Blackburn vs Everton

Our early season apprehension sees every game as a banana skin when it all likelihood it´s winnable.

Blackburn, like us, have been no big shakes thus far and similarly will be hoping a three goal victory against lower league opposition in mid week will kick start their season.

How many of you started the ffs thing when Cresswell scored their goal? Nice response though and much needed at a Goodison Park with more empty space than Katona´s foof. We have a very evident anxiety when we haven´t scored against a team by 30 minutes, accentuated by our very evident lack of consistent striker prowess. Good thing we´ve got some midfielders who bail us out from time to time.

Blackburn have plenty of apprehensions of their own at the moment. Their recent takeover hasn´t worked out so super as lets be honest about it, those Indian chicken farmer family are weird and clearly incestuous. Tailor made for Blackburn then, I don´t hear you cry. Desperate for new ownership ourselves it seems a one that we´re pleased we swerved, although they probably own a two bedroom condo so would pass Bill´s fit and proper test. Oh, and Christ.

Their squad really isn´t all that, but they do have a good couple of players. Samba looks like someone who should be telling your mate he´s not getting in a trendy named bar because of his minty trabs that the prick put on when you´ve all turned up in shoes of some description, or black Reebok classics at a push. Samba is a massive threat on any set pieces because of this aforementioned size and will have to be watched. Remember that lad with the step overs and stuff from last season, Rochina, fresh from Barcelona´s reserves? He took his goals well in the cup mid week and they´ll be hoping he forms a productive partnership with their big signing of the summer, the Scottish Goodwillie. Resisting a predictable pun here. Pedersen gets right on Arteta´s tits and is a veritable ball of meh on the wing and making his debut will be handy Vukcevic signed during the week from Lisbon. Goodwillie, Lisbon, stop. Of course there will probably be a cameo from the wool Le Tissier himself, David Dunn.

I´m hoping that more of our bench from last week make it to the first team. Arteta took a goal well and was assured in the cup and will hopefully be joined by Fellaini and Saha in the starting line up. We´re only a couple of average results away from the annual 4-5-1 debate so while I´d love to see something like Saha and Beckford up front, it´s likely that Cahill will start. Sack all this wrapping him in cotton wool, the scal haired Barkley has been head and shoulders above anything right from the go in pre season and must start. He is one of the only things making it boss to watch us at the moment. It all leaves a glaring hole on the left of midfield so perhaps Arteta will be pushed out there and Osman/Rodwell or someone (please f*ck not Heitinga) will take a spot in the middle. Defence shouldn´t change (but may if Jagielka doesn´t wake up) and hopefully will not stand off like last week against QPR.

We have three games ahead we really need to be taking points off and putting performances in before a stickier run of games.

Over to you, ffs, Everton.

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