Is there hope Joanna?

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Dell Boy

Player Valuation: £35m
What the hell happened on Sunday? For a start I've made an effort to take an extra day to try and make sense of any of this. And I'm still not sure to be honest.

15 minutes in and I was sitting back in my seat in the Upper Gwladys with a great big smile on my face. I could liken the feeling I had to the one you get where you've planned a time to sit down with a favourite old movie and the kids/girlfriend are nowhere to be seen. You've got a drink in hand and all is well with the world.

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In my head I was already trotting out the arguments that the early season hiccups could easily be explained with Leicester (rowdy promoted club first day), Arsenal (10 minutes of madness) and Chelsea (3 minutes of madness). I laughed at the earlier results that weekend having just seen that same Leicester team lay waste to Van Gaal's dodgy quiff like a knife through butter. Same with the RS at West Ham and Spurs and West Brom.

Particular highlights in that early spell were a Stones tackle that had Bobby Moore written all over it and a turn/spin from Eto'o from a corner that had me almost orgasmic.

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But then what happened? We spurned a few chances, Howard had a couple of brain farts, Osman was exposed like a transvestite at a biker rally and then had to put up with the biggest blert in footy pretending it was all part of a great strategic game plan





The horrible snidey weapon.

So what the hell's happened?

After snotting the Germans all looked rosey. We all waxed on about finally having a decent squad and started pondering that maybe even the likes of Kone could be an unheralded world-beater after all.

First the positives are that we've got a cup game tonight and then the two incarnations of red evil coming up in successive weekends. Either side of a trip to Asia in the Europa cup. The chances are there to look back at this like a long-forgotten follow-through that caused embarrassment at the time but has since been washed and cleaned.

But that still doesn't get round that nagging concern that will persist for a while at least that we've got some major problems that seem to be crying out for attention.....

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The sexy beast that Distin is doesn't excuse him playing like Bambi on Ice. He seems to have lost any sense of aggression in the tackle. Likewise, I know I'm not alone in quietly tutting at the laborious way he strokes the ball to Baines at the back. Usually behind his teammate and always slow as hell. It's just a waste of time big man.

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Now I love the big hairy gallute as much as the next one but he was as shocking on Sunday as he was brilliant on Thursday. Is it a case of him missing a decent level of competition from the bench?

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Has our captain's missus had a new baby over the summer? He seems half asleep sometimes. And those crazy little runs now and again into the final third? It's like he's overcompensating for the lack of sleep with a sly few tabs of Pro Plus. He pops a few then has a crazy run as if he's been controlled by a 7yr old kid with a joystick.

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What's happened to Bainesey? His attacking play seems to have gone badly into reverse these last 12/18 months or so. His crosses and corners seem to rarely beat the first man. He seems to have lost a lot of the spark and it can't be no coincidence that, without Pienaar, a lot of the impish magic is lost.

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I love Ossie like a wayward brother. I'll stand up for him time after time. I remember his debut and him coming into the team like a great white hope boxer. He's constantly flattered to deceive at the highest level but he's been so loyal and never seems to give up that I can't help but love him. But now, like a dodgy uncle that's buried your auntie last week only to hook up with a dodgy Thai bird a week later he's an embarrassment in the middle of the park at this level now. It'll never happen but I'd like to see it announced he's off to the happy clappers in the States now for the MLS. He'd be amazing there without a doubt.

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What is it too with McCarthy? I've no doubts he will be a great for us. Top class but is this the modern age and footballers being affected by contracts and press speculation?

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First of all just bring back the dreads. I don't care if its a wig or not but it clearly made a difference. Does he practice his first touch at all? Do we not have Big Dunc on the staff to show him how to get his arse off the ground and put his weight about and win something in the air? Are we not able to sit down our £28m record signing and tell him to work on his game a bit more?

Look I appreciate it's all a work in progress but for the life of me I'd like to see at least four things change for the RS match....notwithstanding hopeful changes like Coleman back in to allow us to drop Distin and a more regular shape up front. I'm also open to the idea of Gibson coming in for McCarthy or Barry but it would be quite a gamble.


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1) When we have the ball stroking around the defence I'd like to see a midfielder come and pick up the ball a bit better. Stride into midfield with it a bit more.


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2) It's clear Lukaku is a million times better facing the goal. Yet we ping it into his with his back to goal 95% of the time. We have to set the boy free and let him run at defenders more. Not all the time - just have it more in the wider plan of attack.


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3) Practice corners and, in so doing, give Baines' head a wobble. It's laughable never beating the first man.


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4) Just once or twice could we not launch it long and take advantage of the pace we have up front with Mirallas and Lukaku never mind any of the others?


At the end of the day it's all good but...why does it have to be so painful sometimes? I mean life is generally pretty tough and for once in 20+ years your footy team promises so much and gets you as hot and horny as it should ever be legal when sat alongside thousands of men and children. We all know it's not going to happen but at least let us dream a bit beyond mid-September.

Ultimately there's nothing better than being a Blue. Even in defeat. And I know @chicoazul warned all his disciples that there'd be many downs along the many ups this season. But bloody hell melon head you could have softened it a bit. Oh and I love pineapple on pizza. Especially with pepperoni. Less so with plain ham.


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Good post, but all forwards play with their back to goal 90% of the time. It's up to Lukaku and the coaching staff to improve this part of his game - we can't somehow knock every ball in behind for him to run on to.
 

On Lukaku, I'd honestly we rather didn't give the ball to him at all unless it's a forward ball that he can actually run on to, a la his goal on Sunday. His interchanging one - two's and back-to-goal play still needs a lot of work on the training ground imo.
 
Pretty much sums up most of what I felt Sunday too.

I have to say whilst I agree with Baines' poor set piece delivery so far I think he's been outstanding (except for completely missing the ball and letting it off for a throw with five minutes to go). He's looked much better this season than last so far IMO.
 


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