Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[BluenosePaul]

Hey Paul. I can't provide an answer for you but I can tell you I've been in a similar situation. I just couldn't make any headway in a relationship & can honestly say I only ever had one girlfriend. Of course, I never let her go but I was 26 when we met. She was 19. Didn't meet het at a club, or party, but I actually sat next to her on a plane!
I guess my point is that patience is key when entering a relationship. I wondered if I'd spend my life single but out of the blue, we met. Married 21 years now & all from a chance meeting.
The other point I'd like to make is that you are who you are. Trying to be someone else for the sake of impressing someone is fraught with danger. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against self improvement & the like but if you want to spend your life with another person, then they need to know the real you. So, in your case, when things are going along nicely, be open about how you feel & how you "work". Also accept that maybe the other person could find that a little intense and may want to take things in a little more relaxed manner, especially when starting out.
I know how an unanswered call, or non return of a text can feel, but relationships take time to evolve and I can assure you, they get better when allowed to!
Best of luck to you mate!

Cheers mate this helps alot

 

[Sunderland afc]

Parent had a pop today at the football. And I knew she would, been telling everyone all week it would come to ahead when her son didn't play a full game today.

Last thing I needed to be honest, looks like it's sorted but still a stressful morning at u8 football.

 

[Minimeister]

I've always had issues with girls and relationships etc. I met a lovely girl fom Liverpool about 3 weeks ago online. We met up and had 2 wonderful dates, which involved drinking, chatting, catching a movie and being really affectionate with each other. Cue non-step texting and a general sense of happiness and things gong really well for me for oonce (just got a permanent job too). Met her last sunday for drinks and a catch up and again we had a good time, but when i went to take her to the bus station for her to go home, i asked her what she had planned for next weekend twice. She didnt give an answer and seemed awkward at the prospect. Anyway this unfortunately sets off my mind into over drive and before i know it ive planted hundreds of seeds in my head. The texting has gone a bit quiet - she doesnt seem as comfortable chatting and again this just sets me off so much that i've pretty much ended things with her and said some ridiculously stupid + possesive things to her. I don't want to say it, but when that seed is planted its coming out. As we stand were still talking albeit not much convo is happening, i've tried to tell her about my issues but i get barely any response, its usually an 'ok then' or 'aww '. We have no plans to meet again. Feel like ive completly blown away another chance of a relationship, i just can't handle things and everything with me has to be rushed + perfect. Any hint of trouble and bang im all over like a rash accusing her of not wanting to see me etc. I firmly believe i have a mental issue and some kind of depression. Anyone else suffers with these issues or how to get round them? Any help would be appreciated! I know im just gonna spend all weekend staring at my phone listening to sad songs and next week in work staring into space. Im so sad and lonely right now and its all down to me.

Sounds like low self esteem mate. I was like that in my 20's. It was only when I got to about 30 that my mind stopped racing thinking the worse about the girls I was with. You meet a girl and you want her to love you, to be interested in you all in the space of a few weeks. Then if they don't feel the same way you feel like a failure and your confidence is so hit you just want to blend into the background.

I think you get to the stage in life when you start to respect yourself, you start to appreciate who you are and what you bring to the table. Then when you meet someone new it's not such a rush, you know what you can give to that person and so you're not in a hurry to 'prove yourself'. I've never met a girl in a pub or on a night out and had a meaningful relationship. The girls I've had long term relationships with have been built up over time and we were friends before anything serious which is much easier because it's built up over time. Good luck anyway mate, you'll probably look at this in 5 years time and laugh that you felt like this once you find your confidence and a good lady.

 

[BiggyRat]

Good luck anyway mate, you'll probably look at this in 5 years time and laugh that you felt like this once you find your confidence and a good lady.

Good post Minimeister. That's pretty much it in a nutshell. I would, however, respectfully disagree with only the above.
Granted, we are all different people with different reactions, but I sat & thought about your last sentence for a while. There's absolutely nothing wrong with what you're saying, far from it but in my case, I haven't found cause to "laugh" at all. If anything, I find it a kind of relief when I think back to all those "barren" years.
For me, it's a kind of affirmation that there was someone out there for me and my concerns were unfounded. The right person for me was 6 years my junior & without going "full Rolf", my barren period was simply waiting for her to come into my life.
Again, I'd like to reiterate that you have put up a good post but it's just that last sentence that doesn't resonate with me, purely on a personal experience perspective.

 

[Minimeister]

Good post Minimeister. That's pretty much it in a nutshell. I would, however, respectfully disagree with only the above.
Granted, we are all different people with different reactions, but I sat & thought about your last sentence for a while. There's absolutely nothing wrong with what you're saying, far from it but in my case, I haven't found cause to "laugh" at all. If anything, I find it a kind of relief when I think back to all those "barren" years.
For me, it's a kind of affirmation that there was someone out there for me and my concerns were unfounded. The right person for me was 6 years my junior & without going "full Rolf", my barren period was simply waiting for her to come into my life.
Again, I'd like to reiterate that you have put up a good post but it's just that last sentence that doesn't resonate with me, purely on a personal experience perspective.

No worries at all mate. Thank you for responding to my post in such a way. We're all different and I guess when I say I look back and 'laugh' I mean more out of relief that what I thought I would probably never get, I got. I seen a lot of myself in the original poster and wanted to try and show him that in time he will look back and realise he'll come through it.

 

[mrs the esk]

I've always had issues with girls and relationships etc. I met a lovely girl fom Liverpool about 3 weeks ago online. We met up and had 2 wonderful dates, which involved drinking, chatting, catching a movie and being really affectionate with each other. Cue non-step texting and a general sense of happiness and things gong really well for me for oonce (just got a permanent job too). Met her last sunday for drinks and a catch up and again we had a good time, but when i went to take her to the bus station for her to go home, i asked her what she had planned for next weekend twice. She didnt give an answer and seemed awkward at the prospect. Anyway this unfortunately sets off my mind into over drive and before i know it ive planted hundreds of seeds in my head. The texting has gone a bit quiet - she doesnt seem as comfortable chatting and again this just sets me off so much that i've pretty much ended things with her and said some ridiculously stupid + possesive things to her. I don't want to say it, but when that seed is planted its coming out. As we stand were still talking albeit not much convo is happening, i've tried to tell her about my issues but i get barely any response, its usually an 'ok then' or 'aww '. We have no plans to meet again. Feel like ive completly blown away another chance of a relationship, i just can't handle things and everything with me has to be rushed + perfect. Any hint of trouble and bang im all over like a rash accusing her of not wanting to see me etc. I firmly believe i have a mental issue and some kind of depression. Anyone else suffers with these issues or how to get round them? Any help would be appreciated! I know im just gonna spend all weekend staring at my phone listening to sad songs and next week in work staring into space. Im so sad and lonely right now and its all down to me.

Hi @BluenosePaul it does not seem like you have done too much wrong here, so perhaps you should not blame yourself? Two thoughts though, maybe it was too early to start expressing your "issues" (whether real or not) and secondly, no-one likes to date someone who appears to be too keen.

Take your time and don't appear too eager, the right girl will love you for what you are, so be yourself, and enjoy the chase.

I would say though that the more girls you meet the more likely you are to meet the right one.

Dating is no tougher for boys than it is for girls, we've all been through bad times before meeting mr or mrs "right".

 

[Prevenger17]

I've always had issues with girls and relationships etc. I met a lovely girl fom Liverpool about 3 weeks ago online. We met up and had 2 wonderful dates, which involved drinking, chatting, catching a movie and being really affectionate with each other. Cue non-step texting and a general sense of happiness and things gong really well for me for oonce (just got a permanent job too). Met her last sunday for drinks and a catch up and again we had a good time, but when i went to take her to the bus station for her to go home, i asked her what she had planned for next weekend twice. She didnt give an answer and seemed awkward at the prospect. Anyway this unfortunately sets off my mind into over drive and before i know it ive planted hundreds of seeds in my head. The texting has gone a bit quiet - she doesnt seem as comfortable chatting and again this just sets me off so much that i've pretty much ended things with her and said some ridiculously stupid + possesive things to her. I don't want to say it, but when that seed is planted its coming out. As we stand were still talking albeit not much convo is happening, i've tried to tell her about my issues but i get barely any response, its usually an 'ok then' or 'aww '. We have no plans to meet again. Feel like ive completly blown away another chance of a relationship, i just can't handle things and everything with me has to be rushed + perfect. Any hint of trouble and bang im all over like a rash accusing her of not wanting to see me etc. I firmly believe i have a mental issue and some kind of depression. Anyone else suffers with these issues or how to get round them? Any help would be appreciated! I know im just gonna spend all weekend staring at my phone listening to sad songs and next week in work staring into space. Im so sad and lonely right now and its all down to me.

Hey Paul, you seem like a nice dude but probably over-eager. In the space of 3 weeks, you managed to tell her all your issues and become possessive. To be honest, I think you need to address that if you can, and I don't mean just to "get around" it until you actually do get into a relationship, because that mindset will resurface and be just as destructive. Work on making yourself happy in your day to day routine first, immerse yourself in your hobbies and interests and such. Aim for happiness without a girlfriend first because, as it stands, you're making the achievement of a relationship the end-all without really giving consideration to what a partnership entails.

In the meantime, just try casual dating and just forget about the endgame for a while. I met some incredibly interesting people on varied dates, and a lot of them didn't exactly overload my inbox looking for a second round. The thing is, I didn't base my happiness on what they thought of me, and eventually I found myself going on regular dates with one in particular who eventually became my girlfriend and has been for the last three years. You sound like a decent fella with just a fair dose of anxiety, but don't think happiness comes because of a relationship, relationships come as a result of happiness.

 

[Deloodid]

after my partner had 7 miscarriages, she finally conceived, giving birth to my son. premature and weighing 2lb's. he died in my arm's. 15 month's later she gave birth to a beautiful girl.and then 16 month's later gave birth to another girl weighing 2lb's 2 0z. the youngest was in the incubater for 13 week's. i slept on the couch for 4 month's with her led on my chest, every night.and now she is a thriving 13 year old mad evertonian and want's to start watching everton again. my other daughter who had no problem's is a daft red. in my life there was a silver lining, and i have 2 beautiful children. i hope every body else has a silver lining somewhere.

such a sad story, im glad its ended happy x

 

[Deloodid]

Not at all mate. I'm 28. Never a had a serious relationship. Im very insecure + socially awkward around people i don't know. Only girls i've dated have been from the internet and they always end with me being possessive after 3/4 dates if things go a bit quiet.

whats good mate is you know what your problem is here. you need to enjoy your dates and take your time. when its getting really serious then open up. try and find away around your mistakes.

 

[jinkyali]

Hi all

Serious post this. Bare with me.

My dad lives in London with his wife of around 8 years. Her family live down there and me, my bro and sis all have our families up here. We have always had a great relationship with relatives down there and regularly visit both ways.

August 2012 my dad had a major heart attack and thankfully survived. He recovered sufficiently and has lost weight, cholesterol down, healthier heart than ever before, healthier body too. But hes a hypochondriac and has always been a worrier. However this has just sent him into meltdown since.

A few other things have happened; he was subsequently made redundant and forced to downsize in order to be able to afford retire and lead the comfortable life they always have done. This downsize is from a 5 bed to a 2 bed so is fairly substantial.

However my dad isnt the same man. He is bordering on obsessed about health issues; very quiet and reserved; lethargic. He is getting CBT counselling but it doesnt seem to be working. He is wary of driving far now to see us; likewise its more difficult as a family to all go down there considering the downsize issues. His wife is at breaking point and in her words is desperate to help but he wont let her.

We think he is depressed and needs some help; have you guys got any advice how we can handle this? Any words of inspiration...anything..we need to help him and make him realise he needs to help himself.

 

[Groucho]

He sounds like he has quite a bit of anxiety.

 

[jinkyali]

He sounds like he has quite a bit of anxiety.

Exactly right.
It got to the extent that he came up this Thursday to till Monday evening. He has his own blood pressure monitor (!) and it was high on Thursday evening, probably following the drive. He was on edge all weekend and his wife got the train up to drive him home as he couldnt face it.

 

[Groucho]

Exactly right.
It got to the extent that he came up this Thursday to till Monday evening. He has his own blood pressure monitor (!) and it was high on Thursday evening, probably following the drive. He was on edge all weekend and his wife got the train up to drive him home as he couldnt face it.

Poor fella.

Has he seen his GP over it?

 

[jinkyali]

Poor fella.

Has he seen his GP over it?

He has been to the GP who I think recommended the CBT.
I dont know if he lets on as much as he could. Pride and all. But he is on the downward spiral to losing other stuff. Like his grandchildren growing up, his wife possibly.

At our wits end.

 

[Groucho]

Perhaps he needs further help than the counselling.