A one sided view of Everton v Chelsea

The final game of a season where 98.7% of you thought that we’d be finishing higher, me too like.

On the evidence of it all, seventh is about right and until we get some lira it’s not likely to get much better than that. Anyway, Walter Smith or something.

I was weirdly livid after the WBA game, not that I’d expected us to swagger pass them and slot for fun but because we had all the attacking intent of France in the 1940s.

Chelsea have just missed out on the title to United, well it wasn’t really close as United have that extra gear don’t they? Chelsea did do well to come out of a badly tosh period mid season to finish strongly. At such height the bar is set that it’s possible that Sunday’s game will be the jarg Italian John Parrot’s last game in charge.

Chelsea were the pioneers of what many of us aspire for Everton, getting bought out by some body who money and will buy loads of boss players so we can win stuff. A novel idea which City have just had a go at too. For all of the “I wouldn’t be into that like” and “I’d rather we done it the proper way and not bought success lar” there would have been a pang of guilt in many watching them generally have an ace time winning the FA Cup at Wembley.

Back to Chelsea. They’re not short of cracking players really. Topped up by spunking a ridiculous amount of money in January on the under firing Torres and the pube headed Luiz. Drogba is astounding still at an advanced age and has hurt us plenty before. Ah sack it, they’ve got wonderful players that you see all the time on Match Of The Day so what can I tell you about them? More than a smattering of snides too.

We´ve had a bit of an Indian sign over them recently, five years without defeat at Stamford Bridge is not to be sniffed at, we beat them in this same fixture last season in a Louis Saha inspired game and fantastically put them out of the cup this year. I just hope that with it being the last game of the season that we go after them in a similar manner to a French politician propositioning a maid. No subtlety please Everton, just try and beast them.

Who to play then? The fragile love between Anichebe and fans is only ever one half arsed challenge away from lower Gwladys St meltdown. Everyone seems to be talking up Beckford this week with him just needing one more goal for ten for the season. He does look like he can net but sometimes tries some ridiculous shots. Like your mate’s younger brother on FIFA 97 trying to top corner it from the half way line every time he got the ball. The blatant thing about him is that he’s crap up front on his own, so playing that and expecting him to shine is bit daft and unfair to him. Even if he does have a neck tattoo.

The midfield anchor of Neville and Heitinga is a bit pointless unless you’re happy defending deep all game. Why not just sack it and put two up front and Osman in there with another and see what happens. I’d also prefer Neville at right back, I´m not sure why but it just looks better.

It’s weird finishing the season in possibly one higher place than last season and being disappointed in it, bearing in mind we’ve not went out and bought a shed load of players and expected tangible improvement. This season will go down as a bit meh however.

We´ll pass you over on the football coupons to Geelong and the assorted weird names from the Australian league. A summer without England getting tonked is a long boring one indeed. Hopefully Everton will give you the send off you deserve. And if they don´t, then the vast majority of you can change streams and watch some middle aged beaut in a too tight replica top sobbing as his team gets relegated. It should have been so much better eh?

Enjoy your summer.

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