Everton v Leicester City (In Thailand), 27th July, KO 12:49pm BST.

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Everton’s 2014/15 campaign will be 40% loaded by the time we kick off in Thailand, in some bizarre Eastern-foreshadowing-of-the-first-game ™ against Leicester City. Excited? If you answered yes, then I guess you're lucky enough to go, have a boss trip dudes. If you answered no (which should be about 99% of you), then like me you’ll be sat off in front of a PC sweating like a… well, like an Evertonian in the transfer window, as it goes. We'll touch on that shortly.

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While Leicester are no strangers to the Premier League, it has been ten years since they were plunged into the fiery oblivion England’s second-tier division. Ten testing years at that, just missing out on promotion a few times, and Championship relegation in 2008. Suffice to say, their return has been a long time coming and players and fans alike will be relishing the chance to play top-flight football once more. Probably not, mind, they sacked off footy for rugby a long time ago. Incidentally, in Leicester City we share two one-season super strikers in Gary Lineker and of course Marcus ‘No, not Darren’ Bent.

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…And Everton’s gravity has pulled us back in. The Tranmere game provided a good work out for DA BOYZ, with promising youth performances from Garbutt, McAleny and Lundstram. Was anyone else glad to be reminded that Darron Gibson exists? I know I was, watching him come short for the proverbial butter-ball and spread it over the toast that is Prenton Park was great, despite it being against lower league opposition and the underlying fear of his knees exploding. Sadly there were some negatives, Coleman has picked up a hopefully minor injury and we apparently can’t win a derby to save our lives. However, I must stress that pre-season results are not to be taken too seriously (Bronby 2-1 Liverpool, Dundee 2-0 Man City). On a brighter note, Naismith is still boss.

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As promised we've arrived to the transfer section, Besic is finally ours... sort of but sadly, I imagine he won't feature in this game. To further the cause for positivity, Drogba has returned to Chelsea which must surely mean we'll be signing Rom. Like me, I imagine most Blues just cannot fathom a universe in which Everton spend £20 million of actual money on a player, but here's hoping. Everything's coming up Everton, it seems to good to be true, which is concerning as we're all too familiar with things like this going south. I'm confident we'll end the window with a stronger squad than what we finished with last season, though, irrespective of whether or not we sign Rom.

Hoping all Blues concerned have a boss trip anyway, even if this match is just us appeasing our Chang Beer/Elephant Urine overlords and slowly rebuilding fitness levels. To conclude, The School of Science is, allegedly, on its way back and is looking to fussball some jarg Rugby-rejects into submission on its way through Thailand. Come on Everton, these are sh*te these.
 
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