motivated for a visit of the league leaders then I´d worry. We don´t tolerate languid performances too well at L4. Unfortunately there´s been a bountiful half season of these to choose from.

There´s different types of Everton of which one of my personal favourites is the snarly, angry bite into every tackle and ruffle the opposition up Everton. It´s been proven against City in the past month that they can be got at this way and we´ve had plenty of recent success against them employing these methods. For under that crisp Gucci top there lies a sucked in beer belly and trampy market boxies. We´re not fooled.

Get into them Everton.